unbeknownst to me, it was here
staring me in the face

our eyes, locked
intertwined views
a static gaze
the face of one

suddenly
without warning
my heart sank
eyes flutter
lungs emptied of air
unable to catch my breath
unwilling to speak
blinded by the sight of it all
all is him

i fidget
he wrinkles
we smile
are such smirks out of fear
or purely of relief
here we are
together
at last

yet
we still long for something more
unsure if it is even attainable
we strive to achieve
our hearts bleed
our souls stretch
like pinched skin
rubber or flesh

we dance
rather stumble about
drunk on a love
high on each other

is this really it
despite my desire to temporally transgress
to seek truths
we must remain in our current state
the fast forward button is broken

wait
maybe this is actually repeat
although it could possibly be shuffled
i would not dare rewind
although the desire to pause is often present

all that's left
is anticipatory anxiety
and dreams

and you
and me
perfection? perhaps
purity? oh please
persuasion? plenty
poetry? positively

i cannot wait to see what happens next.
one thing is for certain
good
bad
happy
sad

this is the forever mix
only one question still remains
are you the dj or the turn table

you remind me of a cigarette
slender
long
a haunting spirit

a distinct scent
ashy at times
somethings youre nothing ****
two tones

i crave you in the morning
i require you after lunch
i need you in the evening
i long for you all day

smooth
full flavored
powerful yet delicate
you could burn me
but i could break you in half

when im jonesing
its for you
and you alone
i refuse to share you
i pack you tightly

youre mine
and youre smoking

take a deep breath.
hold your nose.
mostly because you cannot swim.
face first.
swan dive.
asphalt or water.
it does not matter.
both hurt the same.
anything does.
when you face it head on.

let us just hope that shallow is not an adjective used to describe it.

say what you mean
mean what you say

use your words to confuse
although i try my best to understand
you try your best to prevent that

its difficult to know how someone feels
when their emotions have been twisted and contorted to fit into a verse

manipulation through words is bittersweet
allude to what you want and how you want it
but never come out and say it
cowardly or brilliant

its perplexing to wonder if someone methodically goes about writing their poems
hoping the reader will hang on every line
ponder about the choice in every word

will the poet effectively convey their message?
is that even their wish?

i hate asking questions i know will never be answered
but i refuse to stop investigating
i must examine all the things

so here i sit
my eyes moving left to right
line to line
verse to verse
stanza to stanza

and i hope
i hope that i comprehend
i hope that i can appreciate
i hope that i have received your message

i just hope the message was for me

methodical
tedious
heavy

every piece has its own special place
or does it?
tricky little *******

don't tell me something is missing
oh but of course!

start on the outside
the easy stuff
and work your in way

unbelievably difficult
something that appears so easy

i feel like im being deceived here
working so hard to figure this out
trying to solve this
to understand
to clinch victory
im not the kind of girl who gives up so easily
im not the kind of girl who has unfinished tasks

its not science
its not math
its not art
come to think of it
it might be all of the above

it feels incomplete
its too soon to tell though
only time will assist me in this endeavor
that, and patience

unfortunately
my grasp of the latter is minimal to say the least
i hope the clock does not stop  
i hope i do not let the frustration swell up inside me
only to erupt

because i will kick this effing puzzle onto the floor.
bet.

smoke billows across the open sky
dancing on the horizon of space and time

from a distance the beauty is admired
sitting atop gentling rolling hills

long blades of grasses and petals of wild flowers
the culmination of such always brings a sense of peace

but not today
this will not be the day for any sort of serenity

there is nothing to fear but fear itself
except certain death

looming in the distance
waiting for innocence to be served up on a silver platter

he is coming for you and he is coming for me
dressed in a fancy suit he pretends to be whatever you want

the essence of life that binds us
is also the cascade of our dismay

eeny meeny miney moe
catch the devil by his toe
and if he hollars let him go
but he will be back, this you know

i have yet to hear of anyone walking away from such encounters unscathed
there is a sense of irony to the entire situation, if you ask me

i'm just living to die
what about you?

she twirls the pen in her fingers
occasionally nibbling at the end
old habits die hard
new habits form easily however

she rubs her eyes
never receiving adequate sleep at night
the snooze button has seen better days
always late to work
hell
always late to life
some day it will catch up
maybe that day is the present

she nibbles on her nails
ok ok ok
she gnaws them off obsessively
if she were able, it is clear she would not have fingers above her first knuckle
a habit she has had longer than she can remember
a habit she has had longer than she has been able to walk (thanks mom)

she taps her foot on the floor
if only she were graceful enough to have rhythm and harmony
it probably would not sound like death knocking at your door

she lets her nerves get the best of her
she allows stress to run her life
she plays the games they told her to play
she even wins at many of them
she looks good on paper
she looks even better nekkid
she is sad
she is mad
she is happy

she is lost.