I can't help it
No matter where in my heart I may look, there you are
You may not think it but you are too good to me
Our differences mean nothing in the torrent of our similarities
We are not friends, not like most friends
There is nothing superficial about us
I can still feel you in my arms
I still remember that look of excitement on your face when we ran into each other unexpectedly
I still remember everything
The conversations, the stories, the looks
Everywhere we went, every sight we saw, every frustrated word, happy face, or sad look
I am sorry often that it wasn't enough
I am sorry that I lost you, though I am never lost to you
How can I mean so much to you when I feel so small?
A dust mite in the presence of God, a field mouse in the presence of you
Would that you were a cat, come to devour me
But no, you lift me up
So much easier it would have been
If you had only given me a reason to hate
But no, I can only love you
I can only love
I can't help but feel something missing in my life
Though God makes me whole
I miss you still, my warmth made less in your absence

Today was wonderful, but you weren't here...
Today is great, and bright, and yet you are not here...
I left you somewhere, my heart knows where...
I do not remember the sound of your voice, or the feel of your hair, your hand, your body...
I see your picture and wonder, knowing it isn't you I see...

Capture the light, capture the sea, capture my heart...
I so suddenly saw you, wanted to know who you are...
Fading from my heart, I no longer see...

Where are your words to ease my hurt?
Where is your voice to soothe this burning, terrible burning, inside?
Where are your hands to stop the bleeding, to hold my heart safe?
Where has my heart gone, that it would so heal?
What is my love, that it would so roam?

I am fine, but you are not here...
I do well, but you are not here...
I am more whole than ever, but you are not here...
Perhaps I never needed you at all...

I wish I could hold your hand again. I miss that.
I miss the way we spark, the way our energies dance together, like two clouds playing tag in the wind.
Do you remember how it feels?
Do you remember, at the stone circle, hand touching, bodies leaned in, and the rush we felt?
Do you remember me? The truth of me, impossibly in tune with the truth of you; impossible to name but forever ingrained.
Do you remember the feeling of finding something impossible to find, impossible to define, and just letting it be, not worrying about the label.
Do you remember what it feels like to hold my hand?
Do you remember what it felt like, hands together, the tremors we felt together? The impossibility that someone could know so well without knowing?
Do you remember...
I forgot... I forgot the feel of your hand in mine; how it felt to have you there at my side.
I forgot in sadness the peace we had.  
I forgot in anger what it meant to live the impossible.
I forgot, in the hurt, the joy of just being... of trusting...
I remember now... the hurt, the pain... it split me apart...
  In healing, I remember the peace...
   In healing, I remember the laughing, the smiles.... I remember... "hello laady!"
    In healing, I remember the power, the sparks...
     In healing, I remember... late night drives and wind mills never seen... just keep talking and never get bored...
I remember you... and I remember me... Our friendship that must always be... a bond stronger than we could be, alone...

The town is covered in thick fog.
Walking through town, a familiar feeling of isolation begins to crawl up my spine.
Walking through the mist-filled shadows reminds me of something: an image, a powerful thought.
The sounds and phased images of a multitude of vehicles continue to pass me by, ignorant of my presence and blind to the world around them so fixated are they on their destinations.  
The bleeding soul of this dying world is unknown to the masses that spell our seemingly inevitable destruction.
There, it sounded; the tones of a local church bell. To some a call to worship; to others, a telling of the time; but, to most of the mist-shrouded inhabitants of this town, the noise is lost completely.
To a man devoid of hope, the toll of the bell is a mere reminder of all things lost.  
To my eyes, I see people falling, walking from nothing, through nothing, to nothing.  
It is true, there is no meaning in any of it aside from God.
The lights shining through the mist only illuminate so far.  
The more lights we have, the easier to see.  
Lights of love, why not shine?

I don't know why I ever came back.  A voice in the dark whispered my purpose, telling me there were things to be done.  I fell into a hole, I made a mistake, I opened my heart when it should have been dead.  
I met you, and there you were, inside my heart.  Why would you be there, just to break it?  All things are meaningless now, my soul is ruptured.
Why can't you leave my heart alone? I pretend to be okay, but I am not okay. Every moment is a struggle to keep breathing, every moment I die more inside.  Every moment I lose more of me.  You liar, you coward.  I made myself a fool, and you watched; sad, but too scared to stop me.  More and more I opened my heart, not noticing... you were curious, but never wanted it. You read it like a sick tabloid, like a disinterested glutton, devouring my soul only to ***** it into the trash.  
If only I could leave the world, leave it in it's sinister misery.  What pathetic creatures we are; mindless worms feeding on our own filth.  Leave my heart, leave my soul, leave me alone...
Again I returned, over and over, and again you sated your hunger for my pain.  I saw it in your eyes, you knew how much I hurt; but I let you do it, I let you break me, over and again.  For my love I gave my soul; until the day you broke it.  The line was crossed, my heart was closed, and you lost me.  
It was my turn then, to break your heart. You didn't think anything could make me leave your side, but you found it, the one line, the one that shall not be crossed.  And my heart closed you out, yes even you; my inner self rose up in power, in anger you were cast from me.  And now you sit, and now you have no one, no one who knows your true self with love; only the false ones remain, only the ones that love your mask too much to find your heart.  But my heart is stone, and I weep no more.  My heart of flesh, broken again, mended into stone, unbreakable.

Thinking about the tumultuous world,
Being thrown about like a rabid dust bunny.
Eternally weeping, from joy or sorrow
Who knows the will of the wilted flower?

Here we are
how we've changed
in this short time, I never knew

time is split
two major spans; before, and since that day

I see your face and wonder
if I can be for you what you are for me
My life is full of purpose, I see my grand adventure
the whole thing seems less without you by my side
my adventure will continue, my story will be written
without you I will go forward...
but with you... my life will be more,
my adventure will be grander,
my purpose more fulfilling

Can you feel this
The power raging
I feel it like a raging inferno
Liquid fire in my veins

Is this what it feels like
Is this love?
Mountains become mole hills, oceans are but puddles
Distance between us is but a flick of the hand, a tick of a clock

The distance between us measures my life
The further you are, the slower time moves...
When I see you, when I can look in your eyes, I am lost, and years pass in a moment

Fortuitous grace, the lovely unknown, loving the lightning, striking my heart.  Living inside, looking through these eyes, waiting.  When he hurts, I come out... When you strike at him, there I am... You will not harm him... None can come through me; I am the invincible rogue, the invisible monster hiding in this heart.  It is mine! He gave his heart freely to you, I cannot stop him.  You sent it back, broken, and think he will stay?  He would stay forever, for his love is true.  He would let you run him into the ground.  
I Say No More.  I say stop.  Gently, at first, you can see me behind his eyes, through the tears, waiting...  you have seen me before, that night... you cannot describe me, though your heart beats faster... remembered passion, now a foul stench... The fire turns cold, the room falls apart, and I scream... Suddenly, the tears dry, and we smile at your look...
I would have loved you too, had you not been so callous.  Passion falls short, desire cannot keep calm in my presence, but instead you called forth wrath... and My Wrath is unlike any other...  He whispers, "no..." a feeble attempt to stop me.  Soon we will bathe in blood together, you and I... It will be ours... I am the blood, I am the lust, I am primal... Soon He is no more, and I call to you, the inner side of her... Waken to my call, and heed not the feeble fears of the mortals... Throw aside this flesh and let us be one...

For all those things I need to hear, are all the things I cannot say. For me the pain is far to near, my heart it fears, your loving, ever warm, embrace.
Though you may be my only way, when you are near, I cannot see.  I tear inside, blinded to life outside this prison, inside my heart.  
My heart it wonders why you wander in and out so freely. Paths through sorrow, marked with blood... My bleeding heart, to have you know me...
Loving living, grand living light.
Gifted, granted; lighted heart.
Giving, having, leaving, life giving, heart wrenching, love of pain, pain of love...

Here again I sit alone, wondering...
Why there must not be always, love...
Again, forlorn, my heart doth weep...
My purpose wane, my faith come weak...

Future, past, present are but not what I have been...
Self; illusionary...
But, for to whome I tell not when...
The line, the wax; coordination....

My falseness bare not witness to thy lovely...
Eye of the storm is not; but hurricane eyes, not, too much, mine heart...
Be the still, the ne'er loved...

Forlorn, my purpose wane...
To ne'er I go, thine heart not slain...

Carry thine love with thee, under pillow safeguarded...
Mule's day, play's night...
To see the lovely, wonderful...
Storm-less skies, wonderous eyes, after all..

Show me the length of the seas... Shout out the name of the storm... Drink from the burning, ever-fiery stars... I cannot know you, but you know my name... My heart, afire, knows only the pain... Flakes of ashes falling on me, you know my heart, you know my pain... 'Til now I cried, dead in my shame...
My story is not something new. I knew there was nowhere to hide. You brought the fire, to my drowning soul; you burned out my lungs, making me whole.
One day I cried, "I know you Lord"; then you decided, to make me yours. I fought that horror, that monster inside; I fought in vain, believing in lies.
I fought to no conscious end, my heart was already dead. You came beside me, before me you fought; that monster lay dead, no longer a thought. I cried to you, my heart black as night; "My child," you said, "it is not your fight." You cradled my head to your Holy breast. You tore out my heart, and laid it to rest. I could not cry, though seared to the bone; my breathe came short...
"I am alone..."
Then there it was, the smallest of lights; I thought you forgave, but you lit the night. And though I was blinded, the light so bright; I saw your face, bringing the fight. I stood up then, your power within; I came to my senses and now I can win! The monster is dead, the old me is gone. Your life-giving water has faithfully planted, the seeds within, my heart filled with gladness. I am a new man, my story begins; I weep now, forever, for the peace that's within.

stare at me, my little flower,
at what shall never be,
but then again, a forest weeps,
to see a paper never meet,
its lovers nest, I said too much.
Likened to my own desire, my heart aflame, my one true flower.
Never, one more time, I shall see the walk, the mourn.
Strut with me, my little flame,
show your heart, and win your fame.
Forever more, and always, shall not be the one to know,
my lovely man-stuck flower sits inside the lover's grove.
And furthermore I cannot say, will never stress, enough
How thorough can be lights, their faded hearts abound,
And never more be fire, but flowers in the ground.

The night is black
The days are gray
The times are hard for us
My people suffer...

My people suffer from their surroundings.
We live in a world that hates us.
Everything here we cannot trust.
We cannot even trust ourselves.

I escaped this horrid place,
I traveled beyond, to the place of the other
My lord was always there
My lord prepared me for the trip as best he could

He told me it would be difficult
And I believed him; for he was my lord,
And he rescued me

He was the first, and the only
My lord was the first to leave
And the only to go back
Our enemies placed us in that horrid prison

They had almost defeated us
But we are strong willed
Our place was not to die from their creation
But to conquer and become stronger from it

My home was a place from which I will always have nightmares
And yet I feel compelled to go back
back to free others
I am free of the horror
But so many more remain in *******

I was an unwilling slave, as are most of my people
We were slaves, not just from hatred
As most of the free would say,
But, as I have discovered, also from love.
Love of family, love of people, but hatred of our enemies, hatred of our home

I will turn this hatred into love
I will return to my home
I will free my people

I am the furnace master
     the pyromaniac
   the keeper of the warm
          inviting flame
         I am the fire, you are my fuel
                The world is my fuel
be not careless, lest the fire consume your mind
                      The flames rule all things
                 They make meaning from nothing
        They are the mover, the pusher, the guider of all
     Try to control it, and it finds a way around you
If it cannot move around you, it moves through you
     If not through you, then it finds a new place to rage
            The flame burns all, though few can see
             The flame is everywhere, no one is safe
               It has surely been in your heart, your soul
           You felt it, And you knew it was there
The flame called you to life, and showed you the path, and you knew
   But knowing how, and doing, are completely different
        All have felt the flame, but not all know of it
Subtlety is the game, straight-forward strength, subtle motion
  Surely all have felt the lovers passion, and the flame of life
     Surely you have felt the flame of hatred, or of hunger  
                                      The fire of anger, of joy, of sorrow
Even those who, like me, spend their lives thinking they rule the flame,
Are only puppets, actually serving it.