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I like his voice, his laugh, the bravery that he unintentionally coaxes out of me.
I like the shape of his mouth and the softness of his lips.

I like the way that he walks;
hands in his pockets and facing the floor.
I like the length of his eyelashes and the freckle on his ear
that I once mistook for a piercing.
He is beautiful, so beautiful.

But the words that tumble from him are twisted and cruel,
He is not soft and golden like the hairs on the back of his neck
that my fingertips know all too well.
The butterflies in my stomach are trapped bats
which tear up my insides when he smiles at me.

I crave his outsides, as he craves mine.
He filled a gap, and now it is time for him to leave.
Every girl deserves to be reminded of how beautiful they are.
Every girl deserves be told they are loved.
Every girl deserves to know that someone is always there for them.
Every girl deserves support.
Every girl deserves someone to talk to in the middle of the night.
Every girl deserves to know how amazing they are.
Every girl deserves someone that makes them happy.
Every girl deserves a shoulder to cry on.
Every girl deserves to be treated like a lady.
Every girl deserves to know how special they are.
Every girl deserves to have fun.
Every girl deserves to be happy.
Every girl deserves to be told that they are perfect.
Every girl deserves to be loved.

But sadly,
Not every girl has that.
Most girls sit alone in their rooms at night,
And cry.
Because no one is really there for them.
No one reminds them of their assets.
No one sees their beauty
People take advantage of them.
And when those girls look in the mirror,
All they see is their flaws and imperfections.
They look at themselves in the reflection,
And hate what they see.
They cry for what seems like forever.
Then wish that they were someone else.
Someone prettier,
Someone better,
Someone happier,
Someone skinnier,
Someone richer,
Someone with a better life than their own.

But they don't see their strengths.
And most of the time,
They never will.
Girls only see their ugliness,
And that's always what they will see.
Society has formed an image of women.
You have to look like models and celebrities,
Or else you're considered ugly.
You have to have a perfect body,
Or else you're considered fat.
But all a girl really needs is someone to tell them they are beautiful the way they are.
They may never actually believe it,
But at least they know that you think that,
And it makes them start to transform their vision of themselves,
Into what they actually are,
Which is a beautiful girl who is perfect in every single way.
My worst regret:
I forgot to tell you while your heart
was still kicking that 
I love you
I love you
the last time I saw you,
was march 23, 2008.
(happy birthday)
but you took your yellow bumblebee
coat, caked in ash and cigarette smoke
and you sat in your garage
loaded pistol in the back in case the asphyxiation
was not enough
let me tell you, the exhaust
was more than enough
it spread like wildfire
into my lungs.

13 years old
is a bit young
I blew out the candles
and you blew
out your brains.

I wonder what would have happened
if I told you that
I love you
instead of watching you go
I think we all wonder from time to time.
I miss you, ty.
I wasn't prepared for your
kind of love. It made my
hands burn and my teeth
throb and my chest could
never fill all the way with
your smell- like cigarettes
and toothpaste and old
spice- and sometimes I
think I can feel you but
I'm always
      always
      always wrong and it's
never you. And I think
maybe that's okay.
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