This is a mess
I must confess
I am depressed
It's because I've been so stressed
I haven't been able to get any rest
But I still think that this is best
There is still a part of me that loves you; it's true
But a bigger part of me that is so miserable with you
So even though love is still in the equation
Misery has over-powered that with its invasion
At this point I think it's best to break apart
Each of us try and make a new start
It's just best for us to separate
It should've worked by now but it just wasn't our fate
So now it's time to say goodbye
I am sure there will be times when I break down and cry
I'll worry about you and hope that you will be okay
And of course I'll include you at night when I pray.

Standing here in your spot
Who would ever have thought
That you'd be forever gone...It's so wrong
My heart cries a sad, sad song.
I miss you so
I hope you know
You meant so much
My heart you did touch
It's not the same without you here
Wishing so desperately that you were near
When will it get easier I don't know...
Sometimes the tears still flow
Too many regrets, too many things left unsaid
"What if this", "What if that" swirling thru my head.
Gone but not forgotten, forever in my heart
You always were... right from the start

Remembering You~ young & beautiful / happy & strong

You shouldn't be gone already, this is so wrong

Remembering you~ your smile, your laughter, all the fun we had

Now you are gone & it's just so sad

Remembering you~ so vibrant & so full of life

Remembering you sometimes cuts like a knife

Remembering your signature gorgeous long blonde hair

You should be here enjoying life, this is so unfair

Remembering you day after day, here & there every now & then

Familiar laughter, a smile, shared memories with a friend

You are not forgotten, there are reminders of you everywhere

Each time I see them, I think of you, I miss you, & I think of how this isn't fair

Remembering you & how very hard you fought

Remembering you and just really, really missing you a lot.

Listen here boy
My heart is not a toy!
Treat it with care
Treat me like a lady fair
Treat me with respect
That is what I expect
Treat me like a lady should be treated
Or else things are gonna get heated
I want to be wined & dined at least once a week
If you can't bring it, we don't need to speak
Treat me like a lady should be treated
Or else you just need to be seated
If you don't plan to treat me like your queen, sit this one out
Cuz you won't be right for me, there is no doubt
Oh, and I ain't no holla back girl by the way
So you best make me a priority or just go away

Will you cry?
Will even one tear fall from your eye?
Will you think of me day after day?
Thinking on things you wish you did, or didn't say?
Will I be included in those for whom you pray?
Will you dream of me while you sleep at night?
Wishing you could see me with all of your might?
Will you miss me even more as you wake with the morning light?
Wishing so desperately to have me within your sight?
Will you continue to miss me forever?
Awaiting the time when we will be reunited and can be together?

Dying inside

Feelings I just cannot hide

Words whispered to me in secret burned into my soul

These words haunt me now, keep me from feeling whole

The seed of doubt has been sown

In my mind a garden of doubt, hurt, fear & insecurity has grown

My heart is filled with so much love, hope & dreams for you

Not sure how to get my heart & mind on the same page & merge the two

Seems as if my mind is breaking my heart

Those poisonous words whispered tearing me apart

Killing me from the inside out

I wish there were a way to exterminate this doubt....

I was once loved; I was once cherished
I was a wonderful feeling that has since perished
I don't know what has changed
To cause love and I to be estranged
Somehow I must have veered onto the wrong path
Along the way I must have incurred Cupids wrath
Yet I am still the same girl I used to be
Except with a little more maturity
I still have a caring heart, big and true
For friends and family, there isn't a thing I wouldn't do
Helping others gives me such a joyous feeling
To my battered heart and soul, it is so healing
Good person or not, true love just isn't in the stars for me
But that is fine, I still have my friends and family
Never knowing true love is something I have to accept
For with man-woman relationships, I am simply inept.

"Desperate times call for desperate measures"
They say as they seek out life's simple pleasures
Not elaborate things, riches, or gold
Just enough money for food & rent is what they stole
Life & times are hard these days
And for that, the younger generation pays
Some can't find honest work, so they steal
Hoping to provide their family with at least one meal
If only someone could give them a break
They wouldn't be so desperate & have to take
They aren't out to hurt anyone
They aren't doing it for fun
It's done out of sheer desperation
Poverty, homelessness, & starvation are realities in our nation
This is a reality we just cannot ignore
For their leniency I do implore
For theirs & their families sake
Please don't make them pay 30 years for a mistake
A mistake caused by suffering, struggling, & strife
A mistake caused by the desperation of life

How do I say goodbye to someone who meant so much?
How do I let you go?
Please tell me - I need to know...
You were taken away far too soon. Why did you have to go?
Please tell me - I need to know.
Please tell me because I miss you so.

Feelings awakened that had lay dormant for years
With them vulnerability surfaces & brings several fears
Special & adored is how you make me feel
Yet insecurities question whether or not it's for real
I want to believe everything you say is true
Looking into your eyes, I am completely drawn to you
I'm not sure where it comes from, this intense connection
I just can't explain these strong feelings of affection
My heart knows no boundaries, it does not restrain
No matter what doubts my mind may have, these feelings remain.

In your arms is where I long to be
Safe and content, I can just be me
I no longer have to be strong and in control
For just a little while I can step out of that role
In your arms all my worries fade away
In your arms I wish I could stay.

Why are they talking about me behind my back?
The boys talking about hooking up, maybe getting me in the sack
The girls tell lies about me, they are on the attack
Picking me apart, trying to find areas where I may lack
Here I thought the school games had ended
I thought I was amongst grown-ups, I realize not, & I am offended
Their childish gossiping shows their immaturity
Not only that, it also shows their insecurity
If I were the immature type,
I might get all caught up in this hype
But I am not, and to their level I will not fall
Confident of my strengths, I will continue to stand tall
They can say whatever they wish, it will not hurt me at all

In my heart you will always be
Forever, right here with me
Truly an angel- inside and out
I will miss you forever- there is no doubt
I close my eyes & think of happier days
Holding hands, hugs, laughter
Your beautiful smile bright as sunshine rays
These are the moments and memories I hold dear to my heart
So you see my friend, we will never be far apart
I will think of you always, I will miss you forever
Until the day I see you again and we will be together

Irrational heart, falling so fast
Hasn't learned anything from the past
Kind words are spoken & I'm taken in
"Wow~ what an amazing guy... wait, how long's it been?"
There's definitely a connection there
But still I must beware
Not a time for too much courage, but for caution instead
Can't let those sweet words get to my head

Day & night, Stolen words exchanged
Stolen meetings arranged
Stolen glances of your handsome face
Stolen moments in your embrace
Stolen kisses
Stolen wishes
Stolen touch
Stolen love as you mean so much
You've stolen my heart
*(Please don't ever tear it apart)

I thought of you not only as family, but as a friend and sort of an ally....

Thought you were another sensitive soul in this cold world in which we live...

Yet you stabbed me in the back because it suited you in that moment...

Blood stained hands, your face showed no remorse, shame, or any care....

There was no emotion what-so-ever for that matter....

Immediately, you were cast out of my life

Betcha didn't know that sweet & sensitive me could be so cold & hard did ya?

Well, I have people like you to thank for that little cancer festering inside of me....

Betcha thought I'd act like nothing had ever happened....

Wrong again! It felt good to tell you that I knew what you had done.....

It felt good to tell you I wasn't the two-faced or fake type and I had no intentions of pretending to be friends, you did that long enough for the both of us and it was over.........

With that, you were gone as if you never even existed to begin with & I was over it....

Here we are several months later & I briefly think of reaching out to you....

Nope, because I remind myself you never were the person I thought you were... You are not the caring person I loved.... That person never existed and again, I am over it......

You are the moon & the night
I am the sun & the light
We were never meant to be ~ let go of me
You are the bitter cold winter breeze
I am the warm summer wind blowing in the trees
We were never meant to be ~ let go of me
You are the dry desert plains
I am the lush Amazon forest where it often rains
We were never meant to be ~ let go of me
You speak in lies
I speak in honesty & require the same or my heart dies
We were never meant to be ~ let go of me

They say she is a pretty girl; she's got everything going for her
But her life has been a painful blur
A mother who was always addicted
As brothers do, pain was what hers constantly inflicted
Her stepfather tried to provide her a better life
Away from drug & alcohol dependant family & all that strife
But no one is perfect & even he made damaging mistakes
Punishing her for nighttime accidents caused her deep heartaches
These things caused her to have low self-esteem
Not just a little bit, but to the extreme
When anyone complimented her on her beauty
She thought her mom paid them to, feeling it was her duty
Her brother beat her up quite often
Which caused her inner strength to soften
Sometimes her brother would "take" her friends away
Leaving her all alone to play
All of these things further battered her mentality
Constant fear of not being good enough tarnished her personality
Looking for love, she went from one bad relationship to another
But she really needed to find it within herself & look no further

Why am I always so conflicted?
What is this problem with which I am afflicted?
Always so torn up inside...
Can't ever make a straight decision... I just can't decide.
Am I happy or am I sad?
Am I a good girl or bad?
I want to go- but afraid of what the future may hold.
What will happen when my cards unfold?
Fear of what may be
Just will not allow me to be free.

The burden I carry, too heavy to bear...
The pain I endure, what do u care....
My heart is covered in scars.....

Love given & given but never returned
Forgiveness was also given but each time I got burned
My heart is covered in scars......

Dreams stolen away
Toughen up & face each new day
My heart is covered in scars.....

Dear Lord, will you be there when I pass?
Even though I wasn't always there at mass?
Will you still take my hand?
Will you still lead me into the promised land?
Dear Lord, I know I didn't always do everything right...
But I tried to be good, with all of my might.
Will you still forgive me as the bible does state?
Or am I in for a different fate?

Hello... Are you there? Are you listening?
Can't you hear me? I have changed.
I am a much better person now. Can't you see?
I am standing here bearing my soul for all to see.
Why are you looking right thru me?
I am screaming out, but no one can hear.
Wait... "Am I dead?" ~ I fear...
Why isn't anyone looking? What is going on?
Maybe I am dreaming and will wake with the dawn...
Maybe no one wants to see, maybe they just don't care.
Why? I've worked so hard. This just isn't fair.
No, I am not perfect. I still have a long way to go.
But don't I deserve some recognition?
Please don't tell me no.
Open your eyes. Listen to me please!
Look at me ******! Look and see.
A new, stronger & better version of the old me.
I am standing here bearing my soul.
That's okay, you don't have to notice.
I am still not going to stop because I am on a roll.

Cut me open, look inside
You'll see all the pain that I hide
I hide it so well
Just looking at me, you'd never be able to tell
Inside I'm crying
Inside I'm dying
My eyes, the windows to my soul
May show a glimmer of the pain as it takes it's toll
But inside I hold it, buried so deep
My pain, my secret to keep

She plays so sweet & nice until she has your trust

She waits to show her true colors until her way your money you ******

Borrowed but never returned

You've just been added to the list of people that she has burned....

I personally knew the history & the pattern but I did it for the children

Thinking how unfair that for themselves they are unable to fend

I walked away a with a few thousand lessons learned

I walk away one of those that she has burned

That's just money, no big deal

It comes, it goes, sometimes it's there for others to steal

My hope is that those that I love aren't burned to a deeper degree

I hope they will open their eyes to her character and SEE

See before it is too late

See before pain & heartache is their fate.......

Tears for the innocent children fall
As they are left to die in hot cars at the mall
How could a parent ever "forget" their child?
The toughest charges possible should be filed
They should be sentenced to the same fate as well
Then surely ****** forever in hell
Doomed to an eternity of suffering and pain
For the innocent children they have slain
What kind of world do we live in
Where anyone could commit such an atrocious sin?
I cry for those innocent children
When in the world will this cruel abuse end?

If I have been shot and my life is thru
Someone needs to test his hands for residue
Because I did not do it, I tell you true
This is definitely something I did not do
If I die of some mysterious illness
Understand that there may be something amiss
So check my body for poison and potion
For this is something he could have put in motion
If I die from a hanging
Know that I left this world kicking, screaming and banging
Because I did not want this, I tell you true
This is definitely something I did not want to do
What I am saying is that I do not want to die
Please listen to my cry
Please don't believe his evil lie
It's not from this world, only him from which I desire to fly
So as I lie in the ground
Don't just sit and cry, take a look around
There may evidence to be found

Just a boy with eyes so blue
You were so young how could this happen to you?
What in the world could have made you so sad?
What in the world could have hurt you so bad?
What in the world could have been so intense?
To me, it just doesn't make any sense.
You were only eighteen
There is so much of life you hadn't yet seen.
So much you never had the chance to do
So many that cared so much about you
You are deeply missed by so many people here
So many of us that enjoyed having you near
You were and always will be my dear friend
You may be gone but this is not the end.
Although we may be physically apart,
You are and always will be in my heart
Just a beautiful boy with eyes so blue
You were so young Why in the world did this happen to you?

Into the darkness I sometimes long to fall
To finally get away from it all
Longing for the sweet darkness to surround me
For stress/heartache/turmoil to let me be!
Oh sweet darkness take me away
Must I bear another day?
How serene it would be to let it all go
How serene to sleep forever down below
Close my eyes forever
All ties to stress and pain will sever
Oh sweet darkness take me, surround me
Oh sweet darkness, set me free.

I was shaking
My heart was racing
It was all so very familiar
"Nothing ever goes away until it teaches us what we need to know. - Pena Chosen"
I already knew this was right
But I lived it that night

Sweet little baby, mommy loves you so very much.

Our bond is too strong for anyone to dare touch.

Each little kick and movement you make inside me,

Makes me think of when we will be together and how happy we will be.

You have already made me so happy inside.

I know that when you are born I will be filled with so much pride.

My days seem to go by so slow as I wait for that special day.

When you will come and take all my loneliness away.

And now, at the end of the day, as I come into this room where you should be

I miss you..... Irrationally

I remind myself, it is not as if you were ever here, even when you were here

Alone I have been from day one anyway my dear....

So now that you are gone, there is nothing to get used to

and I have only one person to thank for that.... YOU