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Jenni May 2014
Every few days
It feels like the end of the world
But somehow
It always ends up okay
I'm not sure how much longer
I can take this vicious back and forth
Between neutrality and disaster
And it feels like I have
As much control over this cycle
As I do over the phases of the moon
Or the ebb and flow of the tides

Maybe predicting it
Is as good as it's going to get
Jenni May 2014
I've never been religious
But every so often
A song will come on
And it will make me believe
If only for a few minutes
That there's something worth
Believing in
As adamantly as any deity
Jenni May 2014
I have a tendency to spend
50% of my day
Hiding under a blanket
Eyes shut tight
Breathing steady
Mind wandering

They say sleep is for the weak
And I'm not about to dispute them
Jenni May 2014
It occurred to me the other day
That I am technically an adult
Who has no clue
How the world really works
And suddenly I'm feeling guilty
For all those times
That I threw aside the instruction manual
When putting together a piece of furniture
Or setting up a new program
Maybe there's something to be said
For being over-prepared
Jenni May 2014
Sometimes I feel like maybe
Somewhere along the way
Something went wrong

Like maybe I got damaged
In a way that
If I were a commodity
Sold at a department store
They would be compelled
To lower my price
Because I am no longer
In good condition

Most days this causes apprehension
But sometimes I remember
That there are people out there
Who would be happy to find
That blender they always wanted
Or a sweater in their favorite color
At a good discount
Even if the plastic was slightly chipped
Or the sleeve had a loose thread
Maybe this is the wrong way
To think about things
But for now it's all I've got
Jenni May 2014
It's hard to admit to someone
That you think that they
Are the coolest person you've ever met
When you've spent your entire life
Learning to never
Lean on someone too much
Because they always end up
Letting you fall
I still don't know if I'll see you before september and I think I'd almost be relieved if I don't.
Jenni May 2014
The darkness has swallowed
All hope for reprieve
My heart beats are hollow
My confidence leaves
And though they know that I wallow
And they know that I grieve
Their darkness has swallowed
My hopes for reprieve

The monsters are coming
To take me away
I know they are waiting
I know where they stay
And the sunlight is waning
The day fades away
And the monsters are coming
To take me away

My debt must be paid now
It’s long overdue
I do not care how
As long as it’s soon
If my life I must lay down
I’ll leave it with you
For my debt must be paid now
It’s long overdue

You were so trusting
Your heart was so pure
Your dreams were of wedding rings
You knew I was yours
And I heard your soul sing
But I messed up the chords
But still you were trusting
And our love was pure

You never suspected
What I was inside
Because I had perfected
My tactful lies
Or cause you resurrected
My human side
So you never suspected
The monster inside

That night I remember
It’s painfully clear
Your pain like an ember
To burn and to sear
Your soul like November
Cold and dark with fear
Yes, that night I remember
It’s painfully clear

Your scream like a siren
Beckoned to me
You didn’t know I was the tyrant
That I was the banshee
I had the strength of a lion
But lacked sympathy
So your scream, like a siren
Appealed to me

All the love we had shared
Our life of fairy dust
Had I really cared?
Or was it blood lust?
Were your instincts impaired?
Or were they just?
Had the love we had shared
Dissolved into dust?

I don’t know, I confess
My emotions have dulled
But since your death
I can not be consoled
And though I took your last breathe
My misery unfolds
But ah, I digress
My soul has grown cold

My time has now come
I hear the footsteps
This means little to some
But I’ll try my best
Because where they come from
Those dark, soulless depths
Will soon be my home
Once you steal my last breathes

For now apart
Forever together
My soul belongs to you
Please come to claim it soon
I wrote this a super long time ago but here it is
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