I sit on this sensation

And it dwells
And it burns
And it bulges

Inside-wanting- needing
To be ripped open

Pushed against
Quaking with sensation

What’s wrong? Whats right?
We do it all

Because behind closed eyelids I'm not her anymore.

I bite I claw I bleed for you

You are my addiction
Slow and fast
Caught up with denial for too long

Wanting to be defiled and unmasked not unsure

Wanting your scars
Your body

Moving, mounting

Bony, bumpy

Imperfect and perfection in my hips

Now sold, spent, rising

Up.

Up.

Until you and I are more than human

We are Gods reaching together from the dregs of our carcasses

Dying and dusty
Skipping beats
Screaming for the moment

Of Euphoria

Coming into your arms

Drifting away and down to Earth

Finally done with this monster
The blood curling screech of pain
And angst
Wanted
Needed

Take me and I will take all you have to give

You are the perfect drug.

And you parachuted your way into my life
Bringing uncertainty and sensation.
Made me feel emotions people start wars in their hearts over.
Then teleported away.

His shoulders droop down and his skin is dark.
I snake my tongue through his insecurities and blink twice as I try to stop the emotion from spreading across my face.

But he already knows.

Oh, he can see it underneath my shell.

Water wells in my eyes and I close them to shut out the pigmentation of his irises.
I drape my bare white skin across his palate tongue as he spreads color across my thighs;
a blank canvas waiting to be filled.

Each movement of my hips shatters my plans of detachment.
Bringing me closer to his cliff.

This world is full of distance.
It puts cracks in skulls,
hearts
and plans.
Puts cold numbers on the pavement.
I could run the miles as my heart beats faster.
Skipping through the bad parts to get to the new.
Guess I had to leave you a few miles back…
The world is full of distance.
And now you’re far behind.

i loudly munch my carrots and watch all the people bustle by.
rushing toward the same things.
im nearly hidden and i blend right in.
i guess this is what finding yourself is like.
admitting your humanness
realizing its not all easy
and you are not ready
until you already have grown and changed while you weren't watching.
the sun hits all your leaves and changes their color. some faster than others.
but don't worry.
the sun always comes.

I’d **** the marrow straight from you

And pull myself through your roots

Id wish you luck along the way

yet all i feel is jealousy skipping through my ridges; repeating like a record.

Guess I’m not quite ready to feel the real sun you have felt.

My sunlight has all been artificial and dull with the lack words we exchanged while we sat and made small talk about all the places I haven’t been.

There is a sickness that is swarming the people.
A sickness I don’t understand.

A willingness to **** one another
with a weapon or our bare hands.

They will pull out the strings of our humanness.
Hate and confusion pumps through our blood.

Money and greed seem to guide us.
It feels wrong but no one says a word.


There is a sadness that won’t leave my soul.
A sadness I don’t understand.

A inability to find what I’m looking for.
And for that I will search all the land.

I will pull at the strings of my humanness
Inherited failure will not stand

I will demand the things from myself I am lacking
and with enlightenment,

I  will better understand.

If I push forward
will i fall out the other side?

A portal to the future
where everything is more bright with florescent lighting and cold linoleum floors to fall on.

If i stick my hands through the mirror
each shard bypassed; easily now
then the universe tilts and i am suspended in time.

Falling softly into my future self,
gripping onto what i only know to be true.

Biting the fleshy bits of my lips
as i censor these tiny screams of frustration…

Its okay to let them echo.

No one can hear them except me.

I’ll make a plant of my soul.
Dig my roots deep down.
Snake my supple green foliage into your ground and sleep until I’m reborn again.
Out of this winters cold into spring.
Frost bitten but alive.
Large and plentiful my leaves shake with the wind.

I miss the sound of your music.
It plays sometimes, like it once did to my soul.
when the summer nights seemed never ending
discovering the imperfections and curves of your body
a little more each day
This space in my head, where i still remember the hope and happiness i had.
How stupid that was.
I was so ready to let you in.
I miss the sound of your voice
when it was sweet and promising
when it was naive and full of opinions
i had never fathomed.

You were my best friend that summer.
We were a pair swimming through the chlorine pool:
youthful,
full of questions....lacking the bitterness and regret i feel now.
I miss the sound of your snores.
Every dream i had lying next to you
waiting for your eyes to flicker awake again
to tell me more of your stories and plans,
to share parts of ourselves...that i thought was infinite.

I tried to live my life unchained.
And who's to blame for my mistakes now?
I should have never left the safety of my own head.
Should have never let you inside me
****** and warm with my finger nails running down your back
caressing your hips
That was our home for a while
Fitting together like puzzle pieces
I believed you were shaped differently
What a let beautiful down!
All bouncy and curly,
warm and inviting
All words and no actions.
I think i will put the collar back on now.
To protect me.
I won't leave this place for anything.
Its my safe space
until another elusive smile comes along to lure me out again...into the danger zone.

I would tie together my chest bones
ribs set high in the arc of my back.
tied with care
my insides
into bows

where i can easily manger to breathe through all the pain

I would turn my bones into dust
My thoughts ghost in the air
pitter pattering across recall in my mind

Urges
Set high up in the arc of my back.
Like angels wings
tied on with care
into hope for flight

where i can easily see my destination through all this haze.