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janel schroth Jul 2013
I look at other people and
I simply miss them,
I miss empathizing with others,
realizing that other people
feel the way I do
But I’m different now,
I used to be like everyone else
with the same opinions
and same behavior
but it’s changed so suddenly

If people knew how I feel,
they would all feel the same about me
             “You should get help”
             “You should talk to somebody”
that’s why I miss them,
they’re all the same.
They all blend in unnoticeably
while I become the attraction at the zoo.
I want to be them again.
janel schroth Jul 2013
chiffon tights on her broken knees
she clings to dear life but she aims to please
she wants nothing more than to be seen
but this is her life, sweet Eveline

this is the world; this is reality
but she's filled her mind with insanity
what's coming to her: she always sees
death is upon her or so she believes

so last night she told me
"goodbye my friend"
"i'm sorry to say this, but
this is the end"

i tried to make her
stay the night
but she ran away,
out of my sight
2013 (c) janel schroth
janel schroth Jul 2013
i'll write a poem for every time i
f
e
l
l

for you

i.
we were on the phone
silence filling the line
until you shoveled through
and asked me
if it was just you
or were we both toothily grinning over each other

that was a trip on the pavement
that resulted in scraped knees

ii.
once again,
i enabled the silence
to pervade through us
that was until you came out with it
y o u ' r e
s a d ,
a r e n ' t
y o u ?


that was a slip off a ladder
that resulted in a sprained ankle and wrist

iii.
i spoke the painstaking truth
of fat and not-good-enoughness
i spoke of pressure and ugliness
and you saw through the flaws
as if they were perfectly normal

that was a freefall off a cliff
that resulted in a comatose state
where i had nothing to live off of
except your love
janel schroth Jul 2013
what is it with you and hurting me?

is it the way i hyperventilate that makes you want me?

is it the way i lay in bed and
sob and
sob and
sob
that makes you want me?

is it the way i force sleeping aids down my throat
that makes you want me?

what is it with you anyways?
janel schroth Jun 2013
i remember watching you dance to a generic pop song
that was about talking *****
you executed the choreography
and you looked like you wanted to be the girl
who wanted naughty sweet nothings whispered in her ear

as i watched you
and saw the masculine sweat dripping down your forehead
i realized how dedicated you were
to doing everything right
even if you didn't want to do it initially

i watched and i secretly hoped
that you knew the choreography
to win me over

i hoped you knew all the turns and jumps
and lifts and pops and locks
that you could easily memorize

and when i looked into your eyes
you performed it
millions of times for me

that is why i love you
janel schroth Jul 2013
i only began by impulse
you took my hand
and guided me through
your darkest fantasies

you begged me to control you
to release you
and i gladly, frantically, hesitantly did

you came undid
under the influence of my naughty words
and i unraveled myself from you
as you rushed through me

afterwards
i wasn't a toy anymore
i became a beauty again
i glowed again
and we entwined our legs
janel schroth Jul 2013
you had already broken me
into thousands of pieces
you said you missed her
and i wanted to flee

i went out of harm's way
to watch harm influence you
and cause you to paint your skin with blood

i told myself that you were no longer worthy
but oh how i ******* missed you
i missed you and wanted you and needed you and yearned for you
and so i came back

i listened to your voice
your oh so persuasive soft clingy needy wonderful voice
you spoke my name
and i felt myself melting into the wooden floors of my bedroom
and slowly i picked up my shattered pieces
and glued them back together

when you said that you wanted us
and not  **her
he's intoxicating
janel schroth Jul 2013
there's something magnificently alluring
about the way you break my heart

how you tell me how much you want to embrace my love
until it looks as if it's about to burst
and how you want to smash your lips against
my cracked lips

although you tell me
i know deep inside me that
you genuinely don't

there's just something about it
that makes me want you more
i don't know how i feel
and i don't even know if i feel anything
janel schroth Jun 2013
i want to be able to immediately list everything i can use to describe you once i see you
but you appear and i go blank
you sweep away the thoughtful dust and the rough dirt
you wash away the bacteria and the confusion
i forget everything
because you
yes, you
you are standing here in front of me
and i am silently waiting around on you
to help me see how to describe you
i wait and i want and i wait and i want
but you don't assist me
in knowing exactly who you are
i want to know you
i want so much from you
i'm sorry for similarly being an expectant parent
but i want more
more and more
from you and your mouth,
your touch and your words
please

— The End —