There's a secret garden in my mind
Here are the keys
Dreams and nightmares lined with silver
Enter with caution, please

We walked the laurel floral covered fast lanes that were once meant for ships and planes
Lifetime friendships forged over baggage claims

Blessed to live the life live that was once only Pay-Per-View televised
Ive memorized moves made by ghosts that left me mesmerized

This is privileged private property I'll share with you not for publicity
Although this is a part of my recipe to leave a legacy
A high density dose of tranquility
Dream of me Mzanzi
Dream of me 3thirty

I think about the fact
That each of us
Has been spending these nights
Sitting in our respective bedrooms
Fighting back the monsters in our closets
Always forgetting the one under the bed
That strikes just as sleep is about to come
With a swift remembrance
Of how alone each of us feels
And how hollow
I feel like we might make a good team
Like maybe together we could banish the demons
You get the closet, I'll check under the bed
Maybe we might finally get some rest
I'm so tired

The knowledge that you're hurting
Sits like an ember in my ribcage
Slowly simmering away
Next to vital organs
I try to douse it with tears
But it looks like I'm crying gasoline

I feel the emptiness
Where your body would fit next to mine
And suddenly I feel very small and alone
Lost in a space that is too big for me
This wasn't meant for a single person
I'm trying so hard to fill up this void
With patches and cleverly placed knick knacks
But the hole is still very visible
If I were to consult a real estate agent
They would advise me to fill it in
Pretend it was never there
Make the space more appealing
So that others may find it pleasant
I don't think I could bring myself to close it
I still have hope that one day
I won't have to worry about bad weather
Or drafts coming inside
Because the emptiness will be filled
And not by spackle and new paint
But with strong arms and a beating heart

Though I'm empty when you go
*I just wanted you to know

I am the planets we can’t get to
and you are the entire earth;
vast, beautiful, and a little bit neglected.
I am the alien spaceships that fly over
our country to observe, but never make contact.
I am hidden in the far corners of the universe
and I don’t know how to reach you in a way
that you’d want me to stay.

I always associated tears
With strong emotions
People cry when they are
Sad
        Frustrated
                            Angry
                                        Happy

But right now I feel nothing
And I think these tears must be confused
Because I'm devoid of strong emotions
I'm just hollow

                                                                                                  …and slightly wet

My life is consistently out of balance
I don't manage my time well
I'm either doing a million things
Or nothing at all
I don't manage my social life well
I'm either seeing everyone
Or no one at all
I don't manage my aspirations well
I either have dozens of dreams
Or none at all

And I think the worst of it
Is that I don't manage my emotions well
I'm either feeling everything
Or nothing at all
And this constant shift
Between all or nothing
Is disorienting in the most horrible way