I sit, head down, eyes down,
Trying unsuccessfully to block out the world.
The insults slowly chipping away at the small amount of self-confidence I have.
The physical aggression creating new bruises over ones that have not yet healed.
I walk, eyes to the ground, book clutched tightly to my chest, trying not to weep.
What did I do to deserve this?
Don't hit me, don't shove me, don't touch me!
See what you've done to me!
I go into the bathroom, pull out my knife,
Time to numb myself to this painful life.
I draw the blade across my skin and watch the sweet, merciful crimson flow.
A smile spreads across my face, this is the world I choose to embrace.
A creaking sound..the door is opening!
Frantically I hide my key to bliss, so frantically I forget to hide my wrist.
I hear a scream and see them there
With their flawless skin and bleach-blonde hair.
Matching looks of horror on their perfect faces,
They've seen the blood.
One runs out, the others stay,
Making sure I don't run away.
The teachers come running as I stand in the middle of the room.
The blood is flowing slowly now
And now..they can all see what their tormenting has done to me.

When you came into my life I was broken and scared
I didn't want to let you in in case you weren't always there.
But in time you slipped your way in
And stole my heart in the end.

Is this what love feels like?
My heart pounds as we stroll around town in the moonlight.

Now the only thing in my mind is you
Slowly you're owning all of me and in truth
I love it
My wishes, your desires just...fit.

The love I feel for you is so sweet
And grows stronger every time we meet.

A gentle caress of your lips on mine,
A single moment that seems to hang in time,
The soothing sound of your voice washes over me
I know, right here right now, is where I always want to be.

Tell me you'll never leave and please be true
Because I'm dangerously in love with you.

I don't want to breathe
every bit of oxygen I take in just prolongs the end of my miserable life.
I don't want to feel..
because my heart is breaking and it's PAINFUL.
I don't want to cry,
this is my last goodbye.

I know when you hear you'll get teary eyed
and maybe I'm sick because I want you to
or maybe I'm just desperate because I just want you to feel SOMETHING for me.
Then we'll go our separate ways
your body will move away while mine stays
in it's casket, six feet under.
I can finally sleep.

Clutched in your hand was my final note
tear-stained for I was crying as I wrote.
"My dear, I love you with all my heart
I always told you I'd never depart
as long as I lived I'd be yours
but now I can move on,

"But before I did I needed to be sure
you'd never forget the girl who walked out the door.
Maybe I'm sick but it's cause I love you.
Farewell
Yours no more...
-Jazzy"

I don't usually write of love
but you're my exception.
Because of you I have a brand new perception on life.
Before you the only thing that brought me joy was my knife.
Baby, you are my Light.
You're the reason I smile.
We argue every once in a while
but, love, I know we can work past it.
I'll always love you, I hope you know what I say is true.
It's always been you.
My heart is yours
and yours it shall remain until the end of time.
I don't usually write of love
But you'll always be the exception.

I lay on my bed with waves of depression drowning me slowly.
My eyes close as tears seep out.
"How could it have ended this way..?"
--
Passion and love make my heart swell,
I think he's feeling it as well.
Our kisses grow hungry and greedy
now my body is needy.
We are bared to each other,
there's no need for another.
Our bodies twine together
we are connected now.
Giving everything we have to each other...
I look into his eyes and see...love?
--
I awake from a dream of he and I,
he is the reason I cry...
A pain tears my heart apart.
"If only I knew he'd hurt me from the start..."
--
He lays next to me, slick with sweat, smiling.
My heart leaps and he coaxes a smile onto my features.
--
My body trembles, it's time.
I reach over and grab my razor,
the time is prime.
I'm going to bleed out these memories tonight.

As I sink into the cold, dark waters of depression
I just can't think of anything except your slow, torturous progression of pushing me away.
I can't stay with you like this forever,
I can't take this pattern of give and take,
Me giving all I can
you taking everything without thanks.
Pain flares in my heart and tears burn my eyes.
You knew I wasn't strong enough to take it,
I knew I wasn't strong enough to break it.
That fatal attraction that made me love you.
But now it's all I can do not to start on your set
of deep, bright red lines
set on my pale flesh
because in these numbing waters the only thing that gives me warmth now
is pain.

Darkness folds over me like a heavy sheet.
I cannot move, this is not something I can defeat.
I'll give in to my body's demands,
reaching for my razor with shaking hands.

I hold you with desperation
Embrace me with you evil sensation
Open the door but I see no light
Will I say no
Or will the blade drip blood tonight?

My body holds so many scars, I'm not really that tough
but surely this is enough?
Without mind my hand descends.
Will this be the night my story ends?
Save me!

Save me from the dark
Illuminate my light
By myself
I'm not strong enough to fight
Show me love to take the pain away
Because the way I am now
I can't make it another day.

My mind begins to sway my will
I throw my blade away and then go very still.
I can't believe the time has come
When this ****** deed has not been done.

She stood in the doorway looking at the girl in front of her.
A broken girl, life drained from her eyes.
Hands gripping tight onto a teddy bear,
mascara running down and scarring her perfect pale skin.
Perfect pink lips parted but not making a sound and yet...
letting free a scream of anguish.
Desperately crying out for help.
She stepped closer and so did the broken girl, their movements so perfectly synchronized.
"I hear you. I feel your pain." Said they simultaneously.
She reached out to touch the cheek of this girl, so similar and yet unrecognizable, and so too the girl reached for her cheek.
Her hand met glass in the place of warm skin.
Slowly she brought her hand to her cheek
and felt the warm wetness of her tears.
She then realized that poor, broken girl was a reflection of herself and softly whispered,
"This isn't how it was meant to be...I just wanted to be accepted. I never knew I'd be so unhappy being someone other than me."

A lonely little girl sits on the floor
back to the door
waiting for her parents to come home.
It has been three months since she last arrived
at the orphanage, she feels love deprived.
The other kids make fun of her,
she knows she doesn't belong here.
All she wants is to be wanted by someone
somewhere.

Years pass on and she's finally seventeen
still at the same home but living in between reality and her imaginary world.
That hole in her chest grew larger every year
but now she has someone to hold dear.
She's not alone anymore.
Oh, he's as sweet as can be
and she's thinking,
"He is the perfect one for me!"
All she has ever wanted was to be wanted.

He's broken her heart,
tore her world apart.
Pulled her back into reality.
She became so lonely.
Upon turning eighteen she had to leave
but she had nowhere to go.
It was a harsh winter
and the snowy ground became her grave.
The world told her she wasn't wanted
so she gave up and left.

I'm just trying to stay strong
Everything seems to be going wrong.
He doesn't come around here anymore
Ever since the day he walked right out of the door.
Now the nights grow longer
And I'm not getting any stronger.
Everything is dark
And I'm just waiting for that spark
To light up my world again
But I know, yes I know, it's never coming back to me.
My feelings show so plainly
All my pain on display.
I can't stay here anymore
Now it's my turn to walk out of the door
And into my empty infinity.

"Goodbye."

My heart explodes.
Clutching my chest in pain, I sink to my knees before you.
My lips part in a silent scream as you walk away.
NO PLEASE! I want to cry.
Darkness envelopes my being
tinged red with crimson tears.
I'm so weak.
You're out of my sight
and I'm trying to salvage the pieces of my heart.
I get cut with every piece I retrieve,
it's filled with your memory.
That night in the trees,
That evening downtown...
I want to beg you to turn around,
to come back to me.
I open my mouth to speak
and hear nothing but silence...

I have faced the days of danger
Even faced the gates of hell
So why is it so difficult
When I try and face myself

I can't even look in the mirror
Fearing what I may find
Will it be me,
Or the demons I harbor inside?

Is it my soul that cries out for justice
Or the inner depth that wants to be fed
It's hard to tell in this moment of silence
As the white noise screams inside of my head

What once was wrong is now right
And I'm losing the fight
For control of my own mind
Every day I'm changing into something I don't like.
I need to face myself and confront the monsters within,
I cannot ignore them,
To ignore them is to give in and let them win

Perhaps it's not myself that I'm afraid to face
But that which I was foolish enough to create
That part of me that I don't care to see
That part of me that I can't help but hate

My heart pounds loudly
I pray it won't give me away.
My breathing comes out in small pants,
adrenaline pumps in my veins.
This thing I do every Friday night,
lord, it gives me such a fright
but such a thrill.
My window creaks as I hop out into the night,
I look around to see if anyone else is in sight.
I walk away and glance around.
It just won't do if I'm found.
My secret sneaking is dangerous
for on these nights I meet my lover.

You were the abuser,
and I? The perfect victim.
My judgement was blinded by your words.
I could not see
what you were doing to me was wrong.
I blamed myself for what you did
(It wasn't my fault)
and what I felt I always hid.
(I want you to stop...)
You stripped me of my confidence.
You maimed my sense of pride.
Every time you tried to break me down
so that when I saw you frown
I would quiver, tremble in fear.
This went on for over a year.
(Too long...)
You harmed not my body but my mind
Until I wanted to leave my soul behind.
(You're killing me.)
You were the ruthless abuser,
and I? The helpless victim.
Answering to your every beck and call,
(Don't yell...)
Obeying your every whim.
(I'm being good..)
Not speaking a word of protest
Because to you that was a deadly sin.
[This isn't fair!]
So instead I hid the pain within
But when I let it out
You began to shout
Wielding your whip of words and
Hurting me so savagely
Because it seems
I was not allowed to have feelings.
So you tried to **** my soul, my personality.
[No!]
But I wouldn't let you win.
[I'm not taking this again!]
And now we have reached our end.
My wounds are healed but scars still linger.
(Goodbye)
You are no longer my abuser,
and I? I am free of your tyranny.

The world shatters in a million brilliant pieces.
His footsteps echo on the floor
but I can see his strong frame no more.
Blackness is the only thing visable
and I ***** blindly for the exit of this broken place.
My fingertips brush against a wall
my feet follow the path.
It's a circular world with no way out
I'm trapped!
My feet fumble awkwardly and I stumble and fall
and lay defeated on the ground.
Images of him
laughing,
smiling,
loving me, race through my mind like a waterfall
drowing me.
I begin to choke on bitter tears.
I can't breathe anymore.
The blackness is closing in.
Slowly my body bends and I give in.

Gasping and covered in sweat,
my body trembles, my heart beats frantically.
I'm surrounded in the darkness caused by light
but he didn't truly leave tonight.
It was just a dream...