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Jaymisun Kearney Dec 2013
She's there, suddenly noticed, woman from the dream
Above the dance floor, red hair fire falling down around a moonlight face
All others blur in the sea of bodies and burn on the sidelines of tunnel vision as the freckles of stars
Cerulean eyes vacuum the dark within a frame that illuminates and
I'm struck, suddenly pulling a name from ether

Julia,
I whisper*

Gunshot
rings, three drinks in
reach to the rib to feel dress wear for which metal was traded
Gunshot
bartender dead
one stray bullet punctured his head burst through the back and then popped

a fifth of Jameson.

Kick
Punch
Elbow
Motion slicing and justified
Neck
Snap
Disarm
Violent crash when pacified
Autonomy engage,
Bang, bang
Enrage
She
A

Knife

Gunshot
nine times in row
nine suited men dropped still in tow, two more take employees' door
Gunshot
following fast
upstair sprint with empty clip, K.O. with strong arm hefty throw

She leaves safe with escort
Up one more flight to the rooftop
This isn't the first time Julia's run away
This is the first time she's been chased by wanting legs
Who otherwise stood still on the platform watching a present face
Depart when maybe just maybe there was a chance in three words, sure

In three words

Violent crash in memory
Autonomy engage,
Retrace the pain
and follow
dream
A
l
i
g
h
t
Jaymisun Kearney Dec 2013
And now there's a gap where the last eight hours should hang
sitting in a hospital bed looking at my boss across the way
arms crossed, thumbing his mustache like cleaning a brush
He says, "Forgive us, but we had your mouth reconstructed"
"As well as your wounds healed. We didn't think you'd mind."
I say, "I don't mind. I don't like liquid diets, anyway."
Why does it
hurt
so
much?
No work for
me
for
now.
He tells me I'm dying and that I'm strung out too far!
Tells me I'm putting too much in to what turns to scar.
Take some time off he says and give myself a chance.
Forgotten for so long to grin and ask myself to dance.
So I say, so say
you, and I'll try
but I'm fine.

And now there's a plan unfolding without my direct discretion
I can feel strings somewhere above as they're pulled softly
I sleep on the train after dressing up doll-like at home
Makeup and suicide tools wrapped around my curves in laughing walls
A women in red locks is taunting me from inside her ward, so familiar
"I should never have let you go," I say as I'm approaching
"I could have found you out," I say but she laughs once more
And sets herself on fire
Nothing but ash before me just out of reach
The dust swirling
Motes of adolescence tickling my fingertips
Why does it
hurt
so
much?
Waking I can't
place
her
face.
Arrive at The Roxy. Beneath her neon sign I absorb
cold rain in a way that makes my spine quake.
And inside the lobby, through my boots, I feel the floor
erupting from the music just through the doors.
Why do I come here?
Knowing there's nothing.
I'm nothing.
Jaymisun Kearney Dec 2013
What will the news say about the girl
dark skinned and frail in your arms
removed from warmth in the dark of night
as means of debt collection?

Impact
Car wreck
Dim teeth
To dash
Retreat
Through pain
In rain
For her
protection

Steal back living, stolen property
mistakenly signed away
for the means of living, eternal
by backs reset to zero.

It's all right, honey, I'm here to save you

She'll turn white before the media
you've known since your acceptance
money hides the child in its green blades
pulled through kept grass hiding glass.

It's all right, honey, They'll keep you sleeping

Chopper
Blade cut
Touchdown
Escape
Brown face
Crying
Screaming
Breathless
Reaching
For his Blood
Jaymisun Kearney Dec 2013
killing
shadows once more steal from sleep
deathly fingers
of one troubled past's regrets
trigger
god of war holding intact
what life beyond
held for keeps, ending squandered
in ash
trailing from heel
lunar or solar matters
nothing to intrusive recall
nightmare's face joking in bedsheets, choking on sidewalks in day

filling
puddle shines back the muddled
brown face and blonde hair
of her troubled form, instead
of the
city's mirror lit windows
she stares at herself
reflecting decades younger
surreal
but she can feel
the ghost fires in water
kissing her neck from just behind
the past crawls down her spine as a shop sign explodes down the way

spilling
worry to Kaneda she
denies offer
to hide under umbrella
to feel
waste washing down from heaven
on them in rain
through quiet alleys hidden
inside
this sad patchwork
of city to a tower
where bodies and spirits collide
where who waits on the high floor senses her arrival in night

greeting
softly from her lips runs like
pills down the drain
Meijar, Miriam's keeper
of truths,
eats the manic idea
with glowing green approval
and gives her ***
in the same green atrium
on the
wet cement floor
before taking the one door
to the rooftop and beginning
the ritual calling of lost names, exploding in blossoms
sacri
****
to the
green moon she knowingly sets on the rise
pain
ting
the name
Julia across the sky
Chapter One
Jaymisun Kearney Dec 2013
no reign over the red vessel
beat beat beat
beet red locker of sacred funds
your name
your face
for both
under your warm hands freely runs
could you delve any deeper? yes.
intrusion from you deeply craved
i couldn't hide it in silence
if i so wanted as flaunted
now by my chest
with your face pressed
i give my secrets
in offer,
in offer,
in offer
your face beside mine on the bed
sweet sweet sweet
suite for the warming of your blood
your heart
your trust
for both
i offer protection from rust
can i be your faith keeper? yes.
deliver for you brand new days
after long moonlight in noon time
genuine giving is lifting
dark's dreary mist
with each next kiss
let sun raze,
let sun raze,
let sun raze
Jaymisun Kearney Dec 2013
manifesting destiny comes when i'm weakest
i'm weakest now, when my shade comes haunting me
tracers of past, near and far, grasp my heart, seal my chart
forever licking me
licking my neck
biting my flesh
whispering words selling failures in the stead
of who could whisper all accomplishments

here i am, open, seeping all my wounds for you
hurt through the cracks believing that the scars i wear just may reach you
here i am, open, singing the only words i have left

your shadow
my shadow sneaks in
all too close
hovering beside me
your shadow
my shadow knows all
that it needs
to do to destroy me
and it seduces

blessings rarely come and tell me i'm okay
in absence i have learned to rely on things
deep within my emotion but lacking from my bed
forever taunting me
licking my neck
biting my flesh
whispering words selling love to my loneliness
of that i know full well would disable me

here i am, open, seeping all my wounds for you
hurt through the cracks believing that the scars i wear just may reach you
here i am, open, singing the only words i have left

what the hell does love mean, anyway?
well, open your arms, i'll let you enter the void.
what the hell does our love mean, anyway?
open your reclusive arms, i'll let you fall in.

fall in to the extreme
logic fails where the soul has been
fall in to the extreme
i'm warm,
i'm warm,
i'm warm
Jaymisun Kearney Dec 2013
heaven above guide wheels gone reeling
send the strength to ward from grieving
for the forces without whose sweetly singing
calls toward the crash in the trash from the mess i bring
because once more i bore in the echoing
because i grow from lonely echoes
brimstone below fill veins with fire
send what strength ignores desire
that in change i enslave them with my choir
billowing so softly but brought to screams, deceiving
because once more i bore in the echoing
i barb my wounds and heart as i descend on scene
impacting, wings bound, and bleeding
scheming
to **** the evidence
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