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Mar 2016 · 308
Silence
I want to forget. But I just can’t
I don’t understand why the thoughts won’t leave my mind.
Like hornets disturbed, they swarm and stab at me
With vicious and vile stingers. Again. And again.
There’s no hiding, no swatting them away
Why can’t I just turn off the noise
Why won’t the memories leave me alone!
Go away! I can’t take the pain anymore
I don’t want to be trapped in the shackles of fate
Or branded by the irons of regret!
Please, leave me alone. I’ll do anything, anything
Anything! I’ll do whatever you want!
Let me go, let me survive. Make the pain stop
Make it stop!
Wait, yes, I can make it stop
Whatever pain registers will be brief.
It’s worth the pain, the risks. Yes! To leave this cell
Inside myself
And all I have to do is jump.
The whispers, the noise, the hornets, the SCREAMING
The stings, from the thoughts and the wind
Agonizing, MADDENING, and consuming
Then
Silence.
Mar 2016 · 614
Untitled
We wake up every morning, and muster on command
Zombies, thoughtless we submit
There are pleasantries, but no one really cares
We shuffle, shuffle, shuffle on

Everyone reports to their assigned rooms, or else
That punishment is far worse than the normal torture we face
For hours we are bombarded, brainwashed, indoctrinated
Then they see fit to let us eat.
But don’t mistake the cacophonous noise we make for joy
We just don’t know any better.

Afternoons, yard time. At least they give us that freedom,
Let us roam the broader extent of our cage, rather than
Confining us to a sullen corner of the kennel.
But even in this false freedom they make us believe, “Look what we do, for you.”

Sometimes we get visitors, then they make us dance and play
“Look how they dance for us, watch us pull the strings”
For we are well trained, or are now so lost in our own
Hopelessness and nightmarish existence that we no longer care
Don’t care what is real.
It’s easier not to think.

They crack the whip, we cringe. “Jump” they say
So we jump.
At last misery coils, hiding her venomous fangs
And we sleep, not to find true solace
But instead it is what we are told to do.
And we do what we are told to do.
Why? Because it is they who tell us to do it.

Now, the bell chimes
Again, already?
So we shuffle, shuffle, shuffle on our way
Round and round the cage
As the light of will fades.
Feb 2016 · 155
Untitled
If I could give you just one thing
One glimmer of hope in your despair
I'd want you to know, just how badly
I wish I could be there.

I know the things you're going through
And see the great depths of pain
Please trust me when I say to you
That sunshine follows after rain.

Don't think I mean to say it's easy
Or that these burdens soon shall pass
Unfortunately, the lot we've been dealt
Is like walking miles on broken glass.

It seems most days that you worry most
About putting these pressures on me
But please, remember, it's why I'm here
To deal with other's needs.

Since the day that I was born
You've watched and helped me grow
The depth of love and appreciation I have
I doubt you'll ever know.

You may believe it's still your job
To protect me from all alarm
But I swear to you with all I am
I won't allow you any harm.

No matter what more we must face
Together or apart
We'll face it head on, fearlessly
With one mind and one heart.
Feb 2016 · 185
Untitled
If I could take your pain away
And leave you happier and care free
I would.

If I could bear all your burdens
And fill your eyes with hope again
I would.

If I had to give up everything
My hope, my health, my friends, my wealth,
My life...
To give you a break,
I would.

I would do anything for you
No matter the consequences
I promise you, I would.

Because, I love you.
For you a thousand times.
Feb 2016 · 194
Untitled
I see their pain and their worries
Watch as their hope slowly fades away
They can't see the light anymore.
And I can't save them...

As I stand alone, hopeful,
I pray for some kind of miracle.

When the odds are this great
And the distance so massive
I can't bear it for them.

Dear God,
I wish I could bear it for them...
Feb 2016 · 122
Untitled
I can't sleep at night
And I can't focus during the day
I have too much to do and never enough time
But it's not my issues that haunt me
No matter what, I'll carry on
I can endure whatever may be thrown at me
It is not my own burdens that eat at me
Nor my own problems that erode my will
But the issues of others.
The simple fact is
I cannot bear their problems for them
Though I try.
And the ones I love, those I care for most
Are destroyed by what they must carry
So what keeps me up at night
Is knowing I am not enough
For them.
Feb 2016 · 141
Untitled
How do I tell an older sister who has all but given up
"Have hope"
How do I look at my younger siblings and explain
That mom and dad aren't coming back
How can I become a parent, before my time
And not turn into them
How do I bear their issues, along with mine
And do it for them
How can I protect them, raise them, and inspire them
If I am overwhelmed
How can I carry on.
Jan 2015 · 179
Life
Life is a struggle,
living is hard,
and the burdens we bear
bring us low.

But then you find,
one special person
who changes the world
and makes you wonder,
"Was I ever even
living at all?"
Jan 2015 · 199
Time
Time is one thing
I never have enough of.
Leaving me with things undone
or with late, red-eyed nights.
But one thing is certain
an undeniable truth:
no matter what should happen
or what I must do
the only constant of my day is
I'll always make time for you.
Nov 2014 · 271
All of me
For you I would do anything
I would give you the world
But I can't
So I give you myself.

For you I would do anything
Give you all I have
But never dare ask
For anything in return.

For you I would do anything
But the question still remains
If I give you my soul
Who am I.
Nov 2014 · 249
In my Head
Sometimes in my head
all I see is you.
I think of the future,
and all that we could do.
Though it's a scary thought
I know we'll be okay
because we're both strong
and will work hard everyday.

When I look into your eyes
it's hard to explain
the way the world changes
and the way I feel no pain.
You're so completely beautiful,
and I want you to know
that I'll always be right here
and I'll never let you go.
Apr 2014 · 447
For Uncle Carl
They promise you brothers and a country’s love
And say God has blessed you with strength from above
I give up my soul as white as a dove
But I will never get it back.
The glory diminishes once I have sworn in
They strip me of all that I own save my skin
Submerging me in violence and anger and sin
Staining the white of my soul black.
The call comes, the time to leave hence for abroad
Obey all my orders, “Aye Sir!” and a nod
While fighting in lands where there seems there’s no God
Get ready, we plan to attack.
Slaughter, ******, blood, death and gore
All that I have dreaded but always much more
The remains of my brothers lie strewn ‘cross the floor
So we save what we can from their packs.
Who am I now? Just what have I done?
Many have died and been killed, but who’s won?
No more memories of childhood fun
The war fills my mind full of cracks.
Somehow I manage to dodge bullets, survive
Yet what I am now is nor more quite “alive”
To be normal again, to forget, I do strive
I want to forget and go back.
Back to my country, land of the free and the brave
Seeking a welcome, ‘tis their love that I crave
But forever some hate me, despised ‘til my grave
Even at home I am under attack.
My mind is all twisted and my emotions are torn
Why was I chosen? Why was I born?
My heroic actions are viewed with full scorn
Relief from this darkness I lack.
My Uncle, Carl Book, was a CB in Vietnam. For years I didn't understand what he exactly went through, but he inspired me to join the military. I read many books and stories from people who were over there, and I finally understood what my Uncle's three Bronze Stars really meant. This was for him.
Apr 2014 · 201
Walking
I once traversed a winding track
Through lands in which strife felt no lack
Each step, each mile, they carried me
Towards what I thought I was to be
Walking on through doubts and fears
This wondrous path carried me for years
Alas, all paths must meet their end
But are remembered fondly, as a dear friend.
Turning course is a task hard to do
When one thinks on what the road has done for you
But turning and changing, yea, moving on
Is a part of life, as the dusk is to dawn
Every new route, though seeming strange at first
Can also come to quench the wanderer’s thirst
For what is new is not always bad
And has its way of making the heart glad
So change your course, clear your own way
Lest you end on a path, and be troubled each day.
Apr 2014 · 300
Soldiers
They fight for lives, though not their own
The threats they face are to many unknown
With their help we are ne'er alone
They are Soldiers.
They do what e'er they are told to do
They exemplify courage, honor, and bravery too
They will never stop protecting you
They are Soldiers
They will win spite any fee
They keep the land, the air, the sea
One day they will welcome me
They are Soldiers
I will join this mighty band
I will keep and guard this land
I will fight whilst I may stand
I am a Soldier
We will gain your lifelong trust
We will ne'er let our weapons rust
We are what we are until we return to dust
We are Soldiers
So hear me now and ne'er forget
On our honor you can bet
We live to serve with no regret
**We are Soldiers
I wrote this in high school, around Memorial Day
Apr 2014 · 547
Untitled
When all the world shall fall on you
Your steadfast faith will see you through
And when the skies give naught but rain
The friends by your side will help ease the pain
When dragons and demons and enemies shall shout
It will be my endless love that will find you out.
Apr 2014 · 429
For Will McKamey
A warrior walks, separate not alone
He must have space, his skills to hone
Though injured in his line of work
The call to arms he cannot shirk
Recovered from the felling blow
The warrior knew twas time to go
He packed and travelled, headed to
A place of great challenge, a struggle new
Our Knight, he was a fighter at heart
Impressing companions from the start
And where he went to learn new skill
There waited a Brotherhood of iron will
Founded on kinship, sealed as if by blood
Their wills as one, a striving flood.
Back in the fight, with these Brothers new
The young knight learned what to do
A Christian man with faith in God
He walked the path great Brothers had trod
A diamond rough, put to the grind
Sound of character and of mind
Beloved of the Brothers, and of others before
The Warrior was pure, down to his core.
But wounds sometimes but pretend to heal
And the strongest and best of us was made to kneel
His life is different, barely hanging on
No one knows if this Warrior will live to see dawn
The thing about Brotherhood, about battle and strife
Is that bonds that are born last all your life
When striving together, blood, sweat, and tears
Create such a bond that otherwise would take years
The Brothers arise, warriors of battle and also of prayer
Telling sweet Warrior and his family, they are there
The thing about warriors, is that for you they’ll ****
But they’ll also pray with all the might of their will
Dear God, take our strength, please unite us as one
Grant our power to Will, until he has won
If it be in Your will, if now be his time
Then take him, Lord, and leave us behind
But we beseech you, as Brothers we kneel,
That you might touch Will, his injuries to heal.
We hurt while he hurts, as family should
Because will is a part of this eternal BROTHERHOOD
We love you forever, and we beg you again
Heal our good Brother, in your name, Amen.
My brother, my teammate, was hospitalized after a freak brain injury at football practice. He passed away within a week. I wrote this two days before he passed, and it moved a lot of people. God gave me the gift to write, and he gave me these words.
Apr 2014 · 430
The Treasure
Within the castle, past gates and walls
Lying in the middle of a maze
There is a treasure which whispers calls
To all who dare risk darkness’ haze
The treasure thrives in dark and shade
Preferring always the comfort of the keep
Safely hidden from the blade
Of false hope, which cuts so deep
Brave souls dare to try the gate
And few are they which pass its lock
Fewer still can bear the weight
Of walking that great maze of rock
But the lucky adventurer may
Reach the sanctum of the prize
And choose to in the darkness stay
Falling through the treasure’s eyes.
Written for a certain young woman I am interested in.
Apr 2014 · 716
Tell Me
Tell me, have you ever been kissed in the rain
Ever loves so much that it wracks you with pain
Have you seen the sun rising, or watched as it set
Did you know they were perfect the moment you met
Have you looked into eyes, and seen naught but love
Thanked God for the blessings rained down from above
Have you lost someone special, a person held dear
When you’re alone and it’s dark do you wish they were near
Tell me of the memories, each second that passed
Of times you took first, and times you came last
Did you ever hold someone close, and whisper low
I love you forever and I won’t let go
Have you known you were wrong, and tried to make it right
The anguish of which won’t let you sleep at night
Do you miss what you had, are you mad you let go
Have you ever considered letting everyone know
Have you lost all you held, your home and your friends
Tell me, do you pray that your pains find their ends
I’ve known the top of the mountain, I’ve known the fall
I will always love you, my everything, my all.

— The End —