It's back again!

Melancholy, I think.
Uselessness, maybe.
Feeling unwanted, by the way.

It's definitely deeper than before.

my color is turning, I think.
Spirit is fading, maybe
Feeling Hopeless, by the way.

It never went away, I guess

We will see what happens.
No control of my own.

Taken for granted, most likely.

This feeling inside me.
Why. Why wont it go away.
It's in my voice & in my throat.
It's in my eyes & in my hart.

This longing, this emptiness.
It bothers me so.
I try to let it go.

I try to go about my day.
A normal day, it can not be.

I try to let it go.
It's of no use.
Crap, Crap, Crap!

The season is changing;
I liked, the long daylight
I loved, the warm sun and the display of natures best

I liked, cool rivers in the heat of the day
I loved, the busy day and the seemingly short nights.

My confidence & happiness was at there best
When my successes were much easier

The season is changing;
I dislike, that my youth is dulling
I hate, the weight that camouflages my inner self

The season is changing;
My confidence & happiness steadily diminish.
There must be a purpose to push on.

I am being phased out.
Just a withering leaf about to be plucked.

Regrettably, the season has changed.

An Orange,
It's round and soft,
It fits perfectly into a hand.

It's natural form is seriously examined.
Tumbled about by the thumb and four fingers.

The thumb decides to investigate closely,
The textured softness gives way,

A large chunk of the skin is torn off.
and white flesh is exposed.

The fingers roll in from the side,
to aid the thumb.

The pale white and scared skin,
oozes a sweet fluid.

A naked and scared form remains

The hand wonders,
what can be done to redeem the Orange.

Its mangled form must be eaten!
Its the noble purpose for this Orange.

She's a selfish lover, armed with stunning beauty.
She hunts joyfully for an innocent & caring heart,
She wants to satisfy her longing spirit.

Self validation by conquered hearts.
Conquests, like trophies on a night stand.
Each victory validated by a wounded spirit.
Her potent satisfactions soon dwindles.

Repeated victories, must be obtained.
Scores of bleeding hearts form rivers of tears.
Each conquest screaming from nearby roof tops.
Her Reputation becomes known by many.

The walking wounded,
They protect their dulled spirit
With raised eyebrows and gently shaking heads,
With muffled voices they warn, she is trouble waiting to happen.

I have been bitten by her kind of love.
The sting lingers in my heart,
The scars noticeable in my spirit & in my eyes.

I have her disease now.
My heart longs for love.
Not for Revenge!
But, for recovery and for self validation!

I've torn off my passion with force and lye
but not my curiosity.

Love is diminished.
Lust is no more.
What is left?

Convenient Love?

An incomplete soul.
Searching & Searching.
Can never be whole.

An incomplete soul.
Seemingly, missing  pieces.
It's hard to know.

All required parts
locked into place.
With emptiness in my heart.

An incomplete soul
Always longing,
Always wanting,
Never consoled.

Smiles are heavy.
Never knowing how
to break through the levy

A dark black hole.
Always melancholy
My incomplete soul.

Jewelry & Perfume,
Things that glitter.
Make-up and Tattoos.
Designed to distract my attention
from the real pretty girl.

Without colors & contrasts,
Without whispers & softness,

Without smiles & giggles,
Without caring & sensitivity.

Without jiggles & wiggles,
Without feminine beauty.

Without women,

Alcohol, the fuel
It burns my brain.
My body knows the pain.
Yet still, Naïve flickers.
Rescue me, lest I drown my sorrows.







What will it take;
to penetrate this invisible gate.

Why is it erected here?
It wasn't here before.

Now, it's gated to keeps me away.
I can see, but I can't get close.
What purpose does it serve?

Little dog in a cage,
I believe I know un-rewarded loyalty.

The leash is short,
The gate is strong.
Something will come along.

Soon, I hope.

Friday, June 13th, 2014
the last night of the full moon!

Be aware what lurks about.
A full moon on this day, is truly rare.

You say that you don't care.
But be aware!

I swear it's rare.
You should care!

I' am waiting,
For something.

I 'am not sure what for.
But, something will happen...
I know it will.

I 'am waiting.
Perhaps, something unexpected?

It seems close at hand.
I'm not sure what it will be.
But, I know it's going to happen.

It's inevitable.
I hope it is not too painful.

I' am waiting,
for something...
Soon!

Taboo! Taboo!
I love you more than I should.
On the alter of Sin, I forfeit my Soul to you!

Why is my love for you Taboo?
Love, so strong in spirit.
Love, so true for you.
Join together our  flesh and spirit.

How can such love be forbidden?
Natural Love, Innocent Love.
Love, that can not be overridden!

Contentment and happiness, can't be obtained,
While longing for you. If only I could.
Love, never fully expressed, never fully contained.
I love you more than I should.

A normal day, It can not be.
Your essences is constantly with me.
Taboo love for you, from me.

More than normal love,
I am in love with you.
I love you more than I should!

Bitter Sweet, Taboo Love.
Will it always be Taboo?

It's spring.
The apple blossoms are turning pink
The trees are getting green leafs.
The daffodils are pretty.

It's cold.
The temperature is low.
People stay to themselves.

My heart is stirring,
But Love is low.
I fear my heart may not survive.

Dam you!
I want to be with you.

Dam you!
Why can't I have you.

Dam you!
Why can't I be you.

I hate you!
Dam you!

Please remember me!
I want to be remembered.

But, remember me when I was just,
a little bit younger.

I was a little bit better then,
Please remember me then.

I want to be remembered.

body & soul.

Stunning!
So Pretty,
So Feminine!

She turns everyone's head.
Everywhere, all the time.
People gather to her.

Not a morsel of affection.
towards my direction.
Not a smile, nor a hello.

If I could just speak to her.
My heart would flutter!

She's, too fine to be mine.

Too pretty to be real.

Don't tell anyone.
Keep it quiet.
shhh!

It won't matter.
What they don't know
wont hurt.

Secrets

Emotionally connected,
Sensual smiles,
Intimate Consensuses.

Flirtatious attire.
Soft Caresses.
Inflamed desire.

Cuts of Passion.
Bleeds of Ecstasy,
Burns of Obsession.

Deep & Slow breathing,
Nimbly propelled.
Rhythmically heaving.

Exacerbated autonomy!

Our beginnings,
energetic and passionate times.
Discovering one another's Love.
There are assorted reasons to Love you.

Our individual interests,
molded into common adventures.
Negotiations were easy and happily accepted.

Gradually,
Almost without knowing,
discovery and adventure diminished.

Daily tasks & responsibilities,
wedged apart our passion.

Our time together becoming less and less.
Our Love diminishing.

Negotiations became arguments.
In separate rooms, Passions diminished.

It's slipping away.
I feel regret when remembering what we lost.

I'm hanging on.
My whispers of concerns & appeals make no difference.

Diminishing returns gradually prevailing.

Nothing so special, me.
Longing for happiness & satisfaction.

Wanting...
to be noticed,
to be liked,
to be satisfied.

All Spruce up, my outer self.
received some short lived attention.
But my inner self,
is living the same plane me.

Are you ready?
To forgive and forget.

Are you ready?
To sacrifice and forgo.

Are you ready?
To to give up control.

Are you ready?
To give your loyalty and honor.

Are you ready to Love?

Complement me, I will deny it.
Be friendly to me, I will wounder why.
Smile at me, I will look away.
Wink at me, I will check for my wallet.
Kiss me, I will doubt your intentions.
Ignore me, I will fade away.

My melancholy self, needs some help.

Your slim figure & stylish cloths,
complement your feminine & **** figure.

The white of your big brown eyes,
complement your pretty white smile.

The fullness of your shiny red lips,
complement your long black & silky hair.

Your long eye lashes & darkened thinned brows,
complement your beautiful skin.

Your soft & ***** voice,
complements your hypnotic .

My heart yearns to save you.
I worry for your very life.

Your perfectly manicured fingernails,
disfigured by the burning, smokey cigarette.

The order of  on your cloths & breath
distracts from your flowery perfume.

Your shortness of breath,
accentuates your asthmatic conditions.

Your strong & intermittent coughing.
worsens by your addictive habit.

Your persistent & consistent.
Slowly deteriorating your body from within.

Why can't you stop?
After many visits to the emergency room,
Why can't you stop?

It doesn't make sense!

If I actually did Win.
Win the lottery.
It will somehow,
turn out to be bad for me.

Maybe it is good that I have
no luck,
no love,
no satisfaction.

If not for bad luck.
I would have no luck at all.

Everything bad.
must be better than nothing at all.

It's ******!
Nothing happy

Nothing Merry!
losing a job,
one week before Christmas.

I am without
without cheer & laughter
without happiness & satisfaction
without passion & love
without wisdom
I am rich without.

It's time, to say goodbye,
It's time to prepare my will.
It's time to buy my plot.
It's time to move on.
Nothing here will care or will notice.
I quietly leave, with no regret.

Jewelry & Perfume,
Things that glitter.
Make-up and Tattoos.
Designed to distract my attention
from the real pretty girl.

I had a not so secret crush on a girl two years my senior.
I made a be-line straight to study hall to sit at her table.
When she graduated, I asked if I could write in her year book.
She sweetly but somewhat reluctantly handed it to me.
I wrote her a special love sonnet (of sort) in the very back of her year book.

When I returned her book the next day,
I looked her in the eyes, smiled and wished her the best.
Trying not to choke on my words and not wanting to show a tear.
I quickly and graciously made my exit.

Two years later, she showed up at my graduation.
She appeared from behind me and called me by name.
I turned to see her always beautiful smile and sparkling eyes.
Taller and more beautiful than I remembered.

Her sudden & unexpected appearance stunned me!
My reaction in turn, appeared to have disturbed her!
Her smile faded, then she wished me well and made a swift but graceful exit.
We never saw or spoke again!

I wish my actions had been much more delightful.
I was a nervous young man and lacked confidence in the presents of such beauty.
Still true to this day! I sometimes wonder how and where my high school crush is doing.
Just fine, I imagine.

Love or Jealousy,
Commitment or Freedom,
Happiness or Fun,

All a funny taste?
Bitter Sweet, yet intoxicating.

A brew of witchery.
A blessing of Angles.
Time will always tell.

An incomplete soul.
Searching & Searching.
Can never be whole.

An incomplete soul.
Seemingly, missing  pieces.
It's hard to know.

All required parts
are locked into place.
With emptiness in my heart.

An incomplete soul
Always longing,
Always wanting,
Never consoled.

Smiles are heavy.
Never knowing how
to break through the levy

A dark black hole.
Always melancholy
My incomplete soul.

Not a place, in anyone's heart.
I'm an introverted man.
So no friendships to start.

My smile is heavy.
I'm a lonely man,
My mood is steady.

I'm a melancholy man.

It's how I was raised.
Less than a man.
My spirit, locked in a daze.

I'm not trying to be a snood,
So don't be offended.
I'm not intentionally rude.

I'm a melancholy man.

My trust isn't easily extended.
Your kindness will be my friend.
There's love & kindness within these mended fences.

A melancholy man, I am.

Let me be the one to lift your spirits,
to tend to your injured ego.

Allow me to mend your bleeding heart.
to dry your salty tears.

I wish to be the one you find comfort from.
I want to cause you to forget the cruel past
and to forget old fears.

when your faith & confidence are strong,
when your smile and laughter are abundant,
when your eyes & spirit sparkle again,
when your happy and strong.

Will you fly away on your merry way?
Will you let me be the one?

I noticed the lack of a word!
Not everyone noticed.

It's but one word that it lacks.
A very special word...

It encases many different emotions.
It's an endearing and meaningful word.

It's also, the most over used word.
But, I see that it is as you intended.

Life is like a lottery.
There are not many winners!

To have but one winner,
There must be many losers!

The higher the prize,
The more losers!

I dream the dream,
I do so want to win.

But again, not even a free ticket.
Maybe next time!

Are you glad I played?
$$$$ Mr. Winner $$$$

It is early morning.
I can't sleep.
I sit here in front of my computer's light.
Reading of other people's plights.

I analyze and I empathize.
Is this a story poem or is this a real poem?
I am drawn closer & I see reflections of myself.
It's some how comforting to know,
I 'm not alone after all.

I agree, my life will not affect the outcome of history.
I agree, my death will not affect international relations.
My job, they can replace me in a relative short time.
My family, will do fine without me, as I would want them to.

However, seeing is not always believing, an old cliché,
I can't see what I feel inside me.
Love, hate, loneliness, happiness.
These are all very real.
Although, they are intangibles.

Even more,
What of the wind, and the heat from the sun.
What of the coldness on a clear winter night.

The Tree-of-Life must be what manages all this.
It is Mother Nature, at its best and its worst.
Even the planets and stars are subject to its rule.
The cycle of life & death.

Some unknown event created this amazing cycle
The source of the Mother Nature, the Tree-of-Life
The source of all the various forms of existence.

All that exists of nature comes from God.
It matters not how God is perceived.

Your song is truthful & meaningful.
It sings as a watchful and caring bird.
Your flight I will follow.

It is pleasing to sing in the dawn chorus.
I wish not to sing out of key.
nor, squawk with ruffled feathers.

Most times, I am inspired to sing along
Some times, I chirp & squawk my own song.
Some times, I sing  instead of listen.

Unsure of my surrounding, I give pause.
Are those ruffled feathers?
Has this tree emptied to get away from me.

She's a selfish lover, armed with stunning beauty.
She hunts joyfully for an innocent & caring heart,
She wants to satisfy her longing spirit.

Self validation by conquered hearts.
Conquests, like trophies on a night stand.
Each victory validated by a wounded spirit.
Her potent satisfactions soon dwindles.

Repeated victories, must be obtained.
Scores of bleeding hearts form rivers of tears.
Each conquest screaming from nearby roof tops.
Her Reputation becomes known by many.

The walking wounded,
They protect their dulled spirit
With raised eyebrows and gently shaking heads,
With muffled voices they warn, she is trouble waiting to happen.

I have been bitten by her kind of love.
The sting lingers in my heart,
The scars noticeable in my spirit & in my eyes.

I have her disease now.
My heart longs for love.
Not for Revenge!
But, for recovery and for self validation!

Outer beauty is about 33% of the total package.
Unfortunately, it is the first thing people notice.
An obvious statement by me, a man.

From my perspective; maybe not so unique.
A woman's physical "perfection" may not be as desirable as one might imagine.
Physical Perfection can be intimidating, by men & women.
Physical Perfection can be resented, even though admired.
Physical Perfection can also attract some "unwanted" attention.
Physical Perfection can bring on mental frustration,
while dealing with the perverted assortment of attention.

Having said so, I am curious to know the personality of a physically perfect girl.
As, I can not get close enough to say anything more than Hi as we pass in the mall.
But, my physical self can not keep her attention, even for a minute.

The competition for her attention would be too great.
My cautious and shy personality would be left behind.
She would be whisked away from me.
Most likely by a younger more physically perfect guy.

I would prefer, the girl next door type.
She looks cute and is quite nice.
When she does her magic. She transforms into a very pretty and even **** girl.
Even with glasses and slightly crooked teeth.

Her most endearing qualities though is not physical perfection.
Rather, her beaming smile, sparkling eyes, self-confidence
outgoing personality and...
her get it done attitude.

I wonder what is yonder!
Can it be different then here?
Can it be better then over there?

Where ever I go...
I take myself along.
This same person and all my flaws.

I have had a near death event.
Still, I am the same melancholy person.
Run and save yourself!

Try going over yonder,
leave your fears behind.
Else, there will be no point.

I am playing this game!
The score, not in my favor!
Time is ticking,
But not fast enough.

This is as good as it gets!
For what purpose do I exist.
A cruel joke of Mother Nature?

The Tree of life!
efficiently conjectured,
of Birth & Death.
Responding all, to wind, rain and sun.

The fruit of the tree,
Love, Anger, and Indifference.
must die to become fertile ground.

Such an efficiently cruel cycle.
The tree of life.

You are a Woman of Iron,
Composed of high expectations,
Forged with strong morals.
Quenched by the coldness of the world.

Your determination stands firm against all challenges.
Victories are graciously and easily surrendered to you.
Energetic and effective action.
All around you, people take notice.

Your are a Woman of Silk,
Your feminine form, undeniably ****.
Your sweet odor is of respect and admiration.
Your skin, amazingly smooth & firm.
Your sensal lips draw me closer.
Your smile, beautifuly contagious, brightens all the day.
Your blue-gray eyes, sparkle of happiness and captures my soul

Your sassy auburn hair, thick and shinney,
bounces and flows as you graciously move about.
Your voice is soothing, it sings to my heart.
Your laughter, lifts my spirits,

A perfect combination, you are...
A woman of Iron & Silk!

Cleavage,  Oh, what wounder!
Full and Round!
Soft and ****!

Like a bouquet of flowers!
Fregrant & beautful,
meant to be admired.

Properly displayed,
In color and lace,
So wounderfully feminine!

A cavern of love,
She captures my attention,
And releases my desire.

Add just a smile!
Even a hint of one,
a powerful potion is revealed.
Cleavage with a Smile!

A great and powerful man,
under her **** spell.
hoplessly mesmerized,
by Cleavage with a Smile.

Don't look away!
Don't be offended!
be kind, add a smile.
Cleavage With a Smile!

Taboo! Taboo!
I love you more than I should.
On the alter of Sin, I forfeit my sole to you!

Why is my love for you Taboo?
Love, so strong in spirit.
Love, so true and fresh.
Join together our flesh, with love & spirit.

How can such love be forbidden?
Natural Love, Innocent Love.
Love, that can not be overridden!

Contentment and happiness, can't be obtained,
While longing for you. If only I could.
Love, never fully expressed, never fully contained.
I love you more than I should.

A normal day, It can not be.
Your essences is constantly with me.
Taboo love for you, from me.

More than normal love,
I am in love with you.
I love you more than I should!

Bitter Sweet, Taboo Love.
Must it, will it, always be Taboo!

No second chances!
Once the deed is done,
No changes!

Do only deeds of love and respect.
Elsewise, It may cause regret.
Once done, the effects remain forever,
What's left? A memory to disect.

There are no do-overs.
So be sure of the effects!