Newlyweds honeymooning
on dreamy secluded islands
in lush tropical climes
a manifestation
of an unconscious desire
to return to their pre-fall Edenic state
to be Adam and Eve
joyfully frolicking ****
in a warm, wet,
earthy, green paradise
for all time

They believe their provocations
will carry no consequences
But we are watching from the shadows
anxious and hungry

Think of all
that must yet be done
to destroy the Beast
The thousand points of light
that must yet be extinguished
Time is not on our side

You say you love Christ
you look the part
but if I were Him babe
I'd rather fill the grave
than your heart

You think I'll keep you
because you're so fine
but there's nothing finer
than just me and mine

Naïve
you welcome death
into your home
Reckless obeisance
to the better angels of your nature
will get the better of you

After everything
I've overcome
you're the only war
I haven't won
It'll be death
before I'm done

I remember
having you here
admiring the hourglass of your body
as you showered
your porcelain skin
stark against the black marble
glittering water
running through your dark hair
like my fingers
over your shoulders
down your spine
between your buttocks
to the soft place underneath
where I'd just been

I remember

You taught me
the most effective disguise
for a treacherous beast
is beauty

Push away the desire
to open your mind to it
ignore convictions held
congregate with the ******
swallow poison
breathe noxiousness
feast your eyes
upon modern perversions
indulge the flesh
dampen your fire
dull your edge
pacify yourself
become another drone
enslaved by the freedom
to enjoy vice

There's a messy pink and orange glow outside
as the sun fades
I'm faded inside
A mess of smoke
whiskey
and ennui

How long does this last

I'm not the one for you
and you're not the one for me
or anyone else
The soul mate is a myth
poisoning the minds
of good men who are too easily led astray
by romantic notions
too easily convinced to abandon
grand aspirations
Not me
I won't end up broke
homeless
cuckolded
at the hands of some petulant woman
who couldn't have enough
Not me
I've come too far
climbing out of this hole
to fall deeper yet
into yours
I'll enjoy your affections
while they last
but I'm not the one
Not me

I'm a patient devil
it's been years
since my malignant gaze
first fell upon you
years
that were spent honing my edge
breathing smoke
drinking fire
waiting for time to cross our paths
more meaningfully
wading through waves
of temporary lovers
until now
I've reached the shore
on the other side
finally
I've reached
you
sharp
with intentions
both pure and impure
I won't let you slip from my grasp
easily
I've waited too long
I require recompense of some sort
for biding my time
so well
if this won't last
I want to be sure
I want to leave it beaten
and bloodied
on the ground behind us
if our roads diverge again
so let's sink our teeth in
our nails
let's be sure

I stare out the front window
The sun sinks in orange at the end of West Perry
I can feel the nervous hum of your existence
across the few miles of highway between us
I feel you wondering
feel you planning yet another too busy week as you eat dinner
feel you planning to take a long run around town later tonight
You need to improve your pace
and clear your mind
You're unsure of me
and the dark place behind my eyes
that deep blue-gray sea
but you're curious
you want to hold me in your hands
and figure it all out
You want my thoughts
You want my very essence
to shape it like clay
then toss it aside
and move on to the next one
you have in mind
but you'll never catch it
No matter how fast your feet
and those lovely thighs
carry you towards it
runner girl
you'll never catch it

Today a girl told me
she had a dream about marrying me
I told her
there are two dreams there
not one

She said "I need a good man
but I can't find one anywhere"
I'd tell her where they hide
if I thought I'd see her there

Making a bed
of hopes and horizons
A place to lay down my head
when my sun stops arising

I wish there were something
won't be back past tonight
others don't smile like you
made me look twice
I'd give you the world
instead of a silent goodbye
but this won't last anyway
love is a lie

I don't go out of the house much anymore
If I do it's for work or food
or a walk with the dog
maybe through the woods
Just not for people
I've grown tired
of looking into their eyes
of seeing how they look at you
sizing you up
deciding what little box
to stuff you into
before moving on by
The eyes can tell you
in the space of a second or two
if a person's heart's in the right place
if they want something good for the world
or just for themselves
So I don't go out much anymore
I've learned that most others
just can't see past their own worlds

I look into your brown eyes
past your tight-lipped smile
and see a growing hardness
below the surface
You can't hide something
from someone who's already found it
You're just tired of being alone
and God knows I am too
but I'd rather sleep that way
than with you

If you're honest
you'll admit
you already have
everything you really need
and you've had it for a long while
Everything else
is just **** you desire
out of vanity
**** you've convinced yourself
to need
You know it
we all do
yet for some strange reason
we just can't get comfortable with the idea
that we can be happy
with so little

What I see in the way
the colors of the dawn
are reflected by the dew
I saw fleetingly
in her eyes once too

Another autumn's
here to bear
reminding me
of the impermanence
of things

Dying flowers
dying leaves
dying you
dying me
dying all
that'll ever be

I get so tired
of being alone
I know that's something
I should never admit to you
so I never will
directly

Show me your smile
and I'll show you something to die for

No matter how small
you find yourself feeling
you'll always be something big to me

Darling tell me more about
how you feel so safe and free
to just be you around me

It seems these days
I've grown past emotions
at least the passionate ones
I'm just here
expressionless face
biding my time in this world
seeing what
I can get my hands into
Seeing how big
of a mess I can make

It wasn't a real kiss
It was a test of your character
Go home to your man

You were easy to fall in love with
like a good red wine
or Swiss green absinthe
Intoxicated on you
I made a fool of myself
in front of everyone
After my sickness cleared
I was saddened to see you
for what you really are
You're a poison
just an elegant one

I want to see you again
I want to hold you again
feel your warmth
and hear you say you like my mind
and how big my hands are
and how the scent of my cologne
mingles with the tobacco
and **** smoke on my skin
The nights are just so lonely anymore
The days are even lonelier
full of what ifs and
me letting myself down
I stare out the window every evening
as the light of our yellow star
fades in the west
wondering about you
and the future
and death

"I'm a better man now
I've changed for the better"
he says
But, the paths we take
to becoming better people
are littered with broken promises
wasted opportunities
slighted hearts
forgotten dreams
disregarded feelings and needs
and tears spilled out of pain
that we've either felt or caused
We act as if they're cigarette butts
or food wrappers
or newspapers
we've dropped along the way
never forgotten,
but thought little of
I often wonder
how much trash a man can leave
on the side of the road behind him
before he's no longer entitled
to receive approval of his clean conscience
from those who know him
in the place where he is
and from those who will know him
in the places he's going to

A good bottle
of red wine
gets me
every time

I've always been
pretty melancholy
It's not hard to see it in my eyes
I've been that way my whole life
You might not think they're good ones
but I have my reasons
My parents divorced when I was very young
But I wasn't old enough to understand what that meant at the time
That couldn't really **** me up on its own
It led to a controlling stepfather though
who was always quick to put his hands on my face
whenever I said or did something he didn't like
as I was growing up
It also led to a stepsister
a daughter of my stepmother's
who was quick to do things
that I'll leave to your imagination
rather than talking about explicitly
And my Dad was an angry man
He threw things
Knives salt shakers you name it
It was always frightening to see
such displays of something that was in my blood
Don't get me wrong
I had a decent childhood overall
despite the ******* at two homes
and being ****** with at school for being fat
My adult life has been much better
I lost all the weight
I've had pretty girls
probably more of them than I deserve
I've been in jail
and on top of mountains
I've gotten drunk with my friends
and we've done drugs a few times
Okay lots of times
I like my **** just like my Dad
and I like my whiskey just like his Dad
It's in the blood
So I've had fun
I've had moments of bright yellow laughter
in between rose pink kisses
Bursts of joy
fresh and spring green
Dark red bouts of passion
tender ones in beds
and hard ones with fists
Fleeting silvery embraces of grief
Episodes of orange boisterousness
Soft cerulean calmnesses and peace
But all of these colors
are just random brush strokes and splatters
added to a canvas that was first entirely covered
with the deepest most aching shade of violet
immediately after being placed upon the easel
Someday maybe the violet won't show through to others
I'll always know it's there

Men like me
don't get the girl
We're too real
too honest
free
wild
untamable
Beautiful women do grace my hands
from time to time
but they don't stay
Not the way hammers
or axes
or rifles do
Those are always true
And you know if you miss your mark
or don't split the wood right
or bend a nail
it's no one's fault but your own
You correct what you did wrong
and move on
They forgive
No biggie
But with women you're always guessing
Was it me or her this time
And if it was you
you can't just fix it and go on with your life
No
They hold that **** against you
You have to eviscerate yourself
with the sword of apology
not once but many times
Put your guts on display
hold them above your head
yell to the heavens
throw them on the ground
jump up and down on them
and swear over and over
that you'll never be wrong again
Promise you'll be perfect from then on out
even though you know it's a lie
See, that's another thing about women
they say the only things they want in a man
are honesty
respect
and loyalty but
I know that's not true
Women don't want real honesty
Honesty is cold and unbiased
like a gun
and if it's pointed at them
they don't much like it
They just want you to tell them
what they wanna hear
to lie and make them believe it's the truth
They don't want real respect
They just want you to capitulate
To kiss their ***
and catch their ****
preferably both at once,
and even if they don't deserve it
And when women say they want loyalty
they don't just mean that
they don't want you ******* other chicks
they also mean they want you to be loyal
to the fake man they turn you into
and forget about being loyal
to who you really are
They want you to cut your ***** off
and hand them over
And that I can't do
If women wanted men
who were truly true loyal and respectful
I'd have married years ago
instead of leaving women
who lie about ******* other men
instead of leaving women
who choose to abort my child
instead of leaving women
who are fickle beasts
doting on me at first
then gnashing their teeth
once a little bit of time sets in
once I don't pretend to be
what I'm not just for them
once I show I'm not gonna be a slave
to that black hole between their legs
I have no problem
finding other eyes to gaze into
other smiles to admire
other hair to play with
other hands to hold
other warmth to sink into
even if only temporarily.
I feel no need
to let a woman exercise
some need to control me.
I've never had a problem
with walking away
I just keep on as a sunny day
that they can't wish into a stormy one
That's why men like me
don't get the girl
We're *******
because we're honest
We don't lie, not even to please
We'll always be the same
We love to live and be free
to go get our hands ***** out in the world
We can't give a woman
all of our time and identity
Those are two things we need to keep for ourselves
in addition to their love
We won't be whipped
so they go looking for boys who can be
And we just continue doing what we do
until we find those rare women
who can be free and real with us
who know that we're like hammers
axes
and rifles
and know that if they're true with us
we'll always be true for them

There's this woman
She has these large loopy curls
in her long chestnut hair
Big, brown eyes
The most perfect smile
She makes me laugh
I like her
And I've noticed that it seems to snow or rain
almost every time I see her
I'm not supposed to be talking to her
according to some kind of code about ex-lovers
that I've been told exists
between men who've drank together
But every now and then I go to her house at night
and we **** as hard and as wet
as the concrete I travel across to get there
I put my soft lips on hers
and my calloused palms on her *******
and my fingers in the dark between her legs
Midnight flower
She puts her pretty lips on my neck
and trails off to other regions.
I let her
smiling
laughing in my mind
I'd say I'm sorry you blew it pal
but I don't wanna lie

Let's spread my wool blanket out on the local hill.
We'll lie there, intertwined, and watch
as the noisy sun melts colorfully into the horizon,
slowly yielding to the advancing shadow of night
and the quiet glow of the moon and stars,
the same way I melt beneath your soft kisses
and wandering hands,
and yield to the warmth between your thighs.

Darling
as our sinking sun sets the day ablaze
with violet
orange
and pink flames
my love is a hopeful bluebird
flying home against strong
newly prevailing winds of cold indifference
Weariness dulls its wings
and sharp realization soon follows
it shall have to abandon the nest it has built
inside the dark hollow of your heart

What once was a verdant field
carrying bright wildflowers
and soft birdsong
under brilliant blue sky
now lies dead and cold
beneath swollen grey clouds
and blank snow
I've grown tired
I've lost my passion
to fight through this cruel winter
not even for such joyous memories of these lands
I place my steel
upon the frozen ground
and peacefully retreat
leaving you to a civil war
of black white brown and grey
while I pray wish and hope
that green blue pink and yellow
will one day return to your soul

There's so much I could say to you,
if only my mouth and my lungs
would work against my brain.
You'd know everything
I've ever been sorry for.
Everything I've ever been wrong for.
I'm talking about you.
I'll always be here
to tell you how it's such a shame
that you are who you are
and that I'll always love who you'll never be.

I still remember all the days
we spent together,
soaked in sunshine haze.
Amongst carefully hidden secrets,
we made promises of rings.
But, promises, like hearts,
are easily broken things.

No matter how far
or long we're apart,
I'll always bear the stain
of you on my heart.

I open my eyes upon waking
and feel the morning sunlight greet them
with the promise of countless possibilities.
I pause in the mirror
as I clean the sleep from my teeth
and study the fine lines the years are slowly giving me.
I sip hot coffee
and feel winter's cold air on my face
as I let the dog out into the fresh, white snow.
I put on flannel and denim,
and my right hand anticipates the feeling
of my hammer's leather handle in its palm.
I walk out the door,
and give thanks for the opportunity
to experience my piece of this world once more.

I stir cream and sugar
into black coffee
just like the warm coffee
stirs my soul.

Like golden sunlight
passing through the delicate green leaves of a tree,
your radiance nourishes me.
Your soft, purposeful touch warms my cool heart.
I feel my spirit blossom, and I stretch out my earthly arms,
welcoming the heavenly blessing that is you.

I could not make love to a woman,
no matter how pleasing to my easy eyes,
who possesses a scowling soul of no depth,
a sour heart containing no eagerness to love this world,
or a dark mind shut to wonder, light, and beauty.

I want to make love to life with you
just as we have made love to each other.
I want to travel across the open plains to be by your side,
just as my fingers have journeyed softly across your flat belly.
Let us run to one another,
and then to the snow-topped mountains.
We will climb up to the peaks of them
and look out towards the sea,
just as we have looked into each others' eyes,
and understood each others' souls there,
and seen the oceans there of all that could be.
Just as we did with each other,
when we once were unfamiliar,
we can explore foreign lands
of strange faces, languages, and ways;
fall deeply in love with them;
grow to be intimate with them;
and then feel a sweet sadness whenever we part from them.
And, like the phases our love goes through,
we will experience seasons of both warmth and coldness
as we adventure through places of both joy and despair.
Can we bathe together, naked, in salty water, and fresh?
Shower, embracing, under soft waterfalls in humid climes?
Feel a last gasp of coarse wind between our fingers
as we walk down wintry city streets and they come close to intertwine?
Breathe autumnal forest air through our noses as we kiss
and a campfire graces us with its perfume?
Leave imprints in the soft grass
as we lie upon our backs in it at night,
looking at the bright stars with equally bright eyes
and feel them in our spirits,
as we do each other,
and then fall asleep there
until the blush of sunrise awakens us?
Can we?
My dear, my arms may be empty
since you have departed from here,
but my heart is full.
Full to bursting wide open
with appreciation of the possibilities
and a hope that beautiful dreams like this
shall one day come to pass for us,
and then we will make love to the world, together,
as we have made love to each other.

Love, I see the infinite universe
in all that you are:
trillions of planets
that circle the billions of stars
among icy, white comets,
and dark, grey moons;
Nebulae, supernovae
and all their gorgeous hues;
the greens, the pinks,
the violet, orange, and blue,
in the multitude of galaxies
through outer space strewn.
Your immense gravity
draws me to you.
Darling, some might say
God's greatest work of art
is this awesome place,
but it's you and your heart.
With divine purpose,
He exploded countless stars,
eons ago,
which formed the earth where we are,
then molded you one day,
His most magnificent sculpture,
from its willing clay.
His most impressive painting:
the landscapes of your body
and soft colors brushed upon.
His most majestic song:
your enchanting voice and laugh
for which my damaged ears long.
You're the most intricate symphony;
the grandest, most striking tune
played upon the infinitesimal strings
He used to create you.

Love, just like the infinite universe,
no words can adequately describe
your vast beauty, it can only be understood
in the soul and not the mind.

It's cold, and I wish
my gloves were her hands.
Her love is the best
love in the land.

(Don't worry,
you've almost got this
all figured out.)

God, please give me
enough time.

Life is like
a book that I'm writing,
and I want it to be the most beautiful story
when I'm finished.

What do I want to happen next?

There's nothing left for me
in this town.
Nothing to left to do
but drown
in hopelessness
and thoughts of you.

I know what I have to do.

Give me wings, I'll fly away
into a blood red setting sun
and wake up in a better place
beyond the horizon.
Away from all the fear and doubt
and all the things I've said and done;
far from sadness, hurt, and wars
with demons that I haven't won;
I'll find a peace I've never known,
something from which I'll never run.
Just give me wings, I'll fly into
that blood red setting sun.