I long for something more
than I am right now.
I don't know how I will get there
I don't know if I'll get there
I don't know where there is.

Sleepless nights and painful awakenings
is not all I am.
I was meant for something more
than this

It's been months, years in fact
that I've had this body hauling itself over me
it wont leave nor will it stay.

It's a darkness, a voice
a crawling presence I feel behind me.
It craves self hatred and pain.
It's the thoughts I get late at night
when I cannot sleep.

It fades once I give in
and grows when I resist.
It's the tears I shed when I see happiness,
because I cannot remember
the last time
I felt it

Standing as one
Thinking like thousands
My mind consuming me
Like a cloud smothering a plane

The pressure of thought crushing my brain
My pulse rushing through my body
Hands shaking, legs trembling
a waterfall of emotion falls from my eyes
as I make the final decision

Something so simple can make such chaos
Inside my body, I cry
Ready to say goodbye to this war
Between myself, and this cruel world we call home