If I push forward
will i fall out the other side?

A portal to the future
where everything is more bright with florescent lighting and cold linoleum floors to fall on.

If i stick my hands through the mirror
each shard bypassed; easily now
then the universe tilts and i am suspended in time.

Falling softly into my future self,
gripping onto what i only know to be true.

Biting the fleshy bits of my lips
as i censor these tiny screams of frustration…

Its okay to let them echo.

No one can hear them except me.

I’ll make a plant of my soul.
Dig my roots deep down.
Snake my supple green foliage into your ground and sleep until I’m reborn again.
Out of this winters cold into spring.
Frost bitten but alive.
Large and plentiful my leaves shake with the wind.

I miss the sound of your music.
It plays sometimes, like it once did to my soul.
when the summer nights seemed never ending
discovering the imperfections and curves of your body
a little more each day
This space in my head, where i still remember the hope and happiness i had.
How stupid that was.
I was so ready to let you in.
I miss the sound of your voice
when it was sweet and promising
when it was naive and full of opinions
i had never fathomed.

You were my best friend that summer.
We were a pair swimming through the chlorine pool:
youthful,
full of questions....lacking the bitterness and regret i feel now.
I miss the sound of your snores.
Every dream i had lying next to you
waiting for your eyes to flicker awake again
to tell me more of your stories and plans,
to share parts of ourselves...that i thought was infinite.

I tried to live my life unchained.
And who's to blame for my mistakes now?
I should have never left the safety of my own head.
Should have never let you inside me
****** and warm with my finger nails running down your back
caressing your hips
That was our home for a while
Fitting together like puzzle pieces
I believed you were shaped differently
What a let beautiful down!
All bouncy and curly,
warm and inviting
All words and no actions.
I think i will put the collar back on now.
To protect me.
I won't leave this place for anything.
Its my safe space
until another elusive smile comes along to lure me out again...into the danger zone.

I would tie together my chest bones
ribs set high in the arc of my back.
tied with care
my insides
into bows

where i can easily manger to breathe through all the pain

I would turn my bones into dust
My thoughts ghost in the air
pitter pattering across recall in my mind

Urges
Set high up in the arc of my back.
Like angels wings
tied on with care
into hope for flight

where i can easily see my destination through all this haze.