I am never going to forget how you smell.

After all, my bed smelled like your
perfume for months after we broke up.

In part because I only slept with girls
who wore the same brand.

I swear I wasn't being obsessive,
Columbia is just really ******* small.

You'll be happy to learn I ended up
exactly how you always said I would:

Caught between more women than I
have the capacity to care about.

The best part?
Not a single one smells like you do.

Not better and not worse but distinctly
nothing at all like you.

The worst part?
They all taste exactly like you do.

I don't remember how old
I was when it happened
but I know that I
couldn't have been more than
9.

I don't remember what she
was doing or what she
said so sweetly to make
me give up all I
knew.

I don't even remember liking
her at all. She was
just a girl in my class
that lived close enough to
see.

I don't remember what I
saw after her legs spread
but I knew in that
moment that everything was changing
forever.

I don't remember every detail
because I've spent life trying
to accept the thing I
can't change and won't ever
face.

White pills and resin hits.

This vendetta against sobriety
is deeply rooted in my soul.

On the television they all say
they do this **** for fun.

I do this **** to breathe
without wanting to **** myself.

So either I do it too much
or I'm not doing it enough.

Every breath is a reminder
that the next will be even worse.

And to think when I was a kid
they promised me the world.

All I got were these ******' pills.

The man that gave me life regrets it
so every time I gave him hell
I was really giving him credit.

Introduced me to the world.
Told me to be the best.
Said I was a waste of *****
if I was anything less.

Resentment doesn't cover it
and hatred is too eloquent.
My God thinks I'm worthless
and you still think I'm arrogant.

I'm disgusted with this world
and can hardly find the time
to explain just how I feel
without reverting back to rhyme

See that's the one thing that
I know I will always be God of
and I won't ever take for granted
any token of its love.

I always knew what this was.

Sure I'd smile and I'd hold you
I'd want you and I'd take you
to every place you ever saw
inside your deepest darkest dreams.

But dreams is all they were.

You needed me in ways that
air and sun could never fathom
while moon and stars watched
me introduce you to the world.

But we were never alone.

And now you've left me to be
with him and love him while
all the while pretending like
you never needed me at all.

I always knew what this was.

So now your nights can be spent
wrapped up in him and I can
go back to being high off things
I never got the chance to show you.

In the end we get what we need.