I've got the children to tend
The clothes to mend
The floor to mop
The food to shop
Then the chicken to fry
The baby to dry
I got company to feed
The garden to ****
I've got shirts to press
The tots to dress
The can to be cut
I gotta clean up this hut
Then see about the sick
And the cotton to pick.

Shine on me, sunshine
Rain on me, rain
Fall softly, dewdrops
And cool my brow again.

Storm, ******* from here
With your fiercest wind
Let me float across the sky
'Til I can rest again.

Fall gently, snowflakes
Cover me with white
Cold icy kisses and
Let me rest tonight.

Sun, rain, curving sky
Mountain, oceans, leaf and stone
Star shine, moon glow
You're all that I can call my own.

What is want,
A craving or desire?
Consuming need
That sets the soul on fire?

To want is to wish
Though it may be greed,
To wish is to want
Or to be in need,

What is desire
Whether it be hers or his?
We may not know what we want
Or what want is,

Unrequited longing
That seems to smother,
We've all had it in some form
One way or another.

From when I was young till the present,
everything I did was always placed second.
But back then, it didn't matter much to me
because I knew what I now cannot see
I knew that my best should be enough,
even though accepting that can be tough.
Now I come second to a girl of great beauty,
she's something that I could never be.
She is oblivious to my existence,
which makes it easier for resistance
to pursue a love that isn't rightfully mine.
Why did I feel as if I was on cloud nine,
while being the girl called a home wrecker,
he made me feel as if she did not matter.
Now the verdict has been discussed and it's in
she is victorious and me, I did not win.
I feel surprised, but at home as well
love was never a story that I could tell
I hope to one day be deserving of first place
in someones heart, for them to feel my face,
and acknowledge the fact that they love me
only me, and thoughts of another could not be.

I want to scream until I reach absolute silence
I want to ruin everything with such violence
I want to cut these locks
I want to shed this skin
I want to bleed cold blood,
want to breathe destruction in.

I want my cynicism to rot
I want to be granted rebirth.
I want to see the sun, for once
I want to see my worth.

I want to feel alive
Want to feel reality.

I'm ready to be human
I've accepted mortality.

*-lf-

they told me
"never fall in love with a bad boy."

what they didn't tell me
was that bad boys
are not boys with scars
that have no stories.

they are not boys
with split bones,
stretched shadows,
black irises, and blacker bruises.

bad boys are the ones who
stitch together their words,
silk spider webs,
wrapping you up,
just like he did in his arms.

they are not boys who hide their faces,
and spill smoke from thin lips.

bad boys are the ones who
fill your hungry cries
with red wine and black waters,
dragging you down,
just like he did with his words.

they told me
"never fall in love with a bad boy."

but I did.

The girl was red,
all fire and heart
the boy was blue,
sad from the start

time drew them close,
their worlds were collided
what came next
new colors they provided

it shone so brightly
what they painted anew
like lavender, like violet
such a deep purple hue

life became yellow
like the sand and the sun
no time for hardships
when life is so fun

settling down nicely
yellow became green
small house, three children
peaceful and serene

Green became brown
like bark on a tree
their bones grew brittle
it was harder to see

Age made them weaker, but
their love was still strong
impossible to stop
this halcyon song

Yet all turned black
with a note from a doctor
“Five months.” he’d said
this time he had locked her

They sat in still silence
not saying a word
at this mortal news
for which they’d just heard

Weeks went on
they wept in dark dyes
a song interrupted
by soft subtle cries

It was then they decided
not to end their song sung
not wade in blue shadows
but live life as young

Black shot to yellow
in the blink of an eye
they danced and they laughed
and flew through the sky

When the time came
for her to lay down to rest
it was not a sad day
it was one of the best

This symphony of colors
which he had played such a part
had flipped his world round
painted red, his blue boy’s heart

He joined her shortly
his world turned white
and nothing could dull it
as he walked into night.

I remember how her eyes lit up
At the sight of a flitting bird.
I remember how her eyes looked down
Pretended the harsh words were unheard.
I remember how those eyes changed
When she realized she could be loved.
I remember how her eyes drained
When she found she wasn’t his only one.
I remember how her eyes turned dark
Swallowed, chewed up, released.
I remember how her eyes recovered
And she learned to smile again.
I remember how her eyes changed once more
When she learned who would treat her right.
I remember how her eyes grew tears
When it came to say goodbye.

I went to Wal-Mart, the other day
To buy you a shower curtain.
Not just any shower curtain, if I do say so myself,
But the perfect shower curtain.
I wanted a shower curtain that would describe you, as a person.
A shower curtain so wonderful
And weird
And uniquely you
That everyone that saw it would say,
"****!  That's a fine shower curtain!"
And what's more, they would know,
Beyond a shadow of a doubt,
That it was your shower curtain.
No one else's.

I didn't find it.

I'm sorry.  I am.
I tried to get one that fit
Your style, your class, your ******* beauty,
But I'm not sure it exists.

First, I tried to find one that smelled like fresh-cut flowers
After a rainstorm
In the Amazon.
Then, I thought about trying to find
Something that would match the color of your eyes,
But I don't think they've invented a material
That starts out sea green
Then changes to iron gray when you're happy,
Sky blue when you're sad,
And a mix of all three when you're angry,
Like a technicolor warning system.

So I looked for one patterned with cartoon owls.
Because I know you're scared of birds,
And the best time to face any fear
Is in the morning.
And the best way
Is as a cartoon.

They didn't have one printed with your favorite song,
Or one made entirely of white lillies,
Or one cut into the shape of every snowflake
From every snowball
You've ever fired,
With the accuracy of the captain of the softball team,
Directly at my head.

I tried to find one with your vicious brand of humor
That I find so compelling,
But they don't make a shower curtain
That insults your mother,
Then gives you a kiss on the chin
Because it can't reach your nose.

I went to Wal-Mart to buy you a shower curtain.

So I bought the only one they had
That I could justify
Because nothing else would have fit.
I bought one that is translucent,
So that if I walk in on you one morning-

By accident, of course-

When you are busy washing your hair
As you sing Elvis songs,
I'll be able to see you,
Without seeing everything.

she was sad
not the "hopeful" kind of sad
not the bitter kind of sad
not the kind of sad "that just takes time"
it was the kind of sad
that kept her awake at night
the loneliness
the self-hatred
the fact that she would never be good enough
the fear of rejection
the worthlessness
all created a bigger and bigger space in her chest with each passing minute
and during the day
she faked smiles and laughed at jokes that she didn't really think were funny
she tried to fill the space with good music
and everything else that should make normal people happy
but all this just made the space grow bigger
her chest expanded like a big balloon
and she kind of hoped that one day
the balloon would become big enough
so she could just float away