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Desperation rots in my stomach as knots toss and turn in war with every bone in my body.
There's no escaping the poisoned feeling that consumes every thought and movement,
seeping and lingering in each and every day.
Moments of calmness are all that's left as a sea of confusion crashes against the sand,
leaving me broken and battered like a ship tossed to land.
I look up and down and see no end to the shadow that engulfs my entirety,
caused by the light that falls over my past.
There's no turning back,
Only sideways and around.
leading me in the same direction I was before.
I am stuck in a maze built by my own insecurities and need for control
and now I'm left in the corners
the depth of my very own creation

I am broken.
This was the first poem I ever wrote.
I was going through extreme anxiety problems and I didn't know how to get all that I was feeling out. So I took and pen and paper and just... wrote.
This is what came out.
After this I never stopped writing.
Poetry? Is that what we call it?
I've just been documenting my crimes
and sometimes it rhymes.
but usually doesn't.
What does it mean to yield? How do I do it?

Do I have to stop,
or do I merge into what’s already flowing?

Do I just let God plant a seed in me and let it keep growing?

Or do I stop and see what’s coming, hoping I’ll make the right choice somehow?
What do I do God?
There’s so many things always pulling, I get lost and forget which way I was rowing.

But then I see your signs and remember that there’s something more worth yielding for.
Something more worth giving my life for.
I know the truths in me and I’ve found something worth fighting for.
Worth dying for.

but

I’ve never cried Lord, more than when I’m on the floor.
On my hands and knees begging you please to hear my pleas.
Because this world gets too heavy, and the burden doesn’t just hang on my back.

It slips in the cracks that have formed over time
because this broken soul tries to climb without a harness.
This broken soul tries to be someone he’s not.

Lies, steals, lusts,
but still gives it all he’s got.

This broken soul can’t carry the burdens of the world.

They’re too heavy to hold,
when the same hands and back back are trying to carry a sister who was addicted to crack, who’s marriage has fallen to pieces and she’s trying to stick them together and get it back
but she’s forgotten that you’re the thread that keeps it all together.

Without it, we’re dead.

This broken soul tries to hide the lust but whenever no one’s looking, he falls back into old habits and selfish desires that requires him to de-humanize women and see them only as things that bring him satisfaction.

There’s something so terribly wrong with that.

Something needs to change and fast.

And it’s this same mouth that lies and slanders because he wants people to like him and so he puts on another face in hopes to hide away the toxic black that builds up when he forgets to yield.

When I forget that there’s beauty in the brokenness.
When we finally come up and confess.
That we’re all a ****** broken mess.

and then we hope for more because we’re told to score.
but we never make the cut,
there’s few that do.
but when they’re through,
they’re broken too.

There’s beauty in the brokenness

Someone loves this broken mess.

We’re stuck safe in our heads,
at least, that’s what we think until it all caves in or someone breaks the code and walks right in.

Then we’re left lingering in a place we can’t escape, and we have to accept that it may
never
be
the same.

At some point we have to admit that we don’t have it all figured out, and listen to the cries of your heart.

Shout, let it out!

There’s beauty in the brokenness.

The one who loves that broken mess,
is the same one who can put it all back together.

He can make it better.
Heal the wounds that tear in rough weather.

He'll fix the locks,
reset the clocks
and turn back time to when your doors weren’t closed,
when do you suppose?
you’ll have enough strength,
enough courage
to last the length it takes to show that you have nothing?
it's takes everything
to show that you have nothing.

And realize that it’s when we show we’re broken,
share we share that token,
that we become everything he wants us to be.

When we finally yield,
slow down,
stop,
look around,
we’ll remember that we don’t actually need to go anywhere.
We don’t need to do anything.
Because no matter what you do,
where you go
or how many times you’ve fallen down
no matter how many times you’ve dirtied the gown

He loves these bruised

hurting,

damaged,

anxious,

depressed,

lustful,

brok­en messes

and nothing will change that.

No more, no less.

So, what does it mean to yield?
remember,
There's beauty in the brokenness.
We had lights inside our eyes.
mine were usually directed at your thighs
but that's beside the point
actually... no, no it's not.
you were...

still are.

one of the most beautiful girls i've ever met.
i don't have a single regret.
not one.
i cherished every moment with you
how could i not?

but now the moment's passed.
just like the sunsets,
it always goes too fast.
we had lights inside our eyes
now they've been swallowed up
but unlike the sunset,
they won't ever rise.
beautiful symphony
oh, so sweet.
your melodies caress me
from my soul to my feet

beautiful symphony
you rest in our heart
you flow through our veins
from the end to the start

beautiful symphony
oh, how bittersweet
just as quickly you began
no sooner, you retreat.

beautiful symphony
or as we call it, love
caresses our senses
then flies away like a dove

beautiful symphony
live in our memory
any feeble recording
could not, as beautiful, be.
you know that song by Coldplay?
the one on the new album
Mylo Xyloto
(the album name doesn't mean anything,
you told me.)
the song was "Us against the world"
I was learning it.
I don't have a very good voice.
i mean, it's not terrible
but it's not great.
but I was doing it for you.
it went
"through chaos as it swirls,
it's us against the world."

i guess the chaos swirled,
and the world won.
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