Happy Coming Out Day to everyone.
It's been only a big handful of months since my own coming out, but the months since have been the most gratifying months of my life. What I reflect on today is the turbulent course of crashing years on the lead up, and the extent to which I was lost, losing more and more by the day. The depression still wraps around me, every day, and it's a small difference that warps the world.
Rather than sinking with tunnel vision, that old, strange ill-will and self deprecation now strangles me with my eyes on the sky, knowing there's a way to the surface I've found--but I'm clawing out, even if slowly. Had I not resolved this particular internal issue of identity, I may have sank into the ocean floor, forehead first, and exploded in fearful doubt.
It's never easy, and if it is, it won't be forever--but it's never really about the forever. It's about the synchronicity that shows itself in between moments just to let you know you're riding right when you get so worried of crashing in the woods at night that you summon a self fulfilled prophecy. Crazy Talk is my nom de plume, but I hope you all know if you're falling again, still, or for the first time, I'll be there and probably falling, too--and I'd be so flattered if I could talk to you.
If your safety is threatened, then only you know the best thing to do--but once you're at the popping point, it's late to find the safety points, so be on guard, and when you've found a heart, arms, and ears then let it out.
Always your advocate,
Jaymi <3