Heavily sinking my heart within my tears.  Reality beats in my skull as I witness the dawning of my worst fears.
You claim emotions yet you show none.  Together was the beat we were as one.  I felt with you forever young, forever in love and forever woven within the song you so greatly sing.  
My gullibility the Victor of me once more.  The strength I found was false for in a corner I'm destined to stay, alone, broken, frail and simply done.

If only
if only it were. ...
       If only. ...
if only I held the same gleam in your eyes as you do in mine,
if only it were our common place to meet in a beautiful silence
Where the look in my eyes automatically told you the story of my
irrefutable love story,  starring. ..you!  
If only it were. ..
       If only. .....
if only I held your heart as you hold mine,  yearning in the
palm of your hand for your desirable love.  If only it were. .
if only it were me,  just this one flawed, delicate, woman.
  Saturated in past pain, marinated in present fear but
loving so strongly. ..that was solely the one you desired
above the rest.
If only it were. ..
         If only. .....
if only you understood,  that the moon is much closer
than you think.  If only you knew that it was I who speared
my soul just to bring you the brightest being in the sky
to help light your path to walk with me by your side. ...
if only it were. ....simply you, shamelessly loving me with
the same energy I exude while walking over broken glass
just to simply be noticed by you as others perfectly are.
If only it were. ...

The endless emotions running throughout my body burn like wildfire, your essence creates that ever glowing ember of pleasure and blithe. In your smile I see the sky with limitless love, limitless power and limitless beauty.

Growing old in your arms is my future and will, for together we have conquered the quest of life and love! Tumescent hearts binding in fields of cadence sung by our very own choir of angels. My heart beats in sync with yours, in sync with our every breath, our every move.

You are my greatest gift, my most prized partner for the team we have created together is one undefeated victor. There is no obstacle we cannot beat, no course we cannot take and no doubt between our triumphs together.

I love you now, I love you forever and always.

I found you, I found you in the midst of all my darkness where only the thought of ever finding meaningful love again resided. You gave me life, breathed it into my very soul and made it so the hole I had within me subsided. Your words gave hope, your hand gave warmth, your eyes gave wisdom but your heart never gave. I never had you from the very beginning, the illusion I had was fallacious yet I still have aspirations of your love and our empire for without my king my reign is meaningless. I will never sleep without you in my dreams, I will never ponder without you in my thoughts, I will never love without you in my heart. I gave you all, not much left to give, so now it's time I figure how to live. Now it's time I learn yet another lesson, one that has been the most pain filled. What is there to rebuild when my foundation has broken into thousands of pebbles, will my insides ever be fulfilled?
You were my truth, you were my justice in the world that's cold and broken you were my peace. I gave you too much, I gave you my soul that wasn't mine to give. I gave you my breath while I drowned and you never noticed. My intention was to keep you afloat, away from hurt, away from evil and away from sadness. I'm left standing still, I'm left to sink, to bear a burden of the forever I promised in silence and alone. The love I bear for you that burns has turned my warm heart to stone.
In gathering my ultimate fear of losing you, I face this more afraid than I've ever been, for the growing emotions inside me of thinking forward to a future that you may not be is not a future I wish to dwell. Hopes that flush away I bring back for looking into your eyes motivates me to try and try and try more. By your side I will be, hoping, praying, and waiting until the time you seek is found.

Love is like that guy that missed the bus. He runs after it trying to catch it or make it to the next stop praying someone gets off and slows the driver down. Only, he doesn’t get there in time and is hurt he has to wait longer for the next bus. The next right bus,  the one with with his number and route.
It’s like the one girl in school that’s different, the one that sits alone. She longs for a friend and when she finally meets one she’s whole. Then the friends grow up and grow apart and she drifts away while your here holding the other half of your heart. Only it’s not so bright anymore. In fact...it’s quite broken and pale.
It’s like the old man sitting at his dinner table every night alone because....well.....he is alone. The only love he ever knew has left him for a better place. Now there he sits, holding his memories in the palm of his hand because he’s taken his heart and gave it away to whatever beings are the creators. Only they won’t take it yet as he is not done mourning the love that once was.
Now love is like the darkest corner of the earth. Yet this heart of mine is scorched from betrayal and cut from the angry and cold from the pain. Tonight I wish to sleep and tomorrow not awake for broken and bound we are and forever we will be.

Always burning silence when your rage visibly surfaces.  Eggshells to walk upon to ensure the target flees.  There was a liquid fuel you drank to flame the pit of physical pain.  No words could succumb the alcoholic demon residing within.  No embrace,  no soft kiss not even apologetic sonnets for your past childhood blame.  

Though the fault was not my own,  I accepted it as mine.  My strength was not that of cement yet like cotton to break my falls.  My bones were shattered,  my cheeks still burns but my womb lay untouched, for the life within me gave reason to survive.  

I bore the notion of life,  a new conception,  one that gave freedom.  The one I live now.  The shackles I once embraced now rusted,  for the only jewels I now bare are little arms and sweet sweet voices filled with love.

This sunken vast hole is where once the blood flowed. These lines of black once shown blue, where the life inside once flowed trough.

An empty gaze straight to space, is once where my dreams led, sleep.....take me back to that place. Reaching out to touch, to feel, to seek affection....pushed away and knocked down by receiving rejection.

There is no escaping the darkness, there is no escaping this hell. Yet, in the midst of all this pain, in the fire, horrid ache for death I feel, my wish is you be well.

I roam in a body, one with no soul. I wander in limbo, for this host I dwell is a lifeless innuendo, a facade of what one may portray as blithe.

Deeper and deeper I fall, for shall I rise not. I am impervious to your ways. I have faltered in your gaze, completely lost. Never to be found within the labrynth of your heart.

Rotting are my insides, the damage has been done. I wither into shreds while watching you, waiting for you. My eternity a lonely dark lifeless room where you left me. Your past has kept me as my home. As I lay dying...you finally run realizing the torture you've made me suffer, only it is far too late, for this chamber of hurt could not be undone.

Now it's your turn to burn.

Jenn

These times I rack my brain my mind just goes insane. This pain is just to real, it’s more than anyone should ever feel. Do
You remember the way I made you feel? I remember everything. Like the first blossom of the first rose I ever gave you. I remember the very scent of your skin under my nostrils. I remember the pattern in which you breathe, as if it were my breaths you were literally taking, because you did. You took my breath completely away and I haven’t quite got it all back. If reason we’re a person, you’d be him. As my reason for thinking, my reason for pain and my reason for waking while I’m dying inside is you. If Love were a religion it would be me. As I religiously loved and vigorously wanted every being that was made of you to be mine. This passion is my crime. This broken heart I live in is my cell. Captivated by a world I thought we created, only it’s on fire and slowly crumbling.

As she stood there holding her heart in her hand... There was the biggest crack in her very world as she knew it. It was the loudest sound she'd ever heard, like thunder magnified by 10...it was then she knew, another small piece of her  just died.