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Jun 2013 · 1.9k
and most important of all
If I were to die tonight

or tomorrow

or in the next 3 seconds…







I would want you by my side,

because there’s so much I would want to say

and so many ways to guide

about the world

and love

and about dreams that you should unfurl

wisdom, to dare to do things you never have

strength, so through everything, you remember to laugh,

hope, as the unfolding map

and love, to guide your every path

its a neverending list

a stockade

a wish,

of things I hope you know

of ways you can always grow

but if I had to choose

with my final breathe I’d say:

live your life

you’ve got everything to lose

everything to gain

and everything to choose.

So don’t waste your time

and make sure to let loose

and most important of all

sometimes I don’t wash my hands after pooping
anxious is the man
countless years ago
he followed doubt and pain
but never let it show

first to catch the eyes
blonde and unrefined
her short and shuffled feet
walk in time with mine

nights and days compress
cars become a wish
each night they turned the keys
the world was on their list

compiled inside a gate
her secrets lied in flame
breaking down the walls
would fuel the fire untamed

whitened in the snow
shoulder made a tool
she told him her regrets
that night beside school

time, a heartless fool
danced inside their eyes
trickled down their cheeks
in to a sad demise

flashing screens of red
warning soon to come
listen to it close
beat it like a drum

round and round it goes
cycles start again
wheels begin to spin
relax and count to ten

hallowed be thy name
unrequited love
worshiped like a god
mistaken for a dove

dyed a crimson red
letters sent with hope
return this back to sender
with a complementary rope

time returned again
this time he brought a friend
distance bared a shovel
knowing it would end

fit it in all in words
fluff it up real nice
rip to shreds her heart
turning his to ice

see her face again
hear her say his name
hammer to his heart
melt it all with shame

now anxious is the man
countless years ago
he followed doubt and pain
never to let go
Jun 2013 · 620
choices
one second
can change your life
what do I say?
one second*
it's seems like such a small thing
but it can have such a profound consequence
one second
could decide my fate
which path do i take?
one second
but remember the regrets you've made!
learn from your mistakes
one second  
think of the future
5 years, 10 years, 20
one second
heart throbbing, chest pumping
i can't concentrate!
one second
do I want this, what do I want?
how do i know?
one second
it feels like a year
but the clock hasn't moved
one second

wait

one second

please just give me

one

more

second


please

don't go
Jun 2013 · 349
in 10 years
i know you would probably be better off with him
maybe it would be better off that way
i probably won't stop loving you though
i can imagine it
it would be like something from an indie movie
i would be with someone (maybe i would be alone)
you would be with him
couldn't tell we've both grown
we both look the same
you did something different with your hair
it's the first time you've done anything more than just style it differently
you've always been scared to change it
i would be the same
i've gained some weight
mostly in my gut (just like my dad)
but other than that
same style
same walk
same smile
we make eye contact
we both think the exact same thing

i see youre with him
a million things go through my head
i feel a sharp pain in my chest
i push the thoughts out

im happy for you
i truly am
we both give each other a faint smile
we both mean it
we both know
what we could have been
i've gotten over it
you've gotten over it
but there's no other way to explain it
we both just...
know
that i will never stop loving you
will you stop loving me?
i guess
it doesn't matter anymore
Jun 2013 · 373
silence
you make it beautiful
not what is already
not the perfect things
or at least the things that everyone thinks are perfect.
you said it was going to be hard
i just didn't expect it to be this hard
you said you would make broken things beautiful
well God
here I am
im about as broken as it gets
nothing is going right
im revisiting my regrets
when are you going to make it beautiful
when are you going to make me beautiful
beauty from the brokenness, right?
nothing is holding me back from hearing you now
give me direction
tell me what to do
for some reason
i don't hear you
i know you're all powerful
sovereign
and i know you care
but i don't feel very cared for
it's hard to feel anything but pain
when you're walking on shards of glass
that you made yourself
i broke down
shattered something i cherished
now it's on the floor and i'm forced to walk all over it
i don't know what to do

you've answered my prayers before
why do you remain silent now
why do you remain silent
He says hes been dreaming about being in Hell
He's been crying out to God through the look in his eyes
and the painful sighs under his breathe
He holds her the same
Kisses her the same
But she's just a shadow of her former self.
The sun shines, but only casts doubt.

He says hes been dreaming about older days
and claims hes okay
but he stumbles on his words
and slurs his every move,
trying to cover his breathe with jokes and laughter.
But no matter how much he laughs
He can't escape this hell,
more visible and real with every tick of the clock.
You never know when it's going to stop.
tick
tock
tick
tock

He says hes been dreaming about better times
when they held each others hands,
not their lives.
when she used to talk and laugh and walk
when she used to cry and dance and wave from afar
and welcome him with a warm embrace.
and they would whisper and thank the lord for each other's return.
Now he never leaves.
Never sleeps.
Only breathes, when she breathes
Counts every rise in her chest
and remembers when he knew her best.

He says he's been dreaming about being in hell
and I believe him.
I wrote this poem when my Auntie was in the hospital, dying of a disease that she has been battling for most of her life. I stayed the night at my uncle's house, and I was awoken several times in the night by blood curdling screams. I realized it was my uncle. I didn't get much sleep that night.
The next day I asked him what he was dreaming about.
He said he was dreaming that he was in Hell.
My auntie passed away that evening.
Jun 2013 · 289
A poem, written to my heart
Desperation rots in my stomach as knots toss and turn in war with every bone in my body.
There's no escaping the poisoned feeling that consumes every thought and movement,
seeping and lingering in each and every day.
Moments of calmness are all that's left as a sea of confusion crashes against the sand,
leaving me broken and battered like a ship tossed to land.
I look up and down and see no end to the shadow that engulfs my entirety,
caused by the light that falls over my past.
There's no turning back,
Only sideways and around.
leading me in the same direction I was before.
I am stuck in a maze built by my own insecurities and need for control
and now I'm left in the corners
the depth of my very own creation

I am broken.
This was the first poem I ever wrote.
I was going through extreme anxiety problems and I didn't know how to get all that I was feeling out. So I took and pen and paper and just... wrote.
This is what came out.
After this I never stopped writing.
Jun 2013 · 305
Poetry?
Poetry? Is that what we call it?
I've just been documenting my crimes
and sometimes it rhymes.
but usually doesn't.
Jun 2013 · 2.9k
Beauty in the brokenness
What does it mean to yield? How do I do it?

Do I have to stop,
or do I merge into what’s already flowing?

Do I just let God plant a seed in me and let it keep growing?

Or do I stop and see what’s coming, hoping I’ll make the right choice somehow?
What do I do God?
There’s so many things always pulling, I get lost and forget which way I was rowing.

But then I see your signs and remember that there’s something more worth yielding for.
Something more worth giving my life for.
I know the truths in me and I’ve found something worth fighting for.
Worth dying for.

but

I’ve never cried Lord, more than when I’m on the floor.
On my hands and knees begging you please to hear my pleas.
Because this world gets too heavy, and the burden doesn’t just hang on my back.

It slips in the cracks that have formed over time
because this broken soul tries to climb without a harness.
This broken soul tries to be someone he’s not.

Lies, steals, lusts,
but still gives it all he’s got.

This broken soul can’t carry the burdens of the world.

They’re too heavy to hold,
when the same hands and back back are trying to carry a sister who was addicted to crack, who’s marriage has fallen to pieces and she’s trying to stick them together and get it back
but she’s forgotten that you’re the thread that keeps it all together.

Without it, we’re dead.

This broken soul tries to hide the lust but whenever no one’s looking, he falls back into old habits and selfish desires that requires him to de-humanize women and see them only as things that bring him satisfaction.

There’s something so terribly wrong with that.

Something needs to change and fast.

And it’s this same mouth that lies and slanders because he wants people to like him and so he puts on another face in hopes to hide away the toxic black that builds up when he forgets to yield.

When I forget that there’s beauty in the brokenness.
When we finally come up and confess.
That we’re all a ****** broken mess.

and then we hope for more because we’re told to score.
but we never make the cut,
there’s few that do.
but when they’re through,
they’re broken too.

There’s beauty in the brokenness

Someone loves this broken mess.

We’re stuck safe in our heads,
at least, that’s what we think until it all caves in or someone breaks the code and walks right in.

Then we’re left lingering in a place we can’t escape, and we have to accept that it may
never
be
the same.

At some point we have to admit that we don’t have it all figured out, and listen to the cries of your heart.

Shout, let it out!

There’s beauty in the brokenness.

The one who loves that broken mess,
is the same one who can put it all back together.

He can make it better.
Heal the wounds that tear in rough weather.

He'll fix the locks,
reset the clocks
and turn back time to when your doors weren’t closed,
when do you suppose?
you’ll have enough strength,
enough courage
to last the length it takes to show that you have nothing?
it's takes everything
to show that you have nothing.

And realize that it’s when we show we’re broken,
share we share that token,
that we become everything he wants us to be.

When we finally yield,
slow down,
stop,
look around,
we’ll remember that we don’t actually need to go anywhere.
We don’t need to do anything.
Because no matter what you do,
where you go
or how many times you’ve fallen down
no matter how many times you’ve dirtied the gown

He loves these bruised

hurting,

damaged,

anxious,

depressed,

lustful,

brok­en messes

and nothing will change that.

No more, no less.

So, what does it mean to yield?
remember,
There's beauty in the brokenness.
We had lights inside our eyes.
mine were usually directed at your thighs
but that's beside the point
actually... no, no it's not.
you were...

still are.

one of the most beautiful girls i've ever met.
i don't have a single regret.
not one.
i cherished every moment with you
how could i not?

but now the moment's passed.
just like the sunsets,
it always goes too fast.
we had lights inside our eyes
now they've been swallowed up
but unlike the sunset,
they won't ever rise.
Jun 2013 · 1.5k
beautiful symphony
beautiful symphony
oh, so sweet.
your melodies caress me
from my soul to my feet

beautiful symphony
you rest in our heart
you flow through our veins
from the end to the start

beautiful symphony
oh, how bittersweet
just as quickly you began
no sooner, you retreat.

beautiful symphony
or as we call it, love
caresses our senses
then flies away like a dove

beautiful symphony
live in our memory
any feeble recording
could not, as beautiful, be.
Jun 2013 · 523
the world won
you know that song by Coldplay?
the one on the new album
Mylo Xyloto
(the album name doesn't mean anything,
you told me.)
the song was "Us against the world"
I was learning it.
I don't have a very good voice.
i mean, it's not terrible
but it's not great.
but I was doing it for you.
it went
"through chaos as it swirls,
it's us against the world."

i guess the chaos swirled,
and the world won.
Jun 2013 · 1.1k
well, i tried.
i guess i should write something that's not about you
i love
trees
ponds
skies
blondes
you were blonde
****.
Jun 2013 · 241
nice
i've never written a nice poem about you
that's not because you weren't nice
you were just never ready to hear
how you were my dearest vice
Jun 2013 · 887
i don't blame you
i've been flying too low to the ground,
but since when could i fly?
i've been grounded since birth.
my head may have been in the clouds sometimes,
but my heart always remained on earth.
but ever since you came around i've grown some wings.
made me think i could fly.
made me think i could finally reach my dreams.
but i never came close to the sky.
hah, what a joke
i thought you gave me a way to soar
but it was me who built them.
it was my lips that swore
to blissful ignorance,
and hopeful innocence.
and that crippled me.
took a knife, jabbed it in my eyes
so i couldn't see.
and i crashed and burned.
i don't blame you though, don't worry
someone so broken
and torched
from the inside out
can't possibly understand
the uncertainty
and the pain
that your doubts made me withstand
I know you never meant it
I know the last thing you wanted to do
was to hurt me,
because of you.
but that's what happened.
truly,
the only lie,
was that I could make it through.
I came too close to the ground
the wings finally gave in
Now the only thing i'm left wondering,
is where the hell my head has been.
Jun 2013 · 431
it won't be long, now
when your insecurities bubble up
you begin to crumble in
then we start to fizzle down
and we can never seem to win

but spring brings new life
that's what they say
but for us it brings distance
and we're not just far away

now I'm lost among your words
hoping mine will get me through
but they're a noose around my neck
tethered with my love for you

it's saving me from the fire
that's burning at my feet
but soon my own device
will be the cause of my defeat
Jun 2013 · 402
risks
I’ve gotten myself deep in this one, haven’t I

I jumped head first into a hole, hoping there was refreshing water at the bottom

and you there, calling me in

a warm oasis to congratulate our risk

only to find

a broken neck

that is to say,

my bones are cracked

my heart is raw

there’s nothing left

i'm flattened on the floor

and now i’ve become somewhat of an observer of my own demise

I say this because I was the cause

I was the reason this all happened

the trigger

the bullet

and the gun

and you were,

the target

the victim

the one

at least, I thought you were

who’s to say anymore

not I

I mean, the whole reason i’m in this hole

is because i’m guilty

the reason why I wait

is because i’m guilty

i took a shot

you took the fall

I came after you

risked it all

but i should have known after the first time because,

you got up again,

and you limped away,

now i’m laying here

wondering why I didn’t do the same
Jun 2013 · 274
leave a mark
Use this relationship, aim it at my heart

Take a shot, make sure to leave a mark.

That way I can see and never forget

that you always leave me on the verge of regret.
Jun 2013 · 306
what never will
no other poets can really explain what it was like

no they write about love and relationships where love was once won,

but love was never won

it never even left the starting line

its still sitting there, pondering what could have been

looking at snapshots

now

of what never will

— The End —