Please forgive me
I know not what I do
I’m living in a bubble and I can’t see through
Walking in a daze, an ambient haze
That’s so thick that I’ll never really see you

I walk around in a dream, while my life passes me by
I’m filled with fear, it floods my head
And I don’t even know why…
The voices in my head,
They ebb and flow, and startlingly grow  

If only I knew how close I was
To the stillness that speaks
To the light that shines and ultimately sublimes
Opens your eyes to the wonders around
And even the sights and sounds

The one word that will change your life
Take you up to new heights
Now always remember,
That word is…
Surrender

As the sands of time
Slowly slither, silently on
As you try to grab a hold
It siphons through your fingertips
The harder you squeeze
The faster the flow
But when you open your hand
Spread your fingers wide
a small pile settles in the palm

When you hold on
It suffocates suddenly, simply still
But loosen your grip
And life flourishes as you will
Change is the only constant
Always remember the simple truth, that  
people are in your life for three reasons:
For a reason
for a season
or for a lifetime

Each one as important as the other
but none so important that you can't live without
each one just a lesson learnt
So be grateful for each moment well spent
Because after all...
All we ever seem to do is say goodbye

I see you lying there
Your skin golden and bare
I look deep into your eyes, but all I can see
Is her looking straight back at me

They say she found someone
He’s smart, cute and handsome
And she’s happy as can be
Funny that she used to say that about me

She was mine and I was hers
But time is cruel it stagnates,
Loses the vibe and separates
I've never been good at goodbyes

I miss you, no one can compare
But I know your still out there
Smiling, golden, beautiful
I just pray that he’s suitable

I miss you
I love you
*Goodbye

If you could be anything, what would it be?
Would it be large and strong, or humble like a flea
I've asked myself that question a hundred times
And even felt lost sometimes

Now the animal for me is a duck

Graceful and elegant, filled with poise
And never one to quack as noise
Under the water, away from the light
Its tiny legs kick with a bite

Each and every kick back and forth
Let’s it head further north
Forth in the direction you want to be
So kick those feet and join me

Towards your dreams…

I’m sorry about your scars
And all this pain you’re feeling
I try to cover my eyes
But I still see you bleeding
I wish I could change who I was
Who I’m supposed to be
If I could go back in time
Wrap you in a hug
And protect you from the world
That bites and cuts and knocks you down
Brings tears to your face
Covers up your grace
I'm sorry...
Life is hard, it favours the bold
We're too young to feel this old

I pray Cupid comes to me
Comes to set me free
Shoots an arrow deep into my soul
And fills that gaping hole

Gives me love like never before
Because lately I’ve been craving more
Maybe I should let you go
But how am I to know

Its been a while that I’ve been hanging on
And its finally starting to feel wrong
Your not the angel I once thought you were
Maybe you’re just a filthy *****

I was lost and now I’m found
I came back down to the ground
I am turning into someone to be
I am not the ghost you are to me

For background - read "The Frumpy Tale of Riley River Duck"*
----------------------------------------------------------­-----------------------------------------------------------------­--
In the frigid winters of June
With the snow scattering over the crystal lagoon
Puffy white frost pillows covered the ground
The sunshine making them glitter all around

Riley sat with a piping hot cup of tea
Conversing eloquently with Cecelia the flea
The happy duck sat, blankets covering her slick feathers
Helping her brave even the harshest weathers

Out of nowhere came a huge “thump”
Causing Riley to jump
She waddled to the window
Just to see a cloud of dust and kindle

An avalanche slowly slithered along
The beast heaved, wicked and strong
Flicking up ice, draping the sun with a gown
Speckling, flickering and finally glittering down

Outside came a muffled scream
It could’ve been from a dream
Riley rushed outside
With the sun her only guide

She saw a **** of snow wiggle and grow
How was anyone to know?
That the avalanche had awoken an animal
Cory the angry camel

See the snow and lumber
Woke him up from his slumber  
Along with the snow, his temper seemed to grow
And his **** was in a frump

Riley waddled out
To settle this bout
She pleaded and reasoned him to see
That the snow was very fun to throw

All the animals of the Great Oak Tree crowded around the fight
Till the day turned into night
Cory was smiling and laughing, his mood lifted
As his big hooves sifted

He lifted up a snowball, and threw it into the sky
Riley could only watch it fly…
It hit her in the beak
So her mouth was too cold to speak

She looked in shock
As Cory ran amok
The camel had won the fight
Just as the day turned to night

The day came to an end
And Cory couldn’t help but pretend
That he wasn’t happy that he won
Throwing snow was very fun

Riley saved the day
In the late winters of May
She took Cory into her house
Quiet as a mouse….

Your Biggest Fan: A Hoadley Story

In the time of my life when dreams come true
When I was so immature and learning to live
Being an early adult is always so hard
And draining in ever-ry regard

With a glimpse of fate
And a gift to me
Came a beautiful princess
In a flowery summer-dress

I stumbled into your life, you stumbled into mine
With a shaky start you taught me so much
I grew and grew and thought it through really hard
And finally let down my guard

I fell back into the roses of being in your arms
And embraced the soft sweet scented petals
Where everything was beautiful
And I couldn’t help but feel dutiful

The soft colours and sweet scented world
That you’re so familiar with
Got brighter more and on display
When I began to see you every day

That little ember in my belly
Just below all the butter-flies
Exploded into a roaring fire
Filling me with a burning desire

I’d trap myself in a dream
As long as it’s just you and me
Where we’ll visit exotic lands
And be happy just holding hands

I want to protect you to never see you hurt
To never see your eyes turn grey
To never see tears roll down
Or to ever witness a frumpy frown

I’d shift that mood like the time in the car
When we sat and listened to Noah and the Whale
And we both thought the same thought
About the happiness each other brought

You’ll achieve everything you’ve ever dreamed
Your heart the real House of Hope
I believe in you so much you see
You really are the one for me

So smile for me it’s an amazing gift
One that asks for nothing back in return
I asked the gift of being your man
Because you see, I really am your biggest fan...

Pale moonlight flooded through the narrow slits of the draping blinds
Casting an eerie light on the surrounding room
Our chests raised in unison
We truly were connected

Her heavy head
Weighted with all the burdens of a child
Forced to grow up too fast
Fitted into the mold on my chest

Her breathing slow and steady
A polar opposite
to the preceding nights activities
She looked so peaceful

Strange how such peace and purity
Like still moonlight
Can cover the welling inside
of a fiery furnace building, ready to erupt

For with each turn of that moon
That peace and passion
That abundance of love, joy and giving
Too had turned

I hated her  

Strange how little things you love
Like the twinkle in her eye or the way her hair falls in her face
Can be so beautiful
Yet....

How was she so coy?
Did she not feel the turbulence
The red hot searing fire furnace tearing me apart
As i wanted to see the light flood out of her eyes

Desperate

But she looked so peaceful

I wanted to tear it all apart
To rip our souls in half
and dim the dreary burden of her faltering light
Or was i just being selfish?

They say you can only love others
As much as you love yourself
I didn't love her
So what did that say about myself?

She gave and gave and gave
Kindness, love and respect
I begrudgingly took it
Without the slightest bit of remorse

I again felt her head on my rising chest
I could never tell her
I closed my eyes and tried to lay my mind to rest
Maybe tomorrow will be better...

*It never was

Public Execution:

And on and on it draws closer
Looming up against the grey
And tightening like a noose around the neck
Of the chosen

The martyr swallows his pride
Proud to belief
That it’s all false
That its all chance

The wood creaks
As the steps draw fewer
The crowd screams
As the floor is gone

There's a creak and a crack
The floor falls away
The sinews of rope tighten
As the world turns black

And fades away….

Truth be told if there was such an angel
As the books always said
I think I was the one that experienced her touch
Her beauty, her grace was all too much…

You being the angel that I see
Helped me in every way to be…
A better person, strong and calm
And even kept me away from harm

My angel put up with my tears and fears
My work and all my friends
She put up with my colossal dreams
And through that taught me the most important lessons of my life:  

That no matter what happens
If it’s meant to be, the chips will fall in place
And once again I’ll feel your grace
It’ll be us against the world

Even after all this talk, there will be a lot that I miss
A best friend, someone to hold
Someone that is with me
While we watch the world unfold

A lover, my hope
Possibly the one
That is my guiding light
That lights up the darkest night


So this isn't a goodbye, it’s more of a “see you soon”
Once you've grown into the woman that you’re meant to be
Let these words be a reminder
For all to see
For you to never forget me….

For one day you and I could fly,
High in the heavens above
We’ll grasp our hands so tight
Never letting go…

But until then...
Let this be, the reminder that you were meant to see
I wish you all the happiness in the world
And I never want you to feel grief

I’ll see you again….my love

A smile costs nothing, but gives much-
It takes but a moment, but the memory of it usually lasts forever.
None are so rich that can get along without it-
And none are so poor but that can be made rich by it.


It enriches those who receive, without making poor those who give-
It creates sunshine in the home,
Fosters good will in business,
And is the best antidote for trouble-
And yet it cannot be begged, borrowed, or stolen, for it is of no value
Unless it is given away.


Some people are too busy to give you a smile-
Give them one of yours-
For the good Lord knows that no one needs a smile so badly
As he or she who has no more smiles left to give.

-I find this and think its so true. So here is a smile from me to you :)

I fight the urges
I fight the tears
It seems so hard
I want to give in to the fears

The urges get better
I can finally see a light
The light dims and disappears
And I’m left again, dark as night

The path is narrow
The rocks are sharp
Each stumble or fall
Cuts a tiny slit in my heart

The cuts get bigger
And **** and ooze
Is it really worth the effort
I’m only gonna lose

But each time I take the cut
The stitches get fewer and less
Its easier to sew
To scrub, to clean and finally dress

The cuts get harder
As the scar tissue forms
The cuts don’t seem so bad anymore
It only tingles and burns

As time goes by
With the sand falling soft and sound
The heartbeat slows
Into a drumming pound

I’m running and jumping
Rolling and laughing
I finally see the flowers in the trees
Fluttering and dancing

The road is wide
The birds sing
There’s no need for a thought
So I hum a beautiful hymn

A Poor Man’s Love Story:

I met you when I was three
I still remember how scared you were of that slide
Those days when we were so young, careless and free
I hoped we’d never change but life’s a ride
I hoped you’d never get tired of me

When we got a little older
And we became compulsive flirts
And I got a bit bolder
That first kiss under all those fireworks
I think my heart got bigger

I began to love you
It seemed like life was a big, happy game
And when the wind blew
Making the brown autumn leaves dance up Strawberry Lane
And flicked up your long blonde hair

We’d laugh, cuddle, cry and feel no fear
Hold each other till our muscles would shake
Talk on the phone when I was away just to feel near
A dream world where everything but you and me, just felt fake
I hate to see you sad


One day when I’m rich and wise
I’ll take you where you always wanted to go
It’ll be the ultimate surprise
We’ll stand on the Champs Elysees and throw
Bread crumps to the plump pigeons

We’ll gaze into each other’s eyes and not make a sound
Fall down on the rich green grassy banks of a river
I’ll always catch your head before it hits the ground
Ill cover you with a blanket for when you start to shiver
We’ll wish on the shooting stars

The world will just fade away into a distant haze
A pulsating bubble, hiding us away
Time will slow, and bliss will fill our days
We’ll feel young again, happy and gay
I love you my angel

Ill hide away your scars from the world
The cracks and scars that make you so beautiful and real
Keep your passions spread and unfurled
You’ll be with me as long as I can feel
I promise, it’ll be you and me together, forever...

In the dark abyss of my mind
Twisted and contorted thoughts you may find
Or brilliant sunshine, laughter and ease
Sun-scorched petals dancing and twisting in the breeze

A silent theatre where I can hide
No one will ever know what I see
For if one was to infiltrate the deep crevices of where I confide
There would be no recovery for me

Thoughts litter in a jumbled way
It seems like I have little control
They often wander and stray
These amblings of thought take a hefty toll

Negativity corrupts and destroys
The beautiful garden Eden of my mind
Planting seeds of doubt, a reality decoy
To try make me stray from my path, that which I must find

To rather plant luscious seeds of hope and joy
And nurture and care for them
Will serve to one day grow a garden Eden to enjoy
And make all my wishes grow and stem

For all the things you picture and see
In your minds eye
And vividly imagine them to be
Appear before you, so reach for the sky

For in the final hours of one’s life
It’s not the things that you did that you regret
It’s the paths you took that weren’t in your life’s strife
If you follow what you love you’ll have a life no one will ever forget

So find what means the most for you and seek it out
Search, find and never ever pause
For to whoever can open their minds to dreams but not only dream about  
The world is and all in it is yours....

Night:

Such a strange feeling when you close your eyes
And darkness covers the light
Ever so slowly...

Heavy weighted time stricken problems lift
And fall into the nothingness of black
With falling eyelids

There those escape from the problems that trouble mind and sight
Come into full effect
The body and soul, mind alike sink into a deep slumber
Where dreams provide endless possibilities

But when our vessel once again begins to stir
With  a new dawn
Such is the darkness lifted
And the light shines once again

And our problems and gifts
Woes and heart
Come back into our life....

She sits with her eyes downturned,
Legs and arms crossed closed
I can feel her heartbeat against my hand resting on her back
She rocks her body slowly backwards and forwards
She rocks away from me

A single tear drop rolls down her cheek
Sitting, glistening with the faint light of the moon
She slowly raises her head
Her eyes and face contorted with grief
The flood gates open, and tears begin to roll down

I feel my insides spasm, contract and writhe
I start to feel nauseous, I knew this was coming
Why didn’t I see it?
Maybe it was just me
How could a girl like her ever consider me...?

A girl that glides into rooms
Dress flowing with each and every step
Weightless,
Elegant,
Beautiful...


I try to reach out, to grab her, to hold on
But she’s slowly moving away from me
I try to grab on harder, to pull her into me
Her body feels limp, empty and hollow
Now she’s standing

I feel my heart skip a beat
My hands are shaking, uncontrolled
I feel cold, barren, and desolate
I feel heart-broken
Now I’m standing

“I love you, don’t leave!”
She turns around
Her eyes glazed over, lifeless
I see her head drop a little
She’s made up her mind

I hold her vacant gaze
She’s looking through me
Exposing me
Tearing me apart
She turns away

My eyes swell up with tears
They feel puffy and sore
I stare at her back as she walks away
Her body slouched and tired
She doesn’t look back...

You glided through life, laden with love
You pushed and squeezed, and huffed and wheezed
I was born into this world, a gift from above
Let out a small yelp, sniffled and sneezed

You loved and you cared
Through good times and bad
You put all matters aside, your soul proudly bared
I would never want to make you sad

I grew up to be tall and strong and you always cared
Before that when I was still young
What I did and said, you must’ve been scared
I hope I turned out all right, now you can finally have fun

It’s my turn to look after you
You’ve done it for so long
I’m grateful for that and a life always new
A life transposed into a beautiful song

Thank you for all the opportunities you’ve thought and given
It’s changed a lot and made me be...
Without you I would be nothing and id have never forgiven
You are in my heart and soul, the very essence of me

All my successes and failures were each life lessons learned
But softened and sweetened by my lovely mom
You taught me to let go, force bad memories to be burned
Each day started anew,
All these taught by none other than you...

Thank you for your time in raising a son
Life would’ve been so different without you
You’re so special to me, without you I wouldn’t be
Thank you for being the most wonderful mom...

In the girdle of times stricken woes
Collected around a shank wholesome with girth
Hidden beneath the adipose tissue
Of many a feast, ale and tasteful dessert

Oh my

Seems like far back in yonder years
Sans worry sans problems sans regret
That the natural Adonis sinews
Gifted by the Creator
When we were granted our first breath

Were admonished as malnourished
Back in the day
Back in the day

In the shadow of the great oak tree
In a place not for you and me
Found only with great luck
Lived Riley the river duck

You see Riley was frumpy
And oh so grumpy
How she was, was how she preferred
To the point that it was absurd

None of the other animals seemed to care
That she was always holed up in there
Wallowing in a puddle, her thoughts in a muddle
And her dress, in such a mess

On one brilliant summer day
With the sun shining so bright and gay
You see she always thought that she had such rotten luck
For Riley yet again was stuck

For what pickle is so fickle
To make that duck, stuck
What thought so meek
To make this situation so dire and bleak

While all the other animals were outside playing
Riley was inside praying
That she could come out
But the problem was that she was filled with doubt

One morning was particularly glorious
And Riley was oh so furious
That she dropped all her doubt
And she tried for the first time to come out

She stepped out and ruffled her feathers
The power of the sun severing imaginary tethers
And a smile spread across her face  
For she realised how beautiful was this place

For now that she finally stepped out
Of her excuses and self doubt
All the animals greeted her with such zeal
She realised that this must be how it is to finally feel

Now a few days later
According to the official dater
She wasn’t grumpy, she wasn’t dire and she wasn’t a bore
Riley wasn’t frumpy any more

Everyone around her loved her, they couldn’t get enough
For what a special duck she was, being holed up had made her tough
Now Riley had finally learnt to be happy and be free
And there began the jovial tale of Riley of the Great Oak Tree

If I could capture this moment  
And always remember
What you look like, lying there

I’d capture this moment in all its splendour,
Each soft second passing, so fragile, so tender
As I watch the time tick by, you move further away
In my mind’s eye

I’d capture this moment so that I couldn’t forget
To waste your memory a silly regret
And even as the sands of time slide on
Our hearts and souls will never be far from

I’d capture this moment so that you’d never look away
Not looking at me, is enough to say
The words I’d hate to hear
That twists and threads into my fear

I’d capture this moment and freeze it and hold it
And never let another own it

I’d capture this moment so that if it were to ever end
I would never have to spend
Another moment without you...

The glaring orange and red vermillion rays stretched over the mountain top and city skyline in the humbling spectacle of nature’s dawn...
Lifting away the frightful, cold and deathly nuances of the city by night...
The dull glaze of the concrete motorways,
Spun and circled around the growing organism of steel suburbia...
Filled with a meandering stream of colourful cars
Feats of engineering beauty
The blaring noise of traffic drowned out the natural stillness of nature’s beauty...
In the peak rush hour of a Cape Town mourning....

To the left of me...
Stood the deathly profile of a street urchin...
The little lady...
Body thin and frail, hands out-stretched in a sinewy leather grasp...
Warn and tattered rags for clothes...
Burnt and ***** face....
Yet still able to muster a look of hope....


I lifted my fingers to my mouth
And let out a shrill and deafening whistle
Drowned away by hooting and the hum of the engines, spurting noxious fumes,
Defiling the air....
She turned with a vigorous jolt
Raised eyebrows and a head turning smile...
I ushered her towards me with my outstretched hand, well manicured nails
Not a wrinkle of hardship characterising the clean skin
In the burning rays of yet another hopeful morning...
At least for me.

As her body was moving, all I could see were her eyes...
They pierced me, danced for and contorted the world around me....
A hazelnut brown painting, embedded in a small circular hole in the skull...
A gateway to the emotions
Connecting everyone, regardless of age, race or even stature...
As I gazed, captivated.
I saw compassion, longing, loss, warmth and passion in her eyes – the whole spectrum of humanity
In two small but infinitely deep pools
Cascading into a never ending abyss of emotions
Of pain, suffering, a little joy and infinite hurt....
Then I blinked...
And all those emotions, those connections and our future...
Were gone in the simple gesture of a fluttering eyelash
As she looked the other way...

The car lurched forward yet again...
With the flash of a green light and safety of movement
To the other side of the intersection
My hand still outstretched holding the crumpled buffalo note
My contribution to a severely needing hand
Lost with the bustle of life continuing, and leaving behind all too weak to keep up....
She began to scurry away, back to her pavement

I looked back...
The little lady gone.
Lost forever

Open the gate
An empty spot without your car
Dew droplets fresh
Tyre treads left on the dirt

The smell of you still lingers in the air
Dampened by the scent of the unfamiliar
Pushing it into the walls
And staining the floor

No sound of laughing, everything's changed
The mosquito net left dangling on a hook
The dust will finally settle
In another empty room in an empty house

And when I come back "home"
And sit where you sat
Light a match
And engulf the iron *** with searing flames

I get thrown into the insanity over again
Without the pillar of light
Guiding through all the nuisances
Guiding me through the night

And if to once again inevitably stray
And falter off the path
Will you be there to pull me onto the road
And back into the day...