I brought you your own words back
Gave you the imprints
Of your sentences you carelessly left
On the tip of my nails
My fingerprints with missing
The same day I went to find the outline of my hand
I've never been good at tracing and drawing anyways
How the word artist only reminds me to let go because
Painting only hang on to walls
The last nightmare
I remember being in a gallery
People were everywhere
And my heart was on display
While the sunlight was so desperately
Trying to feel in the empty spaces
On the wall of my empty house
So desperately wanting to fill full again .. Tired
Of everyone leaving
Their furniture behind
With the windows open wide
Door locked
key still under the mat
In case anyone remembered
To come home safe
Even if its where the heart breaks
Sometimes I get tired of the way my heartbreaks
How come you didn't take your shoes off at the door
I keep telling people their foot prints are not mine
Stop leaving them behind
I try to stop following them
But I don't worry to much
Cause they end at the sidewalk
And I never cross the street anyway

ground zero
i become aware of boundaries
i am a dog chasing cars
i sing your voicemail to sleep
there are no surgeon general warnings
to tell me that
the objects in the mirror
are more depressed than they appear
so how do i tell you
that there are parts of my life
that move slower
without you in them?
or that i look for you every day
in emails & unanswered calls
in the sunrises
i didn't choose to be awake to watch
that i sometimes still stare at doorways hoping you would walk through them
   *stage 1 you tell your new lover you've got a splinter and they pull the sound of your body falling asleep on mine out of your fingertip
   stage 2 your new lover says something at dinner that makes you choke so they call 911 & the paramedics do the hymleich not knowing you would ***** our promises all over the the restaurant
   stage 3 your new lover surprises you by cleaning the house & washes the shirt you kept next to the bed, not knowing it was the last thing you had that smelled like me
after
people always ask
what was loving her like?
after a really long silence
i just say
"it must be nice"
but i never say
it's watching paint dry
i never say
it's a window seat in hell
i don't tell anyone
about the dreams
where i am reading you
bedtime stories
each one is a different way you die
& every time i can never save you
dreams where what i think
are angels in my bedroom
are just homeless versions
of myself you never loved
i have dreams
where i pay someone to shoot me
just to see if you would cry
just to see
if you would cradle my body
i don't tell people
that loving you is like
playing piano
for someone who can't hear
that it's hitting repeat
on my favorite song
& forgetting the words
every time it starts over
that it's finding out
there's no milk after you already
poured yourself a bowl of cereal
it's getting locked in the dark
& being told to
look on the bright side
that loving you is like
being reminded of what it felt like
the first time
you accidentally let go
of a balloon as a child
it's drowning without the water
it's the feeling you get
when you start to dance
& the song ends

"Okay ."
Let's stay here then ,like in this bed
Even if the world doesn't know we exist
At least ... At least these covers do ..
You know your voice makes this easier , don't cry anymore you can't ..let these things get to you ,
I mean these things get to you and I break like flood gates seeing you broken ..

I hate for you to see me cry , my mom .. My mom she cried when my sisters dad died , but you should know if  anyone gives second chances its god  ,

The smell of smoke and the way my bones  ..
My bones act like burning branches or ..bridges
I tend to abandon places that remind me of myself and people
only call to ask where I've been at lately... we showed up late to church until we didn't show up anymore I've been looking for god ever since , and I do this thing where I hold my hands to tight together when I pray at night
I've been letting go , I promise ..
I don't even ask dad to call when he has a chance
...he still writes me letters
And after I read them I notice they're stained with his tears .. Or maybe min-"or maybe I'll be home soon "
"Why don't you ever write to me ? "
... Dad the same reason it gets hard to talk to god sometimes
  I promise you I won't forget you exist though , I'm sorry ..
For being selfish but I've learned to love people the way you did ,

Its funny you told me I sound a lot like mom now and I don't know if you heard her tears caught in the back of my throat ..dad I sound a lot like home

I've been showing up in empty seats reservated for two lately I've been looking for reasons to show up at my own dinner table as empty as the living room lately I've been trying to iron my shadow out of my sweatshirt in the morning I won't ever understand how some people can leave it wrinkled on their sleeve and let their heart hang its self with their ***** laundry see my heart has learn to sufficate even I wonder what its breath sounded like before it new plastic bags existed , I've been asking god , how many purple flowers grow in heaven and how they learned to live without oxygen , you know hope is a lot like air it gets hard for me to breath some nights sometimes I feel my lungs collapsing with all the prayers Ive been letting rest on my chest , like condolences left on graveyard tombstones I  wiped the dirt off of someone's name and finally thought of my own , I don't know why you thought I would forget yours if all I've been doing was finding ways to put it in all these poems hoping you wouldn't notice , the worst part is writing about you , I keep drowning myself in waterfalls you made for me cause they always look beautiful from a distance , I went looking for you inside of them and you weren't even there but the kind of artist you were rubbed off on me now everyone's wondering why my poems sound like sad love songs or letters written that start sounding like desperate phone calls after you get use to leaving voicemails even apologizes apologize for not sounding to sincere , I know your "sorrys" are just as bitter as my forgiveness and the taste of your name can't even stomach its self anymore ,