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Janet Li Jul 2012
I was lying in bed with him
after we had both come.
In the pitch black, I had to
use my hands to see his face,
trace his
eyes, lips, cheeks, the shape of his head.
We were silent but for our breathing.
His rumbled ever slower
and I knew I had to act
before sleep captured him.

The words were so potent
I could feel them in my mouth,
A heavy weight pressing on my tongue.
I opened my mouth to
spit them out, but
my brain was too powerful
and kept them locked in,
snapped my jaw back into place.
I swallowed as
I felt his breathing deepen.

I held it in as long as I could.
But the force from my pounding heart
won the battle against my brain
and before the defeated could rise to try again,
My mouth burst open on its own
and I heard the words tumble out of my mouth
as clear as the sun.

"I think that maybe I love you."
Janet Li Aug 2010
We were walking.
Walking.
Past glittering bars, past the loud music and laughter and frivolity
of the Saturday night crowd.
Walking, walking
until there were no more lights,
until the bars were tiny, luminous flecks on the other side of the lake,
Like glimmering fireflies frozen on the black horizon.

The lake was a calm ocean,
rimmed with planted trees,
And we raced to embrace one
once the storm started and the skies fell down upon us.

Pouring, pouring,
soaking, drenching, drenched.
I had never been wetter in my life.
We laughed at the absurdity of it all,
the sheer strength of the downpour,
the uselessness of the skinny tree.
We were two fish lost in a feverish typhoon.

He put his arm around me.
By some miracle, his cigarette was still lit,
and we sat there, him smoking,
me breathing,
Listening to God cry,
watching sheets of sky plummet to the earth.

He kissed my shoulder softly,
so soft I thought it was just his breath,
then my cheek.
And there, in rain so thick
we could have both been weeping,
We attacked each other
hungrily,
earnestly,
tasting the salt on each other’s tongues,
Wanting anything and everything of that moment.

The moment passed,
the storm ceased.
I threw his cigarette into the brimming lake.
He took my hand,
still sopping wet, a fish’s fin in disguise,
And we walked back toward the lights
of society.
Based on a real storm.
Janet Li Aug 2012
I hate
depending on someone else
for my personal happiness.

I hate that
I can't fully appreciate the present
because half of me is somewhere else,
half of my heart is with you
because I gave it to you
and I can't fully be happy
when you're not here with me.

I hate
thinking about you all the time
I have my own needs to think about.

I hate
being tied down
to your love
unable to freely explore the rest of the world
to experience other love,
other amazing people.

I am a bird
I have always loved flying solo
but now I have a partner to carry
and I am sad.
Because I believe in freedom. in adventure. in
exploring the unknown.
But I don't even know if I want that anymore.
I would give it all up for you.

Am I not giving up a part of me too?
the part with wings,
with eyes eager to see more
the part of me that so longs to be free.

My heart is torn
between you and me.
Whom do I love more?
Janet Li Aug 2010
The airline refused him for their flight
Despite his being quite polite.
He then attempted to board a train
But was informed he couldn't remain.
He headed for a subway station next
Which at first seemed to be a safe bet,
Until he yelled, “Get out of my way,”
Followed by an impatient neigh,
And everyone around him turned to stare
At the strange creature standing there.
For no one had noticed from afar,
That plain old Jack was in fact a centaur.
8.6.10
Janet Li May 2012
my brain is a pile
of writhing pink earthworms
tangled up like confusing spaghetti,
pressing against every crevice of my skull,

forcing open cracks, burrowing through,
chewing out tissue and
crawling through my orifices
-- eyes, ears, nose, mouth --

here i am
spewing earthworms --
sorry i can't be in class,
i'm busy choking on my own brains.
written during Finals Week.

— The End —