If I remember correctly,
when you were still
with me,
on that day
when you gave me fifty

When you said,
"It's for your future"

The day I
simply said,
"goodbye"

That night
when I was
laughing

not
knowing that
you will
leave

Gone.
You are gone
you have left me

How am I
to know what
is real and
what is not

If
all I
do is

get
mad
at reality

and
do not
believe
in
fantasy

Year 1

I sat alone in a long
white table and stared
at time passing

Then you sat beside me,
not talking,
not even looking

I felt my blood wishing
and I swear, it was
love at first sight
without even me having
sight of your face then

Year 2

The world will never permit
the sight of us becoming
one.
And so, two minus you
equals
me and everyone

Year 3

You left and I understood
But you came back,
I knew you would

What is this?
Candle light dinner for two,
a walk in a cold December,
hidden agendas in the woods,
no one yet to discover

As I permitted for you to
stay in my left chest,
I became restless

You made a surprise, though
You were a thief, hidden in the shadows
three years of planning
and as you smiled then,
I wished I knew what was coming

I wish you could stop
being so insensitive and
become a man you should be.

It ***** how I'm the one
chasing already and
instead of being steady,
you run away from me.

During the wee hours
when all is in dreamland,
dreaming of a dream
that seems so real

I lay awake
trying to do
the dream
they dream

As the clock
strikes a quarter
past infinity

my soul
wanders
if
I
am
st
ill
aw
ake
or
z
z
.

I love you.
These three words
I often practice in my sleep
because how could I dare
say in person

I miss you.
These three words
I often practice when I cry
because my heart aches
when you left me hanging

I hate you.
These three words
I often practice when I see you with someone else,
when you lie to me,
when you don't notice me,
when you act like everything's okay

I forgive you.
These three words
I often say
when I cry myself to sleep because
I love you,
I miss you
and I hate you
all at the same time.

*And you don't even know it.

I never asked you to
love me
I never asked you to
care for me

But through your actions,
how could I bare
not to hope, not to see
and so I fell

And as soon as I dare
to care
to love
to share

You left me hanging
in an afternoon,
and only I could do
was to stare at you
laughing with *somebody else

It
doesn't
mean
that
you are older,
you are wiser

The taste
so different,
so distinct

It's like your favorie fruit
and my
favorite coffee
in one afternoon

I wonder if you hurt like me.
I wonder if you think about me.
I wonder why you left me.
I wonder why you made me fall
for a reality that was really just my fantasy.

I miss you.
I miss you and I.
I miss myself when you weren't around.
I miss the feeling of being
genuinely happy- and free.

I miss you
I miss us.
But you hurt me so much,
I felt like, I still feel like dying.

I wish you feel the same
but I doubt it.
You only think about yourself.

You miss you, not me

The fear of what
will happen when
you are not with me

Is a hundred times
more than knowing
you will never be

If pain demands to be felt
then I don't want feelings
anymore

Everytime I think of you
my heart aches
my mind yearns
for the years,
the months,
the days,
the hours,
the minutes
that
I
was
with
you

How can you leave
me so suddenly
so painfully

*And like a
bullet,
you left
me bleeding

and like a
faucet,
my tears
keeps on
falling

When we think of the times when
            we were with the people we like,
When there was laughter
            in the days where there shouldn't be

and you try so hard to remember
if there was really a time

and you realise there really wasn't

all you can do is think of that time again

A place unnoticed,
I have found.
A place where no one will know
and I will never tell

To that person whom I loved for the first time,
you made me appreciate the little things,
you made my day complete,
you made me care more to those around me,
you changed me.

To that person whom I loved for the first time,
did you know how hurt I am when you
stopped caring?
when all I could ever think about is
what did I do wrong?
and worse,
did you even loved me at all?

To that person whom I want to forget,
how long will I love you?
how long will this pain linger on?

I no longer appreciate the little things
since you took it all away.
I no longer see the purpose of day
since you are not with me.
I no longer care for the people around me.

You made me into a monster
who only thinks about her sorrows and pain.
And there you are, living your life
as if I have not
been
part
of
it.

After a year
I still think of you

How do you let go
of the things that

wasn't for you
won't wait for you

did not
fight
fo
r
y

o
u