they keep growing
there is nothing i can do to stop it
i think so hard and try to find reason
to why i didn’t pay more attention in the beginning
people tell me it’s still the beginning

i see those moments now
the ones i will cherish forever
and remember long from now
i see them
i hope they see me
for who i was and who i try so hard to be
not for who i am now
hardworking
unavailable
exhausted
i try i really try

there is one thing
one thing i know as clear as glass
it’s that your not here
you never really were
those moments that i’m seeing
i’m seeing them all for myself
you will never feel
never see
never know
how they grow
how they hurt
how they happy
how they cry
how they eat
how they sleep
you’ll never know

those bring tears to my eyes
i am strong and realize that’s your loss
not mine nor their’s…
i’m here
i perform
i am reliable
i am responsible
i have always been here
i will always be here

-Jenny Jen Cat

i know a girl who pushed a guy so hard to be,

she pushed him right out the door.

if she had just let him be,

he would probably be just what she was pushing for.


-Jenny Jen Cat

of course i’m in love with you.
i know only one other emotion and that’s hate.
i get emotionally strung out on you sometimes.
simply put me in my place and i’ll be just fine.
tell me to knock it off but don’t ******* off…
of course i love you but of course i’m lying.

-Jenny Jen Cat

if you gently take my hand
and lead me
into the ocean of your love

don’t be surprised if,
when you leave me there to drown in your piercing silence,

i destroy myself,
fighting to get back to shore.

-Jenny Jen Cat

never cry about who you never became

but sit back and embrace who you are now

and who you might be tomorrow.

-Jenny Jen Cat

i’d like to go and sit, sit very still.

i’d listen to nothing, but hear the wind, swallow the calm.

i’d sit for days.
i’d eat nothing.
drink nothing.
i’d see, breath and hear.

no movement-silence.

i’d contemplate life.

i’d see the world, all of it.
i’d meditate.
i’d drink in the finality and possibilities of.
i’d ask and answer all of my questions.

i’d argue with myself.
i’d agree.

i’d simply- be.

     i’d like to go and sit.

i’d be humbled again.
clean again.
free again.
gratuitous again- me again.

i’d see you again.
i’d expect nothing.
i’d know everything.

     i’d be happy again.

-Jenny Jen Cat