people have a tendency
to take things for granted
as if to say
it isn't good enough
to meerely be breathing
it's like
we're always wanting something more
greedy when it comes to happiness
or maybe it's just
that we aren't ever really happy
unless we're miserable
a culture which breeds masochists
we just can't see heaven
we are more focused
on worrying about which clouds
will be rain clouds

How empty I've become.
Not happy,
Not sad.
Just blank and deserted.
I am
f
   l
      o
          a
              t
                  i
                      n
                          g
through life.
No meaning,
No thoughts.
A rare goal,
Maybe.

Look how empty I have become.

Poison spoon fed the nodding King and ended ancestors.

Holy cows bought government *****
and ate suicides grown by ***** Kubla Khan gospels.

Shantih, Leviticus, and other proper thoughts
kissed arms of air and made islands from memories of breakfast.

Eternity perished in the illusion of swallowed tongues
in the belly of an infant—
and yesterday,

Only one bullet of hallelujah stood swimming.

A human being, possessed by fear
insecurity and anxiety..
"That's not good.." she whispered.
And she left all that things behind...still possessed
but yet so peacefull..

One headphone in.
Hum and sing.
Tilt head back-breathe in air.
Exhale.
Inhale.
Breathe.
Change song-
Reach for bag.
Don’t shake.
Be strong.
Yeah, right.
Tears falling-flow-
Stop.
Wipe them away.
Freeze.
Door opens.
Stop crying, god ******!
“M_?”
Fingers tremble.
You’re pathetic.
“Need help?”
Shake head.
Yes.
“…Let me open the window for you.”
Blink.
Sit down.
Chair creaks.
“Must be boring being stuck in the hospital for so long.”
Force smile.
“I would be bored to death if it were me.”
Awkward laugh.
What the hell do you know?
“So..I brought some flowers.”
Shrug.
Thank you.
Look around.
“Wow..this room reminds me of-“
Stop talking.
“One day, you and me will-“
I don’t care anymore.
“Hey-“
LEAVE ME ALONE!
“You know, I had this dream last night-“
So did I.
“I dreamed-“
What would my eternity be?
“You and me together-“
Is that it?
Sigh.
Lean back in chair.
“You know, people said that pain made you stronger.”
Close eyes.
Don’t react.
“What do you think?”
No.
“Why?”
…Who the hell says that pain makes you stronger? Pain will **** you, consume you, spit you out until there’s nothing left but ashes. That’s just a piece of *******-
“Don’t look so sad.”
Scoff.
“There are people out there who really love you.”
Lies.
“…If you want to cry, go ahead and cry.”
Silence.
Silvery wetness at the eyes-
Why are you crying?
“It- it- I can’t stand that- that-“
Sniffle.
“You’re holding all your pain in-
you can’t-
can’t let it go at all....."
Gasp.
"That’s why-
If you don’t cry-
I’ll cry in your place.
I’ll cry for you!”
Soft smile.
Idiot. I’m crying too.
“I’ll cry-“
For you.
*But..don’t you think that a smile is a more beautiful expression?

You Lied.  You used me.
Till there was Nothing More.
Pushed me away for Another.
Same thing you did before.
You think I'm an idiot,
I think you're a *****.
You won't find my kindness
waiting for you anymore.

You can't even be honest with me,
Every time you speak you Lie.
You've finally pushed me too far.
I wish you'd be gone, just go die.
You're not even worth the effort.
this time I won't have to get high.
To forget what you meant to me,
Now just disappointment, a sigh.

You used to be so beautiful,
you were flawless in my eyes.
Yet you used me, Lied to me,
Lead me on, and left to **** other guys.
You're too self centered,
too spoiled.  So it's no surprise.
You'll never have a working relationship.
Your greedy ***** side is your demise.

In the end, I'm shocked.
It doesn't hurt, there's no pain.
You've shown who you are,
No more of your emotional drain.
No more arguments, no more fights.
No more trying so hard for something so vain.
You're not the woman I fell in love with.
You're just someone who toys with my brain.

No more anger. No more pain.
Just disappointment, a little numb.
Taking a step back, looking hard.
Asking "How was I just so Dumb?"
They were all right about you, yea.
Why was I trying so hard for some ***?
The feelings just gone now.
The emotions left quite glum.

I could be angry.  Immature.
Call you white trash.  A *****.  A ***.  
But it's just not worth it anymore.
I wish you the best, hope you're happy, so....
I want you gone.  For good.
After you pay what you owe.
Because now we can Never be friends.
How you used me was too low a blow.