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Jerard Phillips Mar 2015
Just stumbled in, heartbroken again,
weight of the world, on my conscience.
wallowing in depths, cheap *** on my breath,
got deceived again, by nostalgia.
But this time I swear, with my angry glare,
I am hanging up my hat.

Slump down in my chair, the world isnt fair,
drunken words, screamed at the darkness.
Fate settles in, another bottle of gin,
cavity in my chest, now forever heartless.
I no longer care, medicated my despair,
I am hanging up my hat.

Sit on my bed, lower my head,
draw the final curtain.
My day is done, the world has won.
I've hung up my hat.
Jerard Phillips Mar 2015
Something is missing nowadays,
a familiar beating in my chest.
Well this is strange,
not having the usual DONKEY kick in my breast.

Never realised how much I would miss that beat,
morning, noon and night, put a smile on my face at a repeat.
I wonder where I lost my beat,
left in the bed, in another room, maybe under my seat?

Really worried now,
still cant find my beat.
Body slowing down, life begins to cease.
Things just arent the same, without my beat.
Jerard Phillips Jan 2015
Change for a smile?

I was always told to greet everyone with a smile.
It does not cost you a thing they say.
I tend to disagree with this statement.

A smile leads to an introduction,
This leads to a conversation,
Tends to birth a friendship,
And now you are invested in a relationship.

Everything new and exciting,
Fast paced and close to heart,
Rewards and benefits,
Never a dull moment,
Soul-mates,
An indestructible pair

However, nothing for free in today’s day and age,
A bill for the shoulder to cry on,
Debt orders for the acts of loyalty,
Receipts to prove what has been done for you,
Bank guaranteed cheques accepted here,
Best you pay up on time my friend.

Wake up and your life account shows a very depressing zero,
But this is no reason to despair
You are now the proud owner of real world experience,
Invested into yourself,
The first crop may be lost, but there are still smiles left to come

So I sit across from you,
With a smile on my face,
‘That will be one lessoned learnt please’ I say
‘There you go kind sir’ you reply
‘Thank you’ I reply
Now please take your change.
Jerard Phillips Mar 2015
Keep busy, keep control, keep calm.
Stay safe, stay sane, stay in the moment.
Maintain the balance, maintain the joy, maintain the peace.
Forget the past, forget the now, forget the future.
Drift away, drift to where you don't want to be, drift away into darkness.
Jerard Phillips Jan 2015
Same ****** mattress
Same ***** white walls
Same pile of unwashed laundry
Same window left ajar

Winters cold wind blows
Hollowing through the trees outside
Something colder and familiar travels on tonight's cold winter chill
It bangs on the ajar window, knocking, no, insisting to come in

It knots the stomach
It Cracks the spine
It Tightens the jaw
It Poisons the mind

Its grip tightens
It whispers memories best forgot
It sends shivers up and down the chest
It laughs as it leaves

Same ****** mattress
Same ***** white walls
Same pile of unwashed laundry
Should really close that **** window.
Jerard Phillips Jan 2015
Poor runaway girl

Packed bags in the corner by her table
Burnt out cigarette butts in the ashtray
Another day, another man, another broken dream
Another town, another time, another try

Always was daddy’s favourite little girl
Doe eyed, round cheeked, silent and touchable
He would never let any harm come to her
The apple of his eye, sweet as cherry pie

But at night there was a monster
In her most private place he would haunt her
Never good enough for others, only he wanted her
Silent words from silent lips, that’s he taught her

***** needles, high heels and red lipstick
Choice of an entire catalogue of monsters
Some rich, some loving, some loud, all looking for the same thing
Used and *****, abused and shake
New monster, same fate

Packed bags in the corner by her table
Burnt out cigarette butts in the ashtray
Another day, another man, another broken dream
Another town, another time, another try
Jerard Phillips Mar 2015
I never really knew you, never really saw you.
Yet I see your eyes on the face of every woman I see.
See your soul in every longing gaze in my direction.

We were never really friends, never really close.
Yet I smile when I see your personality traits.
Miss someone I never really had.

We never knew each other, never barely met.
Why do I think of your dark silky hair, everytime I see a brunette.
Seeing the ghost of someone, I never even met.
Jerard Phillips Jul 2016
Sun filled day.
The song of birds flooded the air.
Vivid colours stolen from a French painting panorama pleased my vision,
Freshly roasted Colombian sang like a siren to my nose.
It would be rude to not sit down.

The oak chair cradled me, like a Madonna and her babe.
A pure white angel with golden hair, asked me for my order.
I gave it to her, black coffee and ham on rye.
She floated away, like the vision she was,
But a darkness returned in her place.

In came my order.
Carried by a creature from the darkest jungles of Africa,
A lowly beast no higher in status than my crooked table.
It gave me a gap toothed smile, as it placed my order down.
It was wrong, my order was wrong.

Why was I surprised?
Of course this beast could not comprehend the simple concept of service.
One would assume with its history, service would be ingrained in the blood.
I refused the plate, sent it back, demanded the angel back.
Like a dove from above she returned.

Something was wrong.
She walked straight up, and informed me that she had asked not to serve me.
Was it because she was in cahoots with the black one?
Due to some ancient server code of morality?
No, she just did not want to serve a curry eating terrorist.
Jerard Phillips Jan 2015
Unwelcome
Unwelcome
Cold wind, starless night, silent moan,
Lights on, voices heard, somebody must be home.
Sweaty palms, heavy breathing, humbled pride,
Glimmer of courage, act while you still can, time to go inside.

Tap-tap, knock-knock, no reply,
Laugh-laugh, whisper-whisper, weighs heavy on the mind.
Locked door, latched tightly, thoughts of kicking it down,
Unanswered door bell, shuffle of feet, dancing movements going round and round.

Bang-bang, slam-slam, just can’t get in,
Bolts moving into place, lights turned off, stomach fills with grim.
Light of realisation, returning of reason, rising of a veiled sun,
Back to turned to the door, try another house, clearly unwelcome.
Jerard Phillips Jan 2015
No this will not be an ode to creativity,
Nor will it be an epithet for emotion.
It will not serve as intellectual *******,
Nor an attempt at pointless immortality.

I write simply cause I do,
Much in the vein of walking, eating, breathing.
It is an instinctive process of nature,
Like a lion hunting a buck.

No I do not strive to write.
I do not search for muse or flavour.
On occasion a bolt from the heavens
Will find its way through my pen
Onto a paper
And like the village *****
Land up discarded on my floor

This is not a love letter to myself
I did earlier confess
I write simply cause I do
Its nothing more than a natural process

— The End —