I love you.
These three words
I often practice in my sleep
because how could I dare
say in person

I miss you.
These three words
I often practice when I cry
because my heart aches
when you left me hanging

I hate you.
These three words
I often practice when I see you with someone else,
when you lie to me,
when you don't notice me,
when you act like everything's okay

I forgive you.
These three words
I often say
when I cry myself to sleep because
I love you,
I miss you
and I hate you
all at the same time.

*And you don't even know it.

Year 1

I sat alone in a long
white table and stared
at time passing

Then you sat beside me,
not talking,
not even looking

I felt my blood wishing
and I swear, it was
love at first sight
without even me having
sight of your face then

Year 2

The world will never permit
the sight of us becoming
one.
And so, two minus you
equals
me and everyone

Year 3

You left and I understood
But you came back,
I knew you would

What is this?
Candle light dinner for two,
a walk in a cold December,
hidden agendas in the woods,
no one yet to discover

As I permitted for you to
stay in my left chest,
I became restless

You made a surprise, though
You were a thief, hidden in the shadows
three years of planning
and as you smiled then,
I wished I knew what was coming

I never asked you to
love me
I never asked you to
care for me

But through your actions,
how could I bare
not to hope, not to see
and so I fell

And as soon as I dare
to care
to love
to share

You left me hanging
in an afternoon,
and only I could do
was to stare at you
laughing with *somebody else

The taste
so different,
so distinct

It's like your favorie fruit
and my
favorite coffee
in one afternoon

I miss you.
I miss you and I.
I miss myself when you weren't around.
I miss the feeling of being
genuinely happy- and free.

I miss you
I miss us.
But you hurt me so much,
I felt like, I still feel like dying.

I wish you feel the same
but I doubt it.
You only think about yourself.

You miss you, not me

To that person whom I loved for the first time,
you made me appreciate the little things,
you made my day complete,
you made me care more to those around me,
you changed me.

To that person whom I loved for the first time,
did you know how hurt I am when you
stopped caring?
when all I could ever think about is
what did I do wrong?
and worse,
did you even loved me at all?

To that person whom I want to forget,
how long will I love you?
how long will this pain linger on?

I no longer appreciate the little things
since you took it all away.
I no longer see the purpose of day
since you are not with me.
I no longer care for the people around me.

You made me into a monster
who only thinks about her sorrows and pain.
And there you are, living your life
as if I have not
been
part
of
it.