So this is it
I said "goodbye"
To this ever changing
chapter of my life

You never knew all of me
You never took time.
Too busy with your facebook status
Never seeing the signs.

I moved on and
it feels so right.
But fear grips me
and squeezes, "Oh so tight!

Afraid of love
and all it's about.
Wanting to open up,
but so full of doubt.

Free fall down into the unknown
give you my heart and relinquish my soul
it's best for what life shall bestow
so do I take a big step in the unknown?

Never look back, for this is the choice
don't question myself, and keep my mind poised
take a look up, thank God and rejoice
because the truth is, I know I made the right choice

So I follow the path and forget the past
this devotion and emotion, I'll make sure it lasts
with passion so wide and a love so vast
pain and sadness will be things of the past.

I fear to fall, yet I wish for love...
Nay, I desire love.
A love that will have the arms crafted of the strongest stone,
A love that shall have both of us in a deep utter fall.
A love that requires both of us to make it true,
A love for the ages, a love meant for me and you.

So don't give up on me because of my fear,
One day I'll be open and everything will be so clear.
I'll open my heart and let her in,
and give her my love... Again and again.

I have to believe in the fairy tale world,
isn't that what we seek?
to find that one special pearl.

A pear, so majestic 'it glows at your gaze,
It uncovers all the fear and doubt:
It sheds light on broken days.

I have to know there is more to me than this.
I have to believe somewhere that my life
will open with just that kiss..

'Passion and love'
'pounding of my heart'
'knowing with all my soul'
"you are my angel never to depart"

My eye's shining like a comet falling in the night,
Seeing the world how it should be; kind and loving, humble and right.

I have to believe that true happiness is there to be found.
I'm trying to find it
Deep down inside me; not a peep, not even a sound.

so I write my story, and believe it's there,
The perfect story, the perfect set, the perfect pair.


I wonder about it,
if that love I could ever feel.
I have to believe it's there,
I have to know it's real..

I have to have hope,
that I am more than this.
more than someone's fairy tale
more than someone's heart felt kiss..

You know them nights, when so much is on your mind and you don't know where to begin.
You start to type, then back space again and again.
The words don't flow, the thought is gone.
The next sentence is wrote, but it just feels wrong.

You can stare at the screen and look for hours.
Type a hundred words, yet their not ripe, much more sour.
I'm having that night, with this aggravation and pain.
Even though the last week, was smiles and gain.

The last couple days and nights has ripped through my mind and body.
My body feels under a earthquake and my mind is a tsunami.
Quitting the benzo's and antidepressants that started 3 1/2 years ago
Going cold turkey, I wasn't going to wing it and just go slow.

At a point in your life, you will sometimes make rash decisions.
It can lead you into a tranquility, or it can cut you...incision after incision.
The beginning of the week, I found peace and that tranquility.
As I longed for better and wanted rid of the iniquity.

I began to read the bible and put faith in it's print.
and now I feel under attack, a demon the Devil has sent.

But that's not the case, I chose this myself.
I can beat this, write about it, then put it on a shelf.

My mind is too muddled to go on much more,
My body is shaking, and my fingers are sore.

This shall pass, as God will get me through.
Then I will be back, to bore some of you.

I long for a natural sleep not medically induced.
For it's been 13 years, that's when the pills happened. I began to use.
Just for sleep not to get high.
Just for dreams: standing on a mountain side.

So goodnight, and may you dream the most wonderful dream.
May you feel the embrace of the moonlight beam.

Before you drift off and dance with your love beside the sea.
Will you say a prayer? So something beautiful comes to me.

GOODNIGHT AND MAY YOUR DREAMS BE PERFECT.

All I can say today is focus on your priorities,
but take things in stride.
Make decisions, not excuses.
Live one moment at a time.
Count your blessings, not your troubles.
Let the wrong things go.
Look for lessons in unforeseen obstacles.
Ask for help.
Give as much as you take.
Make time for those who matter.
Laugh when you can.
Cry when you need to.
And always stay true to your values.