The feeling is stuck in my throat.
My insides are dry and tasteless.
Tears want to well in the sockets of my eyes if I would let them.
My heart jumps into my head and a frenzy of feeling comes flashing through my mind like a splatter of blood dashed upon a windshield of a car going 90 mph.
Metalic tastes fill my mouth and I try to think about the taste, anything but thinking the thoughts in my head that want to shout at me. They tell me I did this to myself, if I had listened to them this wouldnt have happened to me in the way it had...that I would be in control and others would do as I say instead of always the other way around.


I look at the ground and see ants on the ground as I try to focus on other things, take the thoughts in my head and make them smaller and less than what they are.
Ants are funny things, I think to myself in that moment, rather small and not too bright.
Happy to do as their told and follow....like me.
This makes the thoughts more emboldened in my mind and they tear through like a sharp knife through  crisp clean white paper.
My eyes close and open as I try to listen to words from another.


I can hear the person in front of me speaking, not making eye contact is slightly more appealing than actually doing so.
I'm just listening...standing....being.
I feel dizzy, drunk. I notice my head hurts and theres a faint ring in my ears as I ask myself what I did to deserve this.
Was it really me? Did I do this to myself? If so why?
I dont realize it now but I will ask myself these things later without answering them.
Now, as always, my physical insides have their turn to answer the emotional changes that have happened over the last 10 seconds.
My stomach constricts, the metalic taste in my mouth that has been an almost a welcomed companion in these few horrible seconds has been replaced with the taste of my own bile as I feel the burning in my throat take over the other changes in my mind and my heart
.

The moment is now over, my body starts to recover from the beating my mind and heart have caused.
As I look at the ground..... the ants I noticed before, are in a line around the corner. They have started devouring a small yellow bird that had fallen a few feet away in the green grass and sunlight of the day.
Is it really worth it?