check(mate)

you know what you're doing
you know what game you're playing
you know the pain you’ll cause
and you enjoy it

you play with me like you play with fire
not caring about the burns
because the burns don't affect you
they only affect me

and I watch you play your games
with me
with her
with every girl you see

and I know all this
I know your tricks
your rabbit out of the hat
but yet I sit here and let you saw me in half

and I turn my tired eyes
because I don't want to see this
but you don't see this
how can I make you see this?

that you're hurting me
you're squeezing this heart hidden behind brick walls
you're crushing this delicate bird that flutters in my chest
and you're breaking its wings so it no longer beats

and you're watching me crumble
watching me cry
watching this curse that you placed on me corrupt me
but this time you turn your eye

and I
am left to be a pawn in this chess game
as you kiss my cheek
and checkmate me, another fallen queen

eyes
her eyes were like the sky
bright by day
and hollow by night
even on her brightest day
you might still see the moon
the mother of the night
in her large dark ocean orbs
and her darkest night
always has a glimmer of hope
like the stars that dot the sky
but those stars have been going out
one by one
and her days have shortened and crumbled slowly
her sun is burning out
and her eyes, those windows that look like they are being constantly hit with relentless rain
and I just want to hold her
and close those sorry eyes
for an eternal peaceful slumber

kind sir,
tell me what its like to fall in love
tell me what it feels like to hold their hand
to kiss them
and what if feels like to hold them tightly
do they feel like sunshine?
does their hair bounce as lively as they themselves?
what is it like to spend time with them
in their small bedroom
with white curtains
and an out of date calendar?
what is it like to look at the glow in the dark stars on the ceiling.
and to swim in their eyes
to get giddy off their giddiness?
tell me, kind sir
will i ever experience this for myself?
will i ever experience this phenomenon
that so many breathe as religiously as oxygen?
will i depend on someone to give me the attention
the love
the happiness i seek?
is there a way to be my own
without someone categorizing me as the “single cat lady”?
or telling me “you haven’t found the right person” or “you’ll find someone eventually”?
i am sick of feeling that someone knows me better than i know myself
should i be bitter, or should i be sweet?
kind sir
i am jealous of you
you feel so deeply
love so endlessly
and break so beautifully
you are everything i wish i could be
a man educated in the art of butterflies
a man of emotion
the king of hearts
kind sir,
you say you feel twice as much as a normal human does
perhaps that is why i feel half of what a normal human feels