Blood shedding,
But this time it's different.
It bleeds in a shape.
The word "die"
The word will last forever,
Forever carved into my leg.

Suicide all around,
Two in one week.
Will I be next?
No.
Mother says it's selfish.
Cannot disappoint mother.

Will anyone save me?
Will anyone hear the call?
Will anyone stop me?

No.
I'm on my own.
I need to be strong.
I will push through.

For who?
Not I.
No.
Everyone else.
I cannot disappoint.

I wonder if you look in the mirror and like what you see.

I wonder if you miss what you used to be.

I wonder if you realize what you are,

You're going to be that girl who works at the stripper bar.

You're defensive, scummy, and rude,

Although we made up, we're still in this feud.

I don't know what you did undergo,

But you've changed, and that's all I know.

Razor,
I thank you for being my friend.
You are all I have
And you'll be here until the bitter end.

You understand me.
You know I'm not after pity.
You've been here for it all,
You've watched me fall.

You don't leave me,
When the rest of the world,
Is far gone and free.

You don't judge,
You don't hate.
You put me in a content state.

So I thank you razor,
For putting up with my sorrow,
Because without you,
I might not be here tomorrow.

I noticed your scars,
You noticed mine,
We understood.

Never spoke a word,
We didn't know how.
Didn't know we could.

We went to the library.
I picked up Cuts,
You picked up Scars.

We were trying to speak up.
Trying to convey a message,
One that was the both of ours.

I noticed that you count calories.
You noticed that I'm always nauseous.
We know the truth.

We'll never speak a word,
But we noticed each other's,
Misunderstood, unstable youth.

Waking up in a panic,
Heart racing,
Sweat dripping,
Head pounding,

Sleep is not an option,

Counting sheep,
Staring at the clock,
Looking at the ceiling,
Rolling back and forth.

Even if it is my choice.

I'm going through a cycle,
That death can only end.
So many mixed emotions,
I cannot begin to comprehend.

Expressing my emotions,
Leads to being an "attention *****"
I do not take the razor to my skin,
But I do start a war.

Holding everything in,
Leads to fake laughs and smiles,
Tears fall when I'm alone,
And the blood pours out for miles.

Sober, I'm depressed,
Drunk, I tell everyone,
High, I'm relaxed,
But all, I just want to be done.

In the end,
I always feel like ****,
So as Darwin would say,
Clearly I'm unfit.

Mirror Mirror on the wall,
Who's the suckiest of them all?
Grab a blade and leave a scar,
Always remember how terrible you are.

Face drenched in tears
Trying not to make a sound
Hiding in the dark
I don’t want to be found

Feeling so alone
Locked in a condensed room
Hiding in the dark
Covered in my incense perfume

Pushing all away
Trusting only me, myself, and I
Hiding in the dark
So no one can say goodbye

Always in pain
Not letting myself heal
Hiding in the dark
Until I am unable to feel

Nobody can get too close
Repeating the viscous path
Hiding in the dark
I need to control all this wrath

Speaking to nobody
Trying to be perfect in their eyes
Hiding in the dark
Cannot accept more goodbyes

Smiling all the time
Everyone thinks I am okay
Hiding in the dark
Putting on a great display

A facade is all I am
No one knows my inner emotions
Hiding in the dark
Only with all these ‘potions’

They have not found a cure
Fourteen years and no cause
Hiding in the dark
I have to put my life on pause

I have not told a soul
I will never break the seal
Hiding in the dark
I refuse to heal

I fear for the day.
The day that someone finds my scars.
Someone will put the pieces together.

I fear the thoughts on my mind.
The mind I once loved,
The one that now wants to **** me.

I fear becoming that cliche girl.
The girls that I thought didn't really exist.
The depressed, suicidal girls that I have morphed in to.

I fear fear.
Fear is holding me back.
Fear is controlling my life.
**** the fear, not yourself.

I'm floating around,
       Not knowing where to go.
Trying not to think,
       So tears do not show.
Any sign of emotion,
       Will make me blow.
And here I'll stay,
        Way, way below.

"Who is that?"
"Me? No. What? That can't be me."*

Where did these scars come from?
Where did my mind go?
What happened to the happy smile,
And the eyes that would brightly glow?
What happened to that pretty girl?
With the brain that would always grow?
When did this life turn so sharply cold?
When did my self-esteem become so low?
When was the last time I was happy?
I can honestly say, I don't even know

My eyes are always tearing,
Death is on my mind,
And the only thing I can say,
Is that I'm perfectly fine.

You call yourself a friend?

You point out my flaws,
Every chance you get.
You start drama,
Just to make me upset.
You only talk about you,
And shut me down.
You sit there and complain,
But get angry if I frown.
You claim I'm asking for pity,
Because I'm depressed.
You say my life isn't bad,
And I'm just stressed.
You won't even ask,
What is going on with me,
You only care if you're involved,
Otherwise you will flee.

I cry suicide and you swore,
That I was an attention *****.

I'm asking for you to care,
But I hope you're aware,
That you're a *****.
You'll be that way until the end.
But you will continue to say that you're a friend?

I have a black and white way of thinking,
There's no such thing as gray,
It is 100 percent perfect or I fail,
*In every single way.

There is blood on my sheets,
A knife in my hand,
A cut on my stomach,
Yet no one will understand.

My happiness is all an act,
I don't want to be alive,
You're pushing me away,
I cannot survive.

I've come so far from the past,

And I don't know where I'm going,

And I don't know where I'll be,

But I'm heading in the direction,

Of a something I don't recognize.

A place called happy.