Looking for a sign,
Sreaching life,
Catching glimspes of life
Life moves as a fast moving train on a path of never ending unknowns.
Standing in the middle is the lost and clueless trying to catch that ride.
Some fall and lay their tears crying in their own pain
Some fall and rise to a higher standard of pain to
Fall harder.
Some get lucky to have the train slow down so they can glide on as their ease.
Some just fight, fight and fight more for what ride they need want or demand in life thats best for them.
The fighters, are the woundec broken and rebuilt and put together with cheap glue..
But they fight
With blood seeping from their eyes
They fight for what makes them breath..
Live
Or just keep going
All to get to the end of the ride of their dreams
Even when they feel its
A lost ride and the conducter of the beatuiful train has given up and left
They fight inner battles
Ugly monsters
And protect what they need for that prefect ride....

Now ask me what i am? A fighter or someone who gives up to the pain and lets the world step on them as they go by...ask me..i dare you..

I find peace amoung the dead
Lifeless
Souls free From the mortal
Free
I find peace amoung the dead
Quitely
Alone
At peace I find the answers
Stairing at the unkown,
I find the calm.
The screams inside my world the tears and agony
Come to a halt to lay at the feet of the dead..
Strange it is that my peace comes at the price of the dead.

I am shame
I am the shame of the world in which you live
I am your shame
I am the shame you hate to love.

I am  the hurt
I am the hurt in which you breath
I am your hurt
I am the hurt you hate , hate to love

I am the lust
I am the lust you can not fullfill
I am the longest lust you shall ever long for
I am and forever will be the woman you hate to love

Kitchen floor..
A simple thing it seems
Yet its filled with so much
As many nights ive sat stairing
At the door placed inside that leads outside..
Waiting
Crying
Mourning
Laughing
Stairing
Longfull
That­ kitchen floor holds my heart inside as i cried on it
Beat the cold tiles with my fustration of life
Hit it with the death of my father
That cold broken ugly tile floor
Has been there to catch me.
Been there and not given away to my abuse
You might think its just a floor that its job  to be under you.
To me its a soild place to fall my kitchen floor..

I am nothing...
But a speck dancing in a green feild
I am nothing...
But a girl locked in a sliver tower high above
I am nothing .....
But a flow of purple slik
I am....nothing
My mayor tells me im not
I am nothing....
He keeps me safe from the monsters below
I am nothing...
Over look me and by pass my laughter
For here in my tower of light and joy my world is safe and complete
For i am nothing over look me....please ....for I am waiting for someone...

Why be me?
Why be the victum as you call me?
Why try to still get you to see me.
You never will in the state you are in..cold dark place surrounded by your minions that whorship you for they get to bask in your good side..
Its all i ever  all i ever wanted and you took it away..
You tell me im heartless and cold yet you dont see me crying for you daily cause the man i fight for loved me so much he would have never spooke the words to me you have over and over..
You got what you broke my heart for..your freedom your choice to do as you please..no respondablities for anyone but you..yet you choose the hard path and ill forever be blamed for it..
I still fight evertime we talk for you to see me and you call me heartless because i point out the facts..
You call me cold when i speak the way you do to people.
Im mean when i dont hide the way i feel..
The fact that you do not see me for the woman that i truley am shows me things that i didnt want to face..
Im not heartless im the oppsite i have too much heart for you i care too much and its comes out in a way u cant handle.Im cold cause words never let you see how much my hands are shaking and my tears are blinding me you forgot who i am..as i forgot who you are cause the man i love so deeply would have never let me think the worst of him and be okay with it..the man i put up so high on a mountain to admire would have never thought of touching another woman before me...never talked to me the way you do as if me of all people were out to get you..
The man i love would have never left me alone scared of the world knowing im scared of the dark..but you did for your chance of having freedom and many woman to make himself feel bigger..when all he had to do was look deep in my eyes to know i thought he ruled the world..he was my everything and it wasnt enough..now im punsihed daily when im me or i get too emonational because it causes him pain and i become the cruel one for being me..its best i know to step away from him but my heart still beats beside him and i feel empty..

My love, how do I express my love
do I say Im in love
do I say my butterflies dance when I feel you close
do I cry because we are far apart
do I say how little I breath without your name slipping thou my mind like smoke danceing on the wind.
Im lost Im scared Im forever changing my mind about how I want my life to go
do I let go and dance with the goddess , run with the wolf that scared my heart forget my pain and kiss my past good bye do I fly above the tree carefree and happy..
what if I crash
what if I fall
what if my wolf bites me again can my body take it once more
I cry cause Im scared to be
reckless and fear the unknown
Im safe in my little blahh world where Im loved as a queen
thou that queen is hurting she and cries daily for her king.
she fears him.
so my question to all whoever graces my words with their eyes
do I stay safe in my world or run again with my wolf where his bite is deadly and his words could **** me but his touch is sweet and he could make me if he trusts in himself to raise his queen to the mountain she belongs on ..
to give her understanding to give her compassion knowing she fears
give her praise for her soft heart and kind words that twist sometimes in the wind.
do I say run with me my wolf
or do I die waiting for those butterfleis to reapear in another..

May not like my choices
May not like my life
May not understand

But to me there are no
Choices.
I am who am i fought hard to find me
I cried for me alone
I accept me

May not like my life
But im me.
And me has been there from day one.