I want to sit with you at four in the morning
I want to know your hands
I want to know your smile
I want to make you laugh
I want to make you think
I want to make chocolate chip pancakes with you
I want to be with you
And I want you to want to be with me
Only me

The refreshing drink clears my throat
Clears my worries
Clears my head
Many adults may use water
And yet, I utilize the one pertaining to infants
For although I may be an adult in years,
In my heart,
I am only a young girl with a thirst for cereal,
Without the cheerios

How do I know if your sweet brown eyes look at me with fondness or an average friendship?
If only I could find it midst the stacks of mix cd's and oreo brownies made not from request but from simply wanting to.
In there lies the true meaning of what this all is, and what it may all turn out to be.

Who was I to you?
I felt as though I finally found someone
Someone who would actually fight for me
Someone who would kiss me when they wanted to because they had the courage

But maybe you were never courageous at all
Maybe you were just some dumb kid
A dumb kid whose false confidence came from getting high on his rooftop
A dumb kid without a license but never lacking the ignorance of appreciating what others did for him

But maybe
It was me
Maybe I was the one with the charming smile
That contagious laugh that made you think you'd be enough for me

But you never really were enough, were you?

I'll say all the right things
because I want you to need me to say them to you
I'll do anything for you
because I want you to need me to do it for you
I'll be here when you need me
I would never miss your call
but I was just meant to help you recover
*you never truly needed me at all

I am like Duncan
We believe in human goodness
And we believe that people can change
We trust too easily

And that's what gets us killed in the end
We believe the lies that our so called 'friends' tell us
We believe that they have our best interest at heart
But in reality, we're just someone they needed to get out of their way

It is 1:23 A.M. and I feel safe
Not happy
Not sad
Simply safe

Exactly one year from now
My life will be completely different
Not so safe
Not so planned

Simply *real