when i opened my eyes,
there was light.
then there was you.
you were my god.
coaxed in your blood,
i let out a strangled cry.
for oh, how beautiful you were
Mother.
your delicate hands lifted me,
the cells you used to create me,
ascending me into the sky.
there was no God, no Father, or Son.
oh, how beautiful you were
Mother.

i want to be so sweet
that every tooth in your mouth cavitates
and hangs from your gums
from a thin-threaded vein.
i want to be so sweet
that the sugar in your blood
spoils and rots your organs
clotting your vessels
and plaquing your bones.
i want to be so sweet that
all the touch and taste you endure in this world
infects every inch of your mind
with the thought of me.
when the thick honeyed glaze
coats your mouth,
and the candied composition fills your lungs;
like a disease i won’t leave,
even when you grow sick and try to throw up
your sweet heart.

my bed is a sanctuary;
an escape to paradise.
my heart is barb-wired
stuck somewhere deep inside.
my mom's voice is a lullaby
my dad's hands are calloused.
the freckles on my face are from
an angel's gentle kiss.

my sister is a mirror,
what she reflects is what i see.
my notes app is a diary
of who i used to be.
my house is quiet;
down a schoolyard, up a hill.
i'm fighting just to breathe,
so i don't understand the thrill.

i am made of stars
and the fire in my hair;
of the strings of my guitar,
and the whispers in the air.
my heart is in a cage,
stuck inside my ribs.
half of me is truth
and half is just a fib.
i’m forming into someone else.
i will not be the same.
i'm scared but i try
to conquer the change.

spritzing a cat will make it hiss.
it will scratch with persistence
and bite, despite resistance.
calloused hands never stop
even when they reach soft skin.
they just continue to hurt you
with tears in their eyes.

sink your teeth inside of me
and **** out everything you need.
until my vein canals are dried of blood,
until i am prune and ragged,
until i am nothing more than skin attached to bone.
take it from me, take it all.
until i am lifeless.
stick to my flesh and never let go.

i want to peel your skin back
and reveal your deepest sweetness.
to look at your veins
and memorize their paths.
maybe then i’d understand
why you are so rough on the outside.
it takes a lot of work,
digging your fingernails into the flesh,
pulling and pulling until you are bare.
but it is all worth it;
to visit your center,
to break past what conceals you,
and take you apart
slice by slice.