Looking in the mirror she uncaps her marker
She leans forward a bit and begins to draw
Curving her hips into the frame of an hourglass
Pretty at last
Drawing long black hair, soft to the touch
It still isn't enough
She draws a bigger bottom
She's almost got it
She draws thinner legs, with a thigh gap
How about that?
She draws smaller arms, ones that don't jiggle
And a teeny tiny middle
The picture in the mirror is who she wants to be
But it isn't what she sees

She hits the mirror, with all her strength
She regrets it but its too late
Blood is spilling out of her hand
As she does it over and over again
Broken shards lying on her bedroom floor
She hits the mirror just once more
Once last time she gazes at her reflection
Please, pretty girl, see your perfection
Know that the picture you drew
Is not you
And if it was you would be the same
Love yourself, don't be so ashamed
You're beautiful

*Write that on your mirror

There was once a sheep and a dragon. The dragon loved the sheep very much, more than she loved herself, but the dragon could never express her love because she was afraid she might hurt the sheep. You see, sheep and dragons don't belong together. If the dragon were to breathe fire on the sheep's wool by accident the sheep would die. If the dragon accidentally stepped on her sheep, she would never see his handsome smiling face again, and what good would that be? So the dragon cried and cried.

Then there was the sheep. Sheep loved dragon too, but none of his sheep friends thought that he would be cool if he married a dragon. They would make fun of him, call him names and his parents would shun him. The sheep knew that the dragon could hurt him but he wasn't worried, he would wrap himself in something that wasn't flammable and he would be sure never to walk underneath the beautiful dragon. The problem was, the sheep couldn't figure out if he loved his family or Dragon more.  So he went to seek help from the wise Turtle.

Turtle lived very far from sheep, but sheep thought that the walk was worth it to find out what he should do. When he arrived at Turtle's house, he was invited in for tea and Oreos. After the small snack, Sheep got right to business and he told Turtle his predicament. Turtle laughed and shook his tiny, Turtle head. "My child," Turtle said "If you really loved Dragon, everyone else's thoughts wouldn't be important. Prove to her that she matters." Sheep shook his head. Turtle hadn't solved his problem at all! "You are NO help you crazy old turtle," yelled Sheep. And he stormed out.

A day or so later Dragon went to see wise old Turtle too. She told Turtle about how she felt about sheep. Again, the wise (and now crazy) Turtle laughed. He thought that young kids didn't understand true love. "Let go of your insecurities Dragon. Sheep loves you and he accepts everything about you, he loves the fire that you breathe, even though it can burn him sometimes and he loves your big feet even though they can stomp him sometimes." The Dragon went home thinking about what Turtle had told her.

A week later Sheep and Dragon went together to see Turtle. Sheep apologized for being so rude before and said that he thought about what Turtle said and realized that he was right. Sheep loved Dragon and that was all that mattered. Dragon blushed red, like the fire she breathed. Turtle turned toward Dragon and asked her what she had learned. Dragon said she learned that even though she may be insecure about some things, she shouldn't let that get in the way of being happy with someone that she loves. Turtle laughed for that last time in this story and said, "Love is a funny thing, sometimes we don't always see what is there" with that being said, Dragon and Sheep ran away to live happily ever after.

Watching cartoons on Saturday Morning.
Go outside to play when it's pouring.
Monsters under the bed, lava on the floor.
Monsters in the closet too! Don't open that door!
Quick! It's a race to see who gets the last swing!
Trying to accomplish everything before the microwave hits zero and dings.
Smiling, laughing, you never had to worry,
But you wanted to grow up in such a hurry,
Now that you're old you wish you were young.
You forgot what it's like to just have fun.
You're all grown up and your imagination is gone,
You're too old for games because you know right from wrong,
Too old for ice cream on a special night,
Too old for everything, that's what it feels like.
It all gets to the point where you just want to run,
Run from growing up because growing up isn't fun

She steps out of bed in the morning. Standing, stretching, rubbing half open eyes. She doesn't even so much as glance in the mirror as she walks softly across the cold, hardwood floor and into the bathroom to shower. She turns on the water and tests it to see if it's too cold or too hot. Jumping in she washes away the filth of sad dreams and her wandering mind. Stepping out she wraps herself in a warm fuzzy towel and shuffles quietly into her room, making sure she doesn't wake the rest of her house, she closes her door and turns on her music. As she stares in the mirror she turns up the volume on her iPod so that it's drowns out the sounds of her thoughts calling her ugly, pale and sickly. She sighs and begins to pile on the makeup. Fixing her face to perfection, pulling and magnifying every eyelash and covering every pimple. Once she is semi-satisfied with her product filled face she starts on her hair. Plowing thought tangled curls, straightening and curling, primping and poking and prodding until every piece of hair from root to tip is burned to a crisp. She smiles to her reflection, at least it's a little prettier than before, she thinks. Yet, she's still unsatisfied, she frowns again. She'd rather have her entire face covered and unseen. She moves on to her wardrobe, not liking anything in her closet she raids her mothers. Finding something suitable and baggy to cover her layers of fat (the whole 150 pounds of it), she looks in the mirror one more time. Unhappy with the finished product she checks her watch and realizes she doesn't have time to change. She trumps out the door to the big, bumpy, smelly, annoying bus and listens to the other kids have fun. When she gets to school she walks to the looming doors alone, then walks alone to her locker. In fact, she spends the entire day alone. Even though her school holds over 500 people at this very moment. After school she walks to the same bus she arrived in. Smelling and feeling the same as earlier in the day. She arrives home to an empty house and makes some ramen noodles and tea. Then she sits and does homework and watches TV until around midnight and goes into her room, brushes her teeth and goes to sleep. Just to wake up and do it all again tomorrow.

You've never said you love me
But I've always thought you did
They say you can tell if a boy is in love
By the look in his eyes
But what does it look like

Is it a sparkle when he shows you his favorite things
Or a warmth when he's staring at you
Is it a chilling feeling
As he gazes into your soul
Or is it nothing like that at all

I miss those old-fashioned barber shops
The ones where everyone was welcome
You could hear stories about people who made it to the top
Never just a place to get your haircut, but a place to have fun,
filled with conversation and good memories
I spent most of my childhood in one.
And through everything in my life that went terribly wrong
The barber shop was a place that made me feel strong
Surrounded by people who loved and who cared
A place where every ounce of happiness was shared
Places like these I love the most
But I haven't seen a shop in a while, They sort of dissappeared, Like ghosts

I have this perfect idea of a person in my head
Who loves the things I love
Who writes with me, draws with me, paints with me.
Someone with soft hair I can run my fingers through.
Who thinks it's cool I want a million tattoos,
Who doesn't mind doing illegal things
Like tagging, drinking and "burning trees"
Who doesn't care that sometimes I just don't have the energy to do my hair
And sometimes I like to walk around in my underwear,
Someone who knows I can't always be perfect
But still believes I am,
Who will tell me when I'm wrong but behind me they'll stand
Who will hold me when I cry
Wipe the tears from my eyes
Someone who will help me when I feel incomplete
Someone to take me farther than his bed sheets
Someone who loves carnivals, And can only Tolerate clowns
Who will be there through the ups and downs.
When I get angry they'll calm my mind
With a kiss and Love I don't have to search for to find.
I'm so afraid that when this person comes I won't notice
I'll be too busy chasing these other fools, I just know it.
He'll knock me right of my feet
And say something clever like "I know you've been waiting for me"
Then he'll go sweet
And make me weak in the knees
He'll apologize for being late
Then he'll fall in love with me

I have a message for the kid sitting in the back of the classroom
You know, the one with the bruises, ask him what's wrong he'll give you the dumbest excuses
"I fell down the stairs, and ran into the door"
But stairs and doors don't give black eyes and broken bones so what are you lying for?

I have a message for the prettiest girl in school
You know, The one hiding behind all that make-up and hairspray
Pretending she couldn't be having  a better day
Yet she's afraid to go back to her broken home
Because her step-dad hurts her mom and her brother won't leave her alone
School is her sanctuary
What you don't know can be scary.

I have a message for the boy on his skateboard
Sellings drugs and liquor to make a quick buck
Then he got caught for possession and now he's stuck
In that cell all by himself remembering what his friends said
"We're bros, forever" But they left him for dead.

I got a message for that wierd girl in the lunchroom
The one that eats alone,
She has no place to call home
She smells bad because she doesn't own a shower
Living in shelters, her life is out of her power
Because her parents messed up she has to hurt
But she wants to do better so she does her school work

I have a message for the boy blogging
Those cuts on his wrists are not cat scratches
They're more like past mistakes left on his arms in patches
He can't help how sad he always feels
But he refuses to be that kid "on pills"

I have a message for that girl with the strict parents
Wishing she could bring her girlfriend to meet the family
But she knows if she did they wouldn't be happy
Because being gay is a sin
And if you're gay you're not kin

****, what a world we live in.

I have a message for all the messed up kids
Who struggle in the daily lives they live.
You will be okay
Things will get better someday.
So put away that blade and pick up that paint brush
Don't end your life before you've felt the rush
Wait until you've had your first kiss
I promise you there will be so many moments of bliss
Put down that bottle of pills
You of all people deserve life's thrills
I know sometimes it's hard to catch the curveballs life throws your way,
Just get low and get ready to play

To the kids who feel lost and alone
I will be the one to welcome you home

Happy 4th everybody
It's too bad I couldn't see the beautiful blasts of light
That put that pretty glow in the night
I couldn't even see the sky
Past the tears in my eyes
Because I'm only here to spend time with my father
But he's at work and I don't want to be a bother
I think I'm just gonna go home
After today, I'll leave you alone.

Times like these I wish I could call my dad
To describe to him in detail all the problems I have
You know, hear him say everythings going to be okay,
reminding me that I should relax and have some good days,
But I honestly can't
It's not because he's tired or asleep,
It's just that, I stress him out when he talks to me.
I don't mean to, but he asks me how I'm doing and all the problems spill out
Sometimes I wish i could just shut my big mouth.
The last time we talked about troublesome things
He had an almost stroke and blamed it on me,
And out of all the people I've hurt,
It's my pops that haunts me the worst.
But even if I could just call him and say hello it'd be nice,
But he'd pick up and say, "Have you checked the time? It's the middle if the night!"
Then promise to call back first thing in the morning
And no call would come, but the tears would come pouring
Because I just want my dad, to hold me like when I was little
Keep me from becoming bitter
Protecting me and shooing away danger
But his little girl is past hurt, there's no way he can save her,
Not like he tries
Just seeing him brings tears to my eyes
Because I don't know how long he'll be gone again
Times like these I think I should call my dad while I'm laying in bed
But I'll just write this poem scream into My teddy bear instead.

I'm never sure if I have the right to upset with you.
Because society has sort of thrown clingyness into my face
By telling me I need to learn how to stay in my place
For example if you aren't replying as quickly as me
I guess I'm supposed to take the hint and leave
Just so I'm not known as that needy girl
Who isn't complete without you in her world
And if I happen to actually tell you what's wrong
You'll throw me excuses so I'll feel like you were in the right all along
I'm supposed to display this big show of confidence when ignored
Like I don't need you to have fun when in reality I'm bored
Right now I'm just stuck at this spot and I'm not sure what to do
Should I hide my anger or should I just tell you

Honest Cruelty**
I talked to this kid earlier today.
He was walking down the street and I asked him where he was going, he said to Blaine, me and this kid both live about 2 cities away from Blaine, so I asked him why he was going all the way there. He said his dad ****** him off, so he was going to see his mom.
Now, I've known this kid for at least 4 years and when we first met he told me his mom died in Columbia when he was yound and he moved to America with his step-dad around age 5. Today I found out that he was lying.
His father sold him for 3 grand when he was a baby. "My pops doesn't even want me" he said. His mom left him with his step-father for years, which led him to think she was dead when she just couldn't handle the pressures of a child. "My mom doesn't either" he said. "And this ******* that has me now is pretty much a stranger who always yells and fusses and doesn't want me either"
What do you say to something like that? I don't know.. But he looked so down and so I forced him to look at me and I said "Josh, I love you. And I want you." I know it's something he needed to hear and I meant every word. He lives a few doors down from me and I know he beeded something besides a basketball. So I gave him that. It was all I could think to give him.
I just hope I did the right thing.
And I pray to God he's okay.

I'm so hell bent on fixing him
When I haven't even fixed myself
Fixated on a boy who wants to get inside me
It hurts because he doesn't even seem to like me
He's pretty much my Novacaine
I mean the way he affects my brain
I'm all doped up on his ******* lies
Bet I couldn't get away from him even if I tried
But it's not like I've made an attempt
Some other girl owns his heart and I'm paying that ***** rent
At the same time it could be a hallucination
After all, he is my drug and I'm not to keen on imagination
He's gotta have a good enough reason
For why his feelings change with the seasons
Maybe I'm just driving myself crazy,
But as soon as we got close enough he left me and maybe,
That just means he's afraid and needs someone to save him
Or I'm making up ****** excuses so I can have a reason to crave him
Without feeling like a little kid running after someone like her dad
Someone who leaves me alone wondering and wanting what we had
The only peace I recieve is hiding beneath these tears and sheets
Because finding peace in a person just means it hurts more when they inevitably leave
But why do I care so much
I've always given too many *****
And a while back I promised myself I'd stop
Because I'm afraid of falling and life has too many unseen drops
Kind of like a rollercoaster but you can't see it when you get to the highest point
And on the way down you scream so loud you lose your voice
Then you don't know how or who to ask if you have the right to be ornary
Because he ignores you all day, then night comes and he's *****
Well ****, I guess since I live down the street
I'm supposed to come easy like a nicely cooked piece of meat
In a restaurant for guys like you
But rather than take me on a date you'd have me shoo
I mean I guess I could leave you alone and go away
But then I'd just think about you all day
And wonder why you haven't called or texted
When I know for **** sure you have your phone but everyone says don't stress it
I dont know man
I've fallen so hard it's a struggle to stand
I guess I just refuse to see him for who he really is
A sheltered cold-hearted killer of girls who happen to like him

You and I are like minnesota weather.
Well at least I am,
I'm the storm, that comes around 2 o'clock or so,
Screaming in agony,
Making things fall,
Pounding on the walls,
Because something I onced loved is now gone.
But you are the sun,
That shows up around 4 o'clock or so,
Warming the ground,
Drying my tears
Calming me.
But as soon as you leave
The feelings overwhelm me,
And with no sun to warm my heart
We're back to square one
Restart.

Sometimes your Sun doesn't even work,
And I still rain, even in your presence,
And I'm Lost
Lost in feeling, lost in the thunder and the lightning,
While you struggle to save me, I just run.
I believe I'm insane darling,
But you just happen to hold my sanity in the palm of your hand.

We sat on my step
For at least an hour,
talking about nothing.
Both of us were waiting for something.
Perhaps a kiss?
Promises to never say goodbye
But leave with just a kiss
Until next time.

I guess I'm that girl
The one you see sitting on your doorstep after work everyday
The one looking for you during every storm out of fear that you might be blown away
The girl that can't seem to get her mind away from you for more than a few moments
The one who holds you when you start to feel broken

You see, I'm THAT girl
The one who is searching for perfect in all the wrong places
The one who thinks love is when your gone but your thinking of her making silly faces
The one who thinks that just because you throw her a kiss every now and then your supposed to care
But for some reason, your never there
And I'm the girl who thinks thats fair

First comes work
Then family
Then basketball
Then rest
THEN me
And I'm still that girl
Who thinks maybe we can last past this summer
Hoping the kiss you gave means more and I wonder, if every day I'm just getting dumber and dumber

Because I am still THAT girl
Waiting for forever.

You have a new family
A new wife
New kids
A new house
A new car
A new job
Its like I'm at a party I wasn't invited to
Being stared at as if I'm foreign
Like I don't even belong
I feel like the odd one out
Like you dont even want me here
You keep making up excuses as to why you cant see me
Even though you promised you'd always be there
Well I'm right here Dad
Alone and crying
And needing you
To teach me about boys
And to help me grow up
To teach me what it means to fall in love
I'm right here Dad
And guess what
I need new shoes
But your New Kids do too
And they need them more than me
It's hard to call you
You're always working to keep the rent at your New Home
But I'M STILL HERE DAD
And I'm screaming that I need you now
This is the one promise you should actually keep
After all, I'm the only kid that still loves you.

Whats the difference between me and a celebrity?
Why is his signature worth more than mine?
Are we not a created equally?
Then why does he deserve a Shrine,
In a teenage girls bedroom.
As if his name is something worth screaming over,
Making all the girls swoon.
Did he get lucky from a four leaf clover?
Because in my eyes he is the same,
Just with more fake friends
That he doesnt even know by name,
Teaching kids they need to get big or its a dead end,
As if being famous is the only thing that matters
Destroying kids dreams, leaving hearts shattered.
So whats the big deal about being a celebrity?
If money replaces family
If public drunkeness is more important than sobriety,
If the only love I could ever recieve
Was someone looking at me through a television screen.

It's hard to think an anonymous person is more reliable than the one you care for.
An anonymous source, someone to spill your secrets to,
They can't judge because they're here for the same reasons as you.
And yes it's a hard thing to admit,
But the best poems come from the times you feel like ****.
And sometimes that anonymous source is all you got,
Willing to listen to every twisted, ****** up thought.
When the real person's not...
When the real ones gone
So anon is the only thing that keeps you strong
And some might say the fact he's anonymous is creepy.
But I say, all the more reason to express yourself freely.
There is no emotional tie to him
Just the thoughts he allows you to spill onto him.
No pressure because his sole purpose is to listen.
And he's always around
Ready to lift you up when your feeling down
With simple words like "Your writing is neat"
Or saying he thinks your sweet.
there isnt anything wrong with being anonymous,
As long as you don't look too far into it.

Simon Says
Do not treat your yourself as an object
But do not object when others treat you as one

Simon Says
Do not hurt yourself
But do not react when someone else does

Simon Says
Do not listen to those who say you cannot
But do not show them you can

Simon Says
Be yourself
But only under the cover of being alone

Simon Says
Hold your ground
But bow down when those above you walk by

Simon Says
Your Morals are important
Unless they contradict mine

So remain original
But fit in with the crowd

Society Says

We each take a hit
1, 2, 3,
Breathe.
How do you feel?
Lifted
Faded
Gone
High
Better...
Better?
Yeah, better.
Another hit
3, 2, 1,
Breathe
How do you feel?
Higher
Smile
Nothing to worry about.
Giggle
At the smallest things
Life feels like a dream
Tingles
Across my legs
Sweet tastes in my mouth
Heightened sense
One more hit
1, 2, 3
Choke
How do you feel?
Sick
Depressed
Angry
Sad
How do I look?
Dead

Let me buy you everything you need
Then let me buy you what you want
Then let me buy you what's left on the shelves
Because I love you
So I'm gonna buy you the world

I'm sorry I'm always gone
Let me buy you this camera
So we can talk while I'm at my job
I'm sorry I didn't answer
I'm working so hard so I can buy your love

I'm sorry I left you waiting
Let me buy you this car
You see then you dont have to wait
For me to drive where you are
Because I'm so busy working
So I can buy your love

Why would you think I don't care?
I'm working 3 jobs to give you everything
Here, take these precious pearls
And have this diamond ring
Please, stay with me
I can give you what you need

Let me buy your love

At 18 he is an Adult
His eighteen years on earth have made him that
His eighteen years of growing, show offing, caring, becoming
Have made him become a man

At 15 she is still a child
Though enduring the same kind of struggle as him she is a child
Because he has endured it longer
Her fifteen years of being alive have taught her nothing compared to the three years left before adulthood

At 3 years apart they are friends
Maybe more, close enough
But darling, three years is a bit too much

Our society has an odd obsession with numbers
It also has an odd obssesion of deciding when one has been alive enough years to give consent
Shoving the idea of age down our throats as if it is the most important thing

She doesnt know what it means to love because she is far too young
I dont mean to be rude
But as a 32 year old single mother raising 3 children
do you?
Does your age define your maturity?
Because I'm not supposed to know how to say no to ***
But I do.

At 18 he is an adult
At 15 she is a child
But at what age are we allowed to fall in love?

Lips are made for kissing, she said.
But these lips have never been kissed with the love of a savior on these dark nights
Hands are made for holding, she said.
But these hands have never been held aside from the afraid little girl sitting next to her
Hearts are made for missing, she said.
But no heart has so much as missed a beat looking for her love
Promises are made to be broken
And all of the unspoken promises hurt the most when they come shattering down like broken mirrors

So I asked her
If lips were made for kissing
And hands were made for holding
And hearts were made for missing
And promises were made to be broken

Then why do harsh words spill from my lips like scalding soup onto the feet of unexpecting victims
And why do my hands make these cuts on my very own skin as if im cutting a cake that bleeds blood as red as my sins
And why does my heart lock itself into a cage as if its a prisoner in its own mind, chain itself to my soul in an inexcapable cell
Please, tell me why the promise of pure anger, pain and suffering is left inside of me with no escape. can you tell me that.

She looked at the ground and smiled
Your lips, Your hands, Your heart and Your promises
Are those of a survivor
Cherish them, for they hold beauty unbeknownst to those who have not felt pain
But still, you were made for the purposes stated above and you must believe it.

Following you up the stairs now
Yelling behind, in your ear
He's nobody, Nothing
You are never to see him again
But thats not fair
You don't see him like I do
You don't see his dreams
His ambition for doing things
He loves

Standing in your door now
YOU HEARD ME
I'll **** him
He only wants one thing and you won't be the one to let him have it
But have you seen his smile
The way he looks at me
I don't see Lust, which is all too familiar
But instead love

Fists raised now
Guess I'll have a chat with him then
DONT LEAVE THIS HOUSE
Already gone
But he did nothing wrong
A simple date turned into much more
Where did we go wrong
What did we do wrong

I'm sorry for tearing everyone apart.

I hate being in love
Because it means constant fear
They can leave
They can lie
They can get hurt
They could die
They could hate you
They can break you
Love is cruel
Its a painful fall into something inevitably soul consuming
But love is incredible
Complete and utter trust that someone can hold
A knowing, that another person NEEDS and WANTS you
So love goes both ways
But still
I Hate being in Love