You were easy to fall in love with
like a good red wine
or Swiss green absinthe
Intoxicated on you
I made a fool of myself
in front of everyone
After my sickness cleared
I was saddened to see you
for what you really are
You're a poison
just an elegant one

I want to see you again
I want to hold you again
feel your warmth
and hear you say you like my mind
and how big my hands are
and how the scent of my cologne
mingles with the tobacco
and **** smoke on my skin
The nights are just so lonely anymore
The days are even lonelier
full of what ifs and
me letting myself down
I stare out the window every evening
as the light of our yellow star
fades in the west
wondering about you
and the future
and death

"I'm a better man now
I've changed for the better"
he says
But, the paths we take
to becoming better people
are littered with broken promises
wasted opportunities
slighted hearts
forgotten dreams
disregarded feelings and needs
and tears spilled out of pain
that we've either felt or caused
We act as if they're cigarette butts
or food wrappers
or newspapers
we've dropped along the way
never forgotten,
but thought little of
I often wonder
how much trash a man can leave
on the side of the road behind him
before he's no longer entitled
to receive approval of his clean conscience
from those who know him
in the place where he is
and from those who will know him
in the places he's going to

A good bottle
of red wine
gets me
every time

I've always been
pretty melancholy
It's not hard to see it in my eyes
I've been that way my whole life
You might not think they're good ones
but I have my reasons
My parents divorced when I was very young
But I wasn't old enough to understand what that meant at the time
That couldn't really **** me up on its own
It led to a controlling stepfather though
who was always quick to put his hands on my face
whenever I said or did something he didn't like
as I was growing up
It also led to a stepsister
a daughter of my stepmother's
who was quick to do things
that I'll leave to your imagination
rather than talking about explicitly
And my Dad was an angry man
He threw things
Knives salt shakers you name it
It was always frightening to see
such displays of something that was in my blood
Don't get me wrong
I had a decent childhood overall
despite the ******* at two homes
and being ****** with at school for being fat
My adult life has been much better
I lost all the weight
I've had pretty girls
probably more of them than I deserve
I've been in jail
and on top of mountains
I've gotten drunk with my friends
and we've done drugs a few times
Okay lots of times
I like my **** just like my Dad
and I like my whiskey just like his Dad
It's in the blood
So I've had fun
I've had moments of bright yellow laughter
in between rose pink kisses
Bursts of joy
fresh and spring green
Dark red bouts of passion
tender ones in beds
and hard ones with fists
Fleeting silvery embraces of grief
Episodes of orange boisterousness
Soft cerulean calmnesses and peace
But all of these colors
are just random brush strokes and splatters
added to a canvas that was first entirely covered
with the deepest most aching shade of violet
immediately after being placed upon the easel
Someday maybe the violet won't show through to others
I'll always know it's there

Men like me
don't get the girl
We're too real
too honest
free
wild
untamable
Beautiful women do grace my hands
from time to time
but they don't stay
Not the way hammers
or axes
or rifles do
Those are always true
And you know if you miss your mark
or don't split the wood right
or bend a nail
it's no one's fault but your own
You correct what you did wrong
and move on
They forgive
No biggie
But with women you're always guessing
Was it me or her this time
And if it was you
you can't just fix it and go on with your life
No
They hold that **** against you
You have to eviscerate yourself
with the sword of apology
not once but many times
Put your guts on display
hold them above your head
yell to the heavens
throw them on the ground
jump up and down on them
and swear over and over
that you'll never be wrong again
Promise you'll be perfect from then on out
even though you know it's a lie
See, that's another thing about women
they say the only things they want in a man
are honesty
respect
and loyalty but
I know that's not true
Women don't want real honesty
Honesty is cold and unbiased
like a gun
and if it's pointed at them
they don't much like it
They just want you to tell them
what they wanna hear
to lie and make them believe it's the truth
They don't want real respect
They just want you to capitulate
To kiss their ***
and catch their ****
preferably both at once,
and even if they don't deserve it
And when women say they want loyalty
they don't just mean that
they don't want you ******* other chicks
they also mean they want you to be loyal
to the fake man they turn you into
and forget about being loyal
to who you really are
They want you to cut your ***** off
and hand them over
And that I can't do
If women wanted men
who were truly true loyal and respectful
I'd have married years ago
instead of leaving women
who lie about ******* other men
instead of leaving women
who choose to abort my child
instead of leaving women
who are fickle beasts
doting on me at first
then gnashing their teeth
once a little bit of time sets in
once I don't pretend to be
what I'm not just for them
once I show I'm not gonna be a slave
to that black hole between their legs
I have no problem
finding other eyes to gaze into
other smiles to admire
other hair to play with
other hands to hold
other warmth to sink into
even if only temporarily.
I feel no need
to let a woman exercise
some need to control me.
I've never had a problem
with walking away
I just keep on as a sunny day
that they can't wish into a stormy one
That's why men like me
don't get the girl
We're *******
because we're honest
We don't lie, not even to please
We'll always be the same
We love to live and be free
to go get our hands ***** out in the world
We can't give a woman
all of our time and identity
Those are two things we need to keep for ourselves
in addition to their love
We won't be whipped
so they go looking for boys who can be
And we just continue doing what we do
until we find those rare women
who can be free and real with us
who know that we're like hammers
axes
and rifles
and know that if they're true with us
we'll always be true for them

There's this woman
She has these large loopy curls
in her long chestnut hair
Big, brown eyes
The most perfect smile
She makes me laugh
I like her
And I've noticed that it seems to snow or rain
almost every time I see her
I'm not supposed to be talking to her
according to some kind of code about ex-lovers
that I've been told exists
between men who've drank together
But every now and then I go to her house at night
and we **** as hard and as wet
as the concrete I travel across to get there
I put my soft lips on hers
and my calloused palms on her *******
and my fingers in the dark between her legs
Midnight flower
She puts her pretty lips on my neck
and trails off to other regions.
I let her
smiling
laughing in my mind
I'd say I'm sorry you blew it pal
but I don't wanna lie