maybe youre in the sky
or maybe youre in the dust
but wherever youll be
you always have my love

I saw you shaking laying there
I put my head on you and whisper in your ear
But at this point I just hope
You know Im there

in a flash I have you
With your head in my hands
on a doctor office bench
shaking, confused, dizzy, scared, tense
not knowing where you are
and i cant comprehend



then i felt your neck relax
i knew what it meant
no turning back
what should have been relief
was a panic attack

and the stethoscope said
i will never get you back

i love you; im so sorry
fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck if this is for the best do it to me too

I have no one to play too
So I'll sing to the moon  
She comes out slowly  
But has a smile
When the clock shows opposite noon  

I know she can't stay
It's like a cruelty
Fades away slow  
Almost like she's mocking me  

Before time to think  
Got sun in my eyes  
Know this feeling well  
Time to close the blinds  

Look up numbers on a list I keep  
All disconnected,  busy or " answer after the beep "  

With nothing to say
Can't get to sleep
And a need to speak  
Let's see what I can get in
Before the second beep  

Half way between silence and cacophony  
Empty my mind into a machine  
Set for automatic delete
And that's the last they would've heard from me  

Cause I have no one to play too
So I'll sing to the moon
I better start now  
She'll be gone again soon

Good luck to all and everyone here
Because reaching for the stars was never quite clear
No title or description, just a three word mission

More like a word of advice
"Don't get hurt" and watch yourself slide
Everything I got show over your head
Going to look for it may render you dead

So just keep right there sitting
With that blank look on your face
Like someone somewhere will help
You finish the race

And all I can say is God speed
And God bless and watch out for that hallow design
When you tread with heavy feet,
Mind the signs

"Watch your step" "thin ice" "There's a bump in the road"
All put up to help you get where you need to go

But those thoughts weigh more
Then you were expecting to believe
And you'll never make up the ground
You don't even have a place to stand

No little place to call your own
No place to warm your feet
Or lift you off of the street
Or give you a pause to call it home

Just a "Do me one better" and a
"forgive her or forget her"
Or a cross over the heart and
A promise from the blind
That you'll get your wits back in due time
And keep the things the way they aught to be

This status quo **** so quickly taught to me,
Talking too fast to have time to disagree
So I'll just stay here with the ink left in my pen
Let it bleed out with the stories that it wants to send

I'll open up- Read the lines behind the black, poured out like that.
Because I'm manic in a moment
A loose cannon you might say
One brick shy and two minutes too late

Tastelessly obsessed with a new kind of mess
Tangled up, twisted and lost in total direst
Blank minded thoughts and directionless flaunts
Point me the way back to the west

New aged grooves are the next big thing
Too poor-a boy to buy my baby a diamond ring
So I'll just sit here to pass the time
Write my stories to explain the rhyme

The situation to fill up my gut with complication
A matter of patience, prefaced with-
I do not possess
A position of authority dealt to me with a weighted deck

The house rules say I'm no winner today
Let me know my place
When they empty my pockets with gestures of graciousness

Leave me empty handed, empty headed
Empty belly and empty soul
Urging to come back for the next roll

A heart filled with a new world consciousness
Sinking my drinks for a two minute connection
Lucky as a new star in the sky
I'll keep my distance as I watch you shine

From so far away it only seems OK
When I couldn't make out the blood stain
In the corner of your eye

That for so long you stumbled upon a new kind of credit
Relax and you'll forget it
So you keep it tense,
And full of drama

Backing it up and keep it caught
Loosen your grip and it will slip
From the corner it is barred in

Trapped, Backed to the point, inverted totalerian
Sub terrain, below the grid where we once played the game
There are a thousand little things
All mixed together
One on top of one on top of one on top of the other

Belief in God
Hate for your father
Knowledge of love
Talking to your brother
Failed business plans
Failed to your mother
Finishes gone aerie
And deprivation of air

Going belly up
Digging threw the junk
That made your life something,
Or more then a nameless lump

I lost track of everything I wasn't going to write
Upon my decision not to
So without a clue and with a severe lack of consensual thought
Between my brain and my mouth
I begin to spill my heart to you

On your shoulder I slosh my vows and beg of you
Believe darling, believe me too

If I try I can count the tears in your eyes
Watching them fall makes me want to scream
but shutting my eyes hurts even more
so I can only watch them stream and begin to tell you my lore.

I told you I feel like the ****** bullet in your side
The wound hurts and the blood stains
But you are to embarrassed to call the surgeon
And your nervous fingers won't let it heal.

You told me I was crazy without a doubt
The one thing you could know for sure

And that whatever I know is wrong
and who I found inside myself was only there to fill the space.

I said to you that 'empty hurt' was filled
When I saw you smile at me from across the street
It's and you're gone, now too
But I still love you.

After that you swore you were fine
But your heart was screaming it was a lie
I heard it loud and clear, I can't fight.

I'm sobbing
Not here, not on the outside
But I'm filling up with tears
I tried to tell you that
But every time I opened my mouth
The tears would threaten to come out
so I swallowed hard and turned my head.

I wanted nothing more then to fall back on your bed
With your head next to mine on a pillow
I almost did.

I was tracing the stars with my eyes out the window
Just to keep out of the conversation
I knew we were about to start
I lost track of what was happening after about 20 seconds.

I nearly was asleep
But the silent scream between the two of us
Was too much to bare on a sleeping self.

Mixed up, I finally lied myself down
Utterly confused beyond comprehension
I looked up at your eyes still starry and smiled
I couldn't resist.
When I forget why I'm crying
I just can't help but laugh.

I only wonder if you remembered why you were
And I quickly got an answer back.

Mildly cautious you returned my grin with a wisp of your own
Now I can see me cheeky smile in the reflection of your eyes
And one more staring right back at me.

We both felt bad about smiling
And did our darndest to suppress it
But that made it obviously worse.

I heard your brain say **** it
Mine chuckled and invited you down
to the reserved bedside next to me
Your name was written all over it.

Without a second thought you were there
And the smiles jumped between us
As we blinked the rest of that hour away.

Even with my eyes closed I could still see you in all clarity
The faint line of concern
sliding across your forehead from time to time
As I stop breathing.

Ah ha! We think it together
At least we both recalled…

I'm truly sorry, I didn't want to be right
I could just tell from the beginning
I could die tonight.

But it will be OK
I love you dearly and all I can say
Is the last words on my lips
Will be printed upon me for all to read
I'm glad my love for you is now there to see.

Talk to you soon
When the medicine fades
No point in trying now
When you can't remember your name
And even if you could
It's too hard to keep straight
While I'm weaving through your lies

So call me in the morning
When you can use the phone again
If nobody answers
Then there's no one home and when
I get your message
Then I'll run right back out again
To look into your eyes

Cause I'd never leave you alone
Hanging on the phone
On a line to home
Left with out a bite

I wake up in the morning
To the same old sound
Alarm clock by my bed
And the street out under the clouds
But today's a little different
Cause I can hear the sounds
Of the rain out on my roof

So I walk out on the street
Where the crowd has been
Find an empty seat
At the bus station
Sit down to take my place
Among the swirling shouts
On a map with a color code
To find my way out

And the water remains
As I rinse out my stains
That clog the drain
I'll fix it I swear

I have no place to go
But that hasn't stopped me yet
Hiding out in the cars
Of a railroad heading out west
I wouldn't say it's the worst
And it sure ain't the best
But I can still feel my feet
And my heart in my chest

I never had much
I was never endowed
But I have a piece of mind
And a life to be proud
I would say it quietly
But life's just too loud
At least I can still hear myself think

If my thoughts did cease
In a horrible place
Please cover me up
With a blanket of love
Because
I still have a heart beat.

Let me say it this way
But please don't take it like that
I know I lost a lot of respect there
And I want to make it back

Now I know you have your reasons
You know I got mine, too
But reasons don't mean a thing
If no one's willing to take a new view

It's a skill I have yet to master
But I'm trying still
I can't help but notice
You don't got it down yet yourself

So as the theory goes
Next generations will improve
Still upon what I was taught to do
Well I want to prove that to you

I may not seem like much now
I can't promise that's not true
Respect my need to find truth in practice
And give me a while to see it through

Let me fall when I loose my balance
You know failing is one of my talents
I'm not saying go, because I want you to stay
But just lend a hand instead of throwing my balance

I'm not saying it's you, I'm the one who's wandering
I don't know exactly what I'm doing
But I wouldn't say I'm confused
And change doesn't come easy, especially if it's refused