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You always listen to my voice mails,
So I know you care.
You always save them,
So I know you love me.
But I also know that there is another whom you love and who loves you
And I am heartbroken.
I am heartbroken because he is the one,
Your one.
I am heartbroken knowing that he gets to hold you
And you hold him.
I am heartbroken to think of him kissing you
And you kissing him.
I am heartbroken,
But I can still hope.
I hope that he treats you well.
I hope that he makes you happy.
I hope that you think of me from time to time.
But most of all,
I hope that some time in in this life or the next
We get our chance.
If any of these were to be fulfilled,
I would be happy.
But I hope it is the last.
I am made of red lipstick and brewed coffee at four in the morning
I am made of hidden scars and kisses    
under bleachers
I am made of black tights and short skirts
I am made of drugstore make up and hickeys
I am made of city lights and stiletto heels
And a bit of acid
I am made of free shots of love and unspoken 'I love you's'
I am made of sad tears and fake smirks
I am made of poetry and dusty furniture no one will ever clean
A call changed my life.
I can hear her voice shaking, grumbling about the unfairness of life.
It has caught me in a daze of unexpected news, of an unexpected loss.
Life has cheated my faith once more, taking his soul to a restful haze.
But his journey just started, life is more than a physical presence.
He is now in a spiritual journey, in a mystical paradise of eternal happiness.

My tears are his new ways of caressing my cheeks.
My numbness his way of hugging my veins stopping with it all my blood flow.
The blood that carries his name and genes through rivers of crystallized waters.
Making each drop of blood a diamond of inherited richness.

He will now be my life companion.
My only confidant.
My only light.
My only serenity.
My only joyfulness.
My only guide to a peaceful life.

You are now the ink of these words I write, the message behind each line.
You are now my purpose for life, my biggest light of sunbeam that each morning shines.
You are now my ANGEL, embracing me, with each breeze mother nature gives me.
Making everything less painful.

My life will forever smile while looking up at the sky.
Just let me know how glorious your life is now, resting your head on clouds.
Our vows, will forever make me proud.
Making your memories into beautiful sounds.
And healing with it the wounds you left, when you decided to fly.

Just let me know how heaven feels.
Grandpa.
This silence deafens me,
Surrounded by recurring faces,
In a room flooded with sound-
Yet I've never felt so alone

But I can't escape my mind,
Cannot run in the labyrinth of my soul;
Out of breath- yet so alive-
My imagination unleashed
into the ebony void of oblivion.

A key- no lock, a door- no handle,
Follow my footprints, I beg you please!
But they're invisible-
Washed away by the moonlit tide.

Painted masks, reflections and shadows
are all they see, yet why don't they realise?

I try to yell- and they're all listening,
Yet my scarlet voice fails to reach their ears.
Because no one can save me now- except myself.
And that's out of the question.

Read between the lines of an empty page-
Separated by slim yet strong walls of emotion,
This is my battle- of which I must fight.
I won't win, but what does that matter?

Stretched out empty hands
and the shards of a broken mirror,
The silent waters break my reflection.
And I have never looked more beautiful.

My pen has long since become hungry for ink-
Yet I still write
with the tears seeping from my eyes,
Long into the eternal night-
When the stars and I have drowned in the moons embrace.

And now, as the rain dances upon my window like piano keys,
I appear just as I should.
A swirl of ink. A jigsaw puzzle. Myself.

For my body does not own me,
Nor do I have the right to change it-
But still, I continue to do so.
For I need a slender frame. I need the scars.
But however much I long for them- they are out of my reach.

So no- I am not my body.
Merely a whisper of the wind,
An invisible footprint in the sand.

And my brain and my imagination
they merge together in a pallet of grey and rainbow,
Until all I have left to clasp onto
are the hands of time, and my steady heartbeat.
Two worlds collide- Enemies embrace.
Bridges collapse and tunnels cave in.

The impossible has been accomplished-
and I don't want it to stop.

What.
Have.
I.
Become?
Heartache is so unoriginal.
But you make mine feel special.

You made the hurt feel unique.
Like it was nothing anybody has
ever felt before.

We're all in pain
over the same
recycled tragedies.

But somehow you made mine feel shiny.
My breaking heart felt like something new.
My aching bones felt like a rebirth.

I wanna reward you for stomping on my heart.
Your foot prints on my ribcage are proof of living.
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