Tell the people what they want to hear
Even if it's not what you want to say

Sometimes when people say things to me or text me I'll write down what I really want to say and then crumble it up and say something completely different because I know explaining how I truly feel opens a door of issues and that I no longer have the energy to deal with.

I hate beginnings. I hate the awkward sweaty hand shake you do as you say hi, the stumble of your nervous words as you try to laugh it off. I hate the uncomfortable energy when you can't tell if they know you're joking or not. I hate the anxiety I feel as my chest compressed into a narrow passage way so small only a thread could fit through, and the way a cold nervous sweat engulfs my body. The way a fog creeps into my head so everything appears blurry as I spin on my heels, dizzy and lightheaded.
But I hate goodbyes even more. I hate the choking feeling in my throat when I fight back the painful tears, I hate the last hug which leaves you with an absent ghost haunting you, I hate the feeling that this is forever, the feeling that leaves you hallow and broken.
Introductions may be awkward and laughable, but goodbyes are painful, permanent, final. All things we dread the most.

To my darling, for who I lust, this ballad is for you, as I award you all my trust: I lust for the upward furrow of your lips, turning into that goofy laugh that warms my body as your hand grabs my hand to a grip,
I thirst for your calm and cool natural humor, for you act as solar and I am lunar, I long for you pacific to glint, if you didn't vision (I worship you), my darling, catch a hint.