the power of signature confirmation
knowing that someone was there
to john hancock your existence
john henry your being

delivery affirmation runs a close race
but doesn't truly embrace
the majesty of humanity's contact
oh, how it feels to be wanted

who doesn't love the feel of receiving
delivered by hand  
im special, im desired
globe trotted to be mine

mystery
desire
suspense
intrigue

to hold the contents of life
mail to your destination of choice
even when sender is unknown
the recipient endures their decisions

return to sender will no longer work
because with you, this mail can no longer exist.

i sit here
with you
and wonder
really?

distractions
contradictions
anger fueled interactions
lame diction
distorted intentions

minds in foreign places
searching for love and companionship

whats the point?
why even bother?
let me choose
allow me the pleasure of indulging
neither (no one) seems to care anyway (eyether way)

pamper the needs
of those in my life
comfort
servitude
the duty of such altruism
what weights have been placed upon myself

its not such a bad thing
its the result of being adamant about the correction (fixing) of this life
this blunder of an existence

poor me
for thinking that i could...
well..
that..
i could change myself and in the process, change the world.

moving through time
the numbers decide
i watch with anticipation
my fate starts to divide

do i truly choose
in the way things progress
or must i sit here with worry
just to watch life advance

are the actions i take
truly those of my choice
or have they been known
before i had voice

the clock ticks through minutes
as events take place
encounters occur
incurred in time and space

the desire to know is strong
my intent is deep
i will find out the answers
to the questions i seek

i listened to you
jabber on (note to self: look up jabber)
and i wondered
why?

you unleashed yourself on me
tirades of mishandling (note to self: look up grammar in this line of poetry)
and i wept
why?

Thick skin shields me from the blows
Like a reptile
Impervious to your words
Your hateful language

As true as it may be
It doesn’t soften the blows
I would ask for lies
Because they would be more comforting today
But tomorrow I would regret such a request
I would be shamed for not accepting the blunt honesty you have to offer
So I listen
Wide eyed
Open eared
And I weep.

I compare myself to an animal
A creature that cannot be harmed by such linguistics
You lash out in a hateful monologue
I cringe with fear at the truth
Mostly because it’s something I cannot deny

I let you in enough so that you have such leverage
In saying the things you know to be honest
For a moment I wish you didn’t have such power
That you were not informed of my inadequacies
That you didn’t know exactly where to apply pressure

But you do.
Full disclosure will do that.

The river flows or does it?
the creek, the stream, and all the tributaries
contribute to the river like words dancing on water
each unique.
beautiful.
destined for greatness.
the relationship of these segments create the river basin
without each individual piece, there is not continuity.
a summation of these small parts creates a holism in the way water flows
all trying to reach the ocean
all flowing in the direction and path that this earth has intended
all guided by forces greater than their own
striving to become part of the something greater than they can know
wait
wait
wait
what was i talking about?
...
it can be the beauty of companionship
it can be expressed in a liquid format
it can be cheers to the future
cheers to success
cheers to a great day
cheers to a **** day
cheers to any moment of any time of any day or night

it can be like a tidal wave
crashing down.
you turn (it) back
neat and vicious
cheap and efficient
a vice
a means to one end
swells of liquids
lather. rinse. repeat.

That smile
That stupid smile
That **** eating grin of yours
Beautiful pearly rounded chompers
Okay, so maybe they are a little yellow
Who’s aren’t?
When one has smoked filterless filters for the last 10 years
What does one expect?

It’s exquisite really.
It brings me to the ground
Mostly from the weak knees that it incites
Nostalgia doesn’t even begin to describe
I’ve seen it in my dreams
It’s been with me for the last decade
It’s something that I will never be able to forget

The largest mouth I ever done seent
3 ounces of liquids in one easy swallow
I could put my foot in there
And there would still be room

Belches and burps
Curses and yells
Loud laughs
Sweet whimpers
All the things that are expelled

Every time a smile appears
A smug smirk
A gushing grin
I smile back
Despite my anger
Or fears
It doesn’t seem to matter how upset you make me
I smile back

The history we share is complex
Predating all the things
All the peoples
All the events
All the places
Spanning such far distances
In space, place, and time

And here we are.
How long have I known that bittersweet smile?
A better question is how long I will continue to be graced with it.
Even if that is shorter than I hope
I’ll still remember.
It’s something I can never forget.

CHEESE!