I'm loosing it
My vision blurs
As it takes over.
I don't feel it.
Or do I?
Is that why my head feels on fire,
why my throat closes?
Can I turn it off?
Just take the key out of the ignition,
Flip the switch
Let it all die out
Would it fade under water?
Can I watch it disperse and let the light fade?
I want to see that last intake of suffering
See that final bubble float to the surface....

Anger
It's unnerving
It fills the blood and takes control
Possession is the true word
Hold you captive till its satisfied
Sadistic in its evermost desire
Though the true nature is to harm
I fight to hold on
Hold on to my moments of humanity
Hold on to those bits of good
It slithers through me
I can hardly stomach the feeling
Arms aching, my body sore
How do i get rid of it?
Or do i let go?

This family is filled with hypocrisy
Do as I say not as I do
The fool is you
For you obey
You conform to their ways
You desire approval
But receive disgrace
Mess up and you'll pay  
But shut your eyes
and close the door maybe they'll be nice,
Oh what hope there is to grasp at the wake of that end, but none for now, hold your breath
Wait till you turn blue
But in that last gasp for air they'll pinch your nose and hold your mouth, shhh a little longer they'll whisper until finally your gone

Look, Don't touch,
It just sprouted
It's rooted deep bellow you,
It's forbidden you know this,
No you can't decide
It has been decided for you
These are the rules the boundaries...
Why now do you question them?
Is it cause this is new?
Is it cause u've known of everything else, but this, this is new.
Stop!
Your hand will get stuck!
Stop fighting what you know!
Let it go!
Help it flourish.
That is your job!
Get back to work!

Go
Get away from here
Get away from the trap!!!
Do you here me!
Run!
Why are you staying?
Your in pain!
Stop it!
Why aren't you listening!
I told you what would happen...
Why would you come this way?
Why?!
I didn't want this for you!
Now look what I've caused...
Look at yourself...
Leave.

“I Hope Your Happy Now Your Free”
Free from the eternal feelings
From the bleeding heart 
the one I played before you 
Those words are now cut 
short of what was to be said 
But be happy this was all a game
like its always been
This all was foolish
I became the fool
 believing
believing that I was all you see
I was blind to my mistake 
your heart was not mine to take
so go on 
I’ll get out of your way 
“I Hope Your Happy Now Your Free”

You became a fantasy
You planted a seed that bloomed into a flower
It grew tall and colorful
Oh it was wonderful
But like the busy man
You had other deeds to tend to
Your first rose grew thorns and pricked you
So now some other tends to it not knowing of the pain it shall bring
While your second rose you neglect
It longs for your tending love
And you believe it to be strong on its own
But in reality it gets weaker as the days pass
You leave it in the care of no one
When the petals fall and it's leaves begin to wilt
You pay no mind
You see the weeds begin to choke its roots but instead of tending to it
You leave it be
The flower holds on for dear life hoping one day, maybe one day, the tender man will tend to its needs...

I love your cruelty
Your twisted ways
Those sick jokes
My concerns for you is like a mothers care
But you are like the run away son
I've sacrificed and let you toy with me
But there's not much more I can take

Why do I subject myself to you?
I forget I'm the human punching bag
It isn't just you
It's countless
I guess I'v taken to many hits to remember.
Anyways carry on.

(Drink)
Remember to smile
Remember to show your ok
Hold your head up
….But I’m sad
Quiet!
(Drink)
Remember to breath
Don’t talk to much
Lower your voice
…. But I want to be
I said Quiet!
(Drink)
Let go
Push away
Be more distant
Don’t let them know you want them
… But I’m lonely
Shhhh!
(Drink)
Don’t let them know your inner thoughts
Don’t ask for it
Ignore the cold feeling
Actually ignore feeling at all
… But thats not healthy
Watch yourself!
(Drink)
No one cares that your not ok
Joy is for the lucky ones
Your allowed to be alive not exist  
… But I want to exist, be loved and
Dont fool yourself!
(Drink)
You think your fighting against someone
Your not
Remember I am you
and your only talking to me
(Drink)

We gave it a shot
and as the medicine cooled and chilled the veins
it mended the illness pooled within
and oh what rush
but as the days past there was a need
a need for more
the darkness was seeping back in
and only doses where given
minimal but satisfying
heart-wrenching but heart-mending
what better medicine then love
oh but in truth what worse
It clings to the heart
and intwines itself with all that it surrounds
once those doses are up  
the pain floods back in
the shakes
the pit
the tears
are what take over
they devour whats left
and shrivel you up
and take its place as that constant cycle
reminding what life is like
pain filled and alone
"try again" it’ll tease
but instead you’ll cower and hide
in your defeat
"this my surrender" you’ll say
and hope to God you’ll listen.

I wanted to see
See who you are
Who we ought to be
What we should've been
But there you go
Once again
I remember this pain
I remember your words
Your promises
You amaze me
How easily you trap me, everytime
Will I ever really let it go
Will I ever let it be enough
What are the limits
*what are our limits
Will I keep your love
Or can I give my heart a break
Wait...
Is that the same thing?
Braking my heart...
Wait no...
That's not what I meant
I meant rest
But I guess,
Why not,
Once again..

Shake, Shiver, Pain
Why?
I can feel it
It's going to come out
The beating is so loud
Shake, Shiver, Pain
I can't feel my finger
Shake, Shiver, Pain
I don't understand
Why are you fighting against me?!
Shake, Shiver, Pain
You didn't do enough!
Shake, Shiver, Pain
They'll know
Shake, Shiver, Pain
Ahh there it goes
Shake, Shiver, Pain
I'm going to brake
Shake, Shiver, Pain
It's never gonna end
Shake, Shiver, Pain
Hear come the tears
Shake, Shiver, Fear
Please go away
Shake, Shiver, Pain
Shake, Shiver, Tears
Shake, Shiver, Fears
Shake, Shiver......
Shhhhhhhhhhhh

All we had intertwined
But that was our crime
So deny, deny, deny
Don't worry I'll be fine