If a chance was given,
I wouldn’t waste it.
I’d make you know how beautiful you are.
I’d make you love the little things about yourself.
I’d try my hardest to make you happy,
Even though deep down, I know I can’t.

I only wish
I could have had the power to save you.
Had I not been so caught up in my own depravity,
I would have climbed up that tree,
Picked you up and climbed us down.
So that you wouldn't have made that 6 foot imprint in the ground
And a hole in my heart.

At first,
You only brought me love.
To this love, I was dependent.
Months later,
You brought me anger,
Sadness and vacancy.
I became dependent on this sadness
And also to your love.
I forced you to love me,
And I forced you to hurt me.
Neither seemed to do any good,
So instead of you loving and hurting me,
I broke it down.
Instead of being dependent on your love and hate,
I needed to do one of the two to myself.
I chose hate, because it had always been with me since the start.
This brought me harm, I brought myself harm,
And it was oh, so hard to stop,
But I made it.
I think I’m okay.

I want to wake up to
your body sprawled against my bed,
hugging my pillow
almost as tight as I hug you in your sleep.
I want your warmth to heat me up,
but the coldness of your heart freezes me.
It's funny how things work out,
but all I want is for you to be mine.