I thought..
You waited for me.
You looked for me.
You hope I was there.
You thought of me.
You care for me.
but I deny.

I deny everything I thought.
because thoughts are just thoughts.

I know you waited.
I know you looked for me.
I know you wish I was there.
I know you thought of me.
I know you care.

I already know
because you already proved it.

lemme break the hatred
of being one I hate
and hate of didn't be one
I am what I am yet

lemme build the hatred
of doing things I hate
and hate of didn't do things
here and there, it aches

Oh my, Im done
being bad, feeling awful
punishing myself all over my fall
cause I almost there
but never really there.

Oh my, Im desperate
to be good, to feel food
to stop feeling not 'good enough'
to know I ve done my best
and know its okay if i lose.

Oh my, all I want is
to smile to the sky
be nice and high
and be happy oh my.

too many thoughts and ego to write off
but when you met the blank page
you became blank too.

told you I was sick
I waited
but you didn't ask why.
.
since I don't share why
you claimed you re unimportant
unimportant enough to me
to share to you, why I got sick.
.
hey you,
I don't tell everyone
you re important
that's why I told you.
.
I don't know now.
do I don't care enough to share
or
you don't care enough to ask.

I should have butterflies flying below my chest
when you stared at my face and tell me its okay to have flaws,
but I was numb.
I should be proud and smile endlessly
when you said you'll come back on the weekend cuz I told you so
but I was numb.
I should be happy like a kid
when you said let's play our favourite games when you come back
but I was numb.
I should be having difficulties to breathe
when you asked me to sit beside you and watch videos together
but I was numb.
I should feel everything I should
when you are here and there
but I was numb.