That smell
I haven't smelled that smell for what feels like a year
I push my nose into this sweater
I'm taken back in time
To a cold December night
That warms my cold heart
to remember
not forget

I make an effort
To understand you
I really do

Its not easy
But I try my hardest
To make you feel better
Just to be shrugged away

I laugh it out with you
To see if that's what you want
What you want to feel
Only for a few seconds it lasts

I make an effort
To be a good friend
And it seems like
You won't accept that

Thou art not but a siren,
Singing thine song.
Thou do not but lure the hearts of men,
Into thine caltrop of a jaw.

Not devouring instantly,
But instead thou bides thine time.
Thou pleasures before thou feasts.
Thou waits until the opportune shade of sundial,
When the hearts of men art trustworthy.
Thou feeds upon them as if a beast.

But dost thou have beauty?
But dost thou have charm?
But dost thou have wit?
This is why thou cannot resist.

Some past ago
Innocence carried my heart
And then one day you presented to me
The Impression of passion

It touched me
Changed me
Utilized my beating chest
And utterly broke me

I yearn still to embrace your body
The elegant contact of your lips on mine
To save you from the bitterness of snowy nights
But my mistakes bartered my undoing

That night
That cold, unforgiving winter night
Will forever haunt my dreams
As I try to find the past in my slumber

The extent of loves hand is weary and perplexing
But the willingness of a heart as mine will trade lives
For one
Last
Touch

By the divines, I am *alone

First to answer such a question as
What is it that I want?
There must be an understanding of the word I

Simply put,
I means you
And you means I
I is we
I is all
All life can be described with these words
But they all mean the same thing
I, you, we, us,
A single central self-centered species

Now to understand what I want
We must then define want

There is more to want than desire or lust
Want simply put is new
New is the very basic form of want
Take a video game for example,
You may desire this game as much as you **** well please,
At the end of the day when you finish the game no matter what game it is,
It becomes not new
And you go and play the next game

With these basic ideas of I and Want
Now it can be discussed what it is I want.

I don't want world peace
Or the next new piece technology
Those are shallow desires
Yes these would be nice things to have
But it won't stay new for long
And that is why we stride for them instead of focusing on what it is I want

What I want
Simply put,

Is to find out what I want.

Live life as you want go ahead
Live it up to the most you can
Some can't though

No matter how hard you try
You can't fill it in
Some fill it with religion, music, film,
But there will always be room for ache to set in

I feel terrible I treated you in such a way
I feel terrible because I broke your trust
I feel terrible that you changed
I feel terrible this happened to us

I want to apologize
I want to be your friend
I want to not have to look away every time I see you
I want the foolishness to end

I can't because It will never be the same
I can't because I dug the hole too deep
I can't because she doesn't give a **** about me
But most of all, I can't because I can't stand the sight of what she has become

*if only...

Tonight we will make things right
Tonight we will talk through our hearts not hands
Tonight we will express our rawness
Tonight we will imagine a life without one another
Tonight we will imagine
Tonight we will hold hands but not kiss
Tonight we will love but not make love
Tonight we will share the same mind
Tonight we will wipe the tears from our consciousness
Tonight I will love you
Tonight
Tonight

*Forever...

So this is weird
I feel weird
I remember this feeling
I told myself I would never again
Why do I feel this

Because I need stimulation
*******
No *******
No you
No you
Ok...
Yeah that's what I thought
I know...
You're lonely you know it
I know...
Give in
Ok...
Loser
I know...
Make bad decisions
But I don't want to...
*But I do...

In all honesty
A poem doesn't have to rhyme
Or have to pertain to a certain textbook "structure"
No one can tell you that you wrote it wrong
No one can tell you that you can't write a poem about writing poems
It's you baby
Not them

I think that when a person is made
Only one half is made to a baby
And the other half another baby somewhere
And they try to find each other In this big world
Some never find each other
And others mistake them for enemies
But some find that person who fits
*Just right

Hi.
I'm here.
I thought you just ought to know,
That I'm here.

I try my hardest,
To stay here.
But sometimes,
I'm a few feet away.
It's not your fault,
I thought you just ought to know,
How hard I try to be here.

When I am here,
I might think things as if they
where in a dramatic movie.
That's how I picture how it is here,    
A movie.
I thought you just ought to know,
How it feels to me to be here.

Next time you think I'm not here,
Think about how hard I try,
And how it feels to me to be here.
But I do it anyways.
For the strong love I feel.
I thought you just ought to know,
That I'm here.

I have this hard shell
I pride myself on it sometimes
But other times I wish I could throw it away
And be the boy I was when I first met you
But these years haven't been forgiving
To my shell

No matter how hard you try
No matter what words you say
No matter the emotion you show
Or the pain you feel
There is no chance
No hope
Because what is there to hope for anymore

Stabbed in the ******* back
Let the blood run down your blade
Stabbed in the ******* back
Let hate take over your brain

At the end of the day
You're nothing but filth
Nothing but a pile of ****
Now stick your nose in it

I used to trust you
Now I question every word you say
I’ll just keep you alive long enough
To feel every bit of pain you caused

After the suffering
I’ll watch as you die

You're my best friend
You stay by my side
You look me in the eye
And understand why I cry

You're my only friend
We talk unlike anyone else
We share what comes from our hearts
And understand how it all starts

You're my closest friend
You say I'm going to leave
I'm more worried about being left
Because without you I have no one to share my heart with
Everyone else left...

Hold my hands dear
You know this place
You know the time
You remember
Do you want to go back in time with me
Just for one night
And never speak a word of it
But just relive this wonderful night
With me

Flowing.
Rushing.
Moving.

Fast.
Slow.
Comfortable speed.

Fluctuation.
That's me.
Just going.
Somewhere I don't know.
But somehow I know all the roads.

Build your journey right.

How am I supposed to feel?
Like it was just a thing,
A phase,
A segment,
And I'm supposed to accept it right away?
Well I apologize,
It's not as easy for me.

I feel a little better
That thing that just stimulated
The correct part of my brain
And took a bit of the pain
Away

Still I remember
Still I refuse now
To forget
What has made me
Who I am today
I still
Remember