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I remember the
first time I saw you
17-year-old me
was into it
when you looked
right past me

a year and a half later
you acted like a five year old
despite being five years
older than me
and I thought
it was all a joke

four months later
we’re signing a lease
and our friends are
telling us to cool it
on the public affection,
now I am five years old

one year later
I learn that
you’re a violent drunk
with a begging, sobbing attachment
to a woman who had you
lick the dirt from her pumps

and I love you anyway
and I give you all of me
and one year after that
curse you
and cringe at your name
I am
the other woman
mouth full of fire
body of glass
it takes
one insincerity
and I am
sure that you
are disloyal

trust is
a funny thing
like a joke
that I don’t
so when everybody
laughs, I assume
the joke’s on me

and sometimes
I am so stubborn
in my solidarity
that I punish myself
for aching
for you

and you become
the enemy

so I spew heated
words with the
intent to burn

I am
third degree

I am
I am
swollen over you,

carved from glass
over a fire
balmy, flushed,
and exact

my heart is tender
pliable, thick like jam

my heart is in halves
half is with you but
I hope you understand
I still need half
for me
I once took a lover
who ****** like a bulldozer
and treated my *******
like the “A” button on an arcade game
he flexed like a Luchador
and I never saw him cry

There was one
who sounded like morning dew
in spring
when she came
and I wanted to taste
every inch
of her

I loved somebody
with a tire of squish around his belly
and purple scar stripes
like soft, whispered apologies
who counted my tears
while I honestly thought
he was the one
the moon always reminds me of you
it's almost laughable
when I think about what you said to tie your memory
to the moon

and I'm just another
20-something fool whose spent the last five years
crying over those hard hearted *** and runners
who promised "forever"
while they hold another's hand
and I cover my eyes and move my fingers apart
to peek at what's really going on
only to deny it all over again in the morning
craving Jupiter
fingertips to belly swell
pink lips, open mouth
bruise, crush, crumble,

drunk on Saturn
thinning skin until
the hardened fist,
the words bite,

exhausted by Neptune
praying for tenderness
but you
just take, take,
I push,
you shove

and now
we're an ocean apart,

you ignore me
with every bottle

I count flower petals with
your name on them
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