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730 · Apr 2016
Riddler
Jane Harper Apr 2016
A poem a day
Keeps the demons away.
703 · Apr 2016
Camping
Jane Harper Apr 2016
"Mom! What was that sound?"
"Mom! I hear it. It's coming!"
Worrying.
Afraid.
Out. Of. Control.
Camping.
The worrying about bears.
"I HEAR IT!"
The long nights.
Camping.
All full of terror.
From a bear.
An animal.
None of us have ever come
In contact with.
Has scared us.
Has never hurt us.
And has no intention to.
But, there is a bear.
One that does intend to
Hurt us.
One that thrives on fear.
And there's only one place
That bear lives.
Inside
Ourselves.
Camping?
Jane Harper Apr 2016
I can't see.
It's just too dark.
What do you expect
ME to do?
There's no light switch here
And I'm too scared to
Take a single step forward.

But dear,
Can't you see me?
I'm shining light.
Hold my hand and
We will get out of this
Darkness together.


We will never make it.
Look how long the
Journey is.
And see that?
We will never make it
Over that.

Darling, open your mind.
Look just a bit
Farther.
There's a safer way.
See it?
And if you can't get
Through that,
I'll help you over what
Seems to be the problem.
You see, that obstacle is
NOT the problem.
You are.
There are so many ways you
CAN make it over.
And, you will always have my
Light by your side.
So, what's really
Scaring you?


It's too dark.

But I'm right here

But,*

But what?
Jane Harper May 2016
No, I'm not OK.
I'm drowning,
Choking,
Throwing up,
Crying,
Screaming,
Hurting,
Cutting,
Aching,
Sliding under.

And it ***** because
No one can help me.

*so I don't ask anymore
487 · Apr 2016
To See Your Smile
Jane Harper Apr 2016
The world gave me signs,
Told me not to do it.
Everything went wrong,
I fought the world anyway.
I find happiness in seeing you smile.
I needed to make you smile.
As my heart raced, I smiled.
As it all fell down, I laughed.
As angel tears hit my back,
I listened to the thunder we created.
I wish I could go back and find the meaning of those tears.
What were the angels feeling?

I wish I could stand up,
Throw my arms out,
Open my heart,
Hear the bursting of those balloons,
And let the rain hit my face...

So I could feel the angels' tears.
...instead of my own...
452 · Apr 2016
The Power Of A Sister & God
Jane Harper Apr 2016
So let me start my story
In a very scary place.
There was once a young girl
Who never saw His face.
She lived her life in fear and
Tore herself apart.
She had a smile on her face but
A scar on her heart.
She had no one to trust,
No hand to hold when frightened.
She lived in the dark and
Hoped it would soon brighten.
She soon found that someone but
That someone's not a mister.
She found someone's love and
That person was her big sister.
Her sister loved her more than
Anyone she knew.
Her sister made her happy and
Always knew what to do.
When the girl was afraid,
Her sister showed her the light.
When the girl was upset,
Her sister helped her through the night.
The girl connected to her sister
Through a wonderful dance class.
Her sister showed her peace and
Promised the pain wouldn't last.
The girl was fighting a silent battle that
Her sister could understand.
The girl soon opened up and
Her sister showed her an awesome man.
This man has special powers and
Love to change lives.
The man loved the girl and
The girl forfeited her knives.

Now that we've made it to
The time in which we stand,
You must understand
Who I actually am.
I am the girl,
The one who loves her sister.
I have one last thing to do and
That is to ditch her.
She is the old me,
The one who hid her face.
I'm so thankful to you for
Showing me God's grace.
You've influenced my relationship
With the Kind of Earth and Heaven.
You mean more to me than
Lucky number seven.
Here's one more thing,
A question of glee.
Dear Miss,
Will You...
439 · May 2016
Half of My DNA
Jane Harper May 2016
Go to hell
You ****.

I swear,
If you touch me one more time...
340 · Apr 2016
If I Handed You The Gun...
Jane Harper Apr 2016
Each word of mine is a piece of my heart,
Resting in hands that I've trusted.
Each word from your mouth forms the tool...
The tool that will make or break me.

Be careful
What you say,
What you do,
And how you react.

I know it's not safe nor fair,
But your words are making a powerful tool...
And you're two seconds from hitting the trigger.
324 · May 2016
Hug
Jane Harper May 2016
Hug
The Anticipation...
For One Tiny Gesture.
A Hug.
From 1 Single Person.

Here's To Hoping It Will
Mend My Shattered Soul
For 10 Seconds.
Jane Harper Apr 2016
Look in the mirror.
See a reflection
And her dark
Skin complexion.

She sees the scars and the
Tears rolling down
While they see the smile
That has never turned around.

She's a happy girl,
Or so they think.
She stares in the mirror
And stands over the sink.

This world is too much,
Too heavy for her heart
And every last thing is
Breaking her apart.

She looks at her face and
Follows one last tear
And wishes this
Could be her last year.

She wipes the tear
And faces her life
But only to find she's
Picked up a knife.

She carries it with her
Where ever she goes.
And makes everything worse,
Little does she know.

For every time something happens,
She cuts up her heart.
And, of course, there's
No way to re-start.

One last thing,
And that could be the end.
"Why do you always smile?"
Asked her little sister's friend.

How could she answer?
What would she say?
"I'm not sure"
And the girl ran away.

She goes home
And runs in the back.
She smiles in the mirror
And gets caught off track.

Her teeth so perfect
And her eyes so bright.
Who was this girl?
What was this sight?

She saw someone new
And someone so pretty.
But she knew it was fake
And asked, "Why is life so ******?"

She looked in the mirror
And decided to go.
"Goodbye" said the pretty girl.
Shouted the world, "NO!"

But what could they do?
She was already gone.
And all they had left was
A knife used way too long.
291 · Apr 2016
In Ten, Nine, ...
Jane Harper Apr 2016
Grasp my neck,
Wrap your fingers,
Just a little bit tighter.

Have me suffer no more.

Choke the life out of me.
Let the air vanish my breathe.
**** me
**** me
**** me.

TEN
NINe
EIGht
SEven
Six
five
f o u r
t h r
t w
o
Jane Harper Oct 2016
I don’t have that friend…

Who I trust with everything.
Who is here in 10 minutes.
Who I can be lazy with.
Who I can watch movies with.
Who I can call at 3 AM.
Who I can cry on.
Who encourages me.
Who tells me it will be OK.
Who is always on my side.
Who watches me laugh insanely.
Who surprises me.
Who wishes with me.
Who waits with me.
Who hugs me.
Who is proud of me.
Who wants me.
Who needs me.
Who loves me.

I used to have that friend.

She asked me never to leave.
And I never did.
She was scared
And so was I.
But she built up some fake facade
And I sat by.
I waited and
I watched to see if she would come back.
But it became too much.

I miss that I used to have that friend.

She helped me grow with Christ.
She helped me in my mental fights.
She was my best friend.

It’s hard to say goodbye when the person’s being doesn’t actually leave.

Sometimes I think about making the choices she has made.
The love,
The lust,
The parties,
The “cool” personality.
I think about making those mistakes.
I can fail one class.
I can drink one drink.
I can **** one soul.

I don’t have that friend anymore.
And I won’t have one for a while.

But I do have a sister.
I have people who need me even though I don’t want them to.
I have people who say “I love you” to me although those words don’t come out of my mouth anymore.
I have a sister, so I have a friend.
290 · Apr 2016
George
Jane Harper Apr 2016
My heart is curious
And my mind has many questions.
Maybe it's time to explore.

I see an abandoned house.
Creepy spider webs and
Creaky floors, but I
Decide to explore.

I take one step and it's
Immediately two back again.
This place is too scary.

I turn around and
Find myself lost.
But it's super fun here.

I'm on a rollercoaster heading up.
AHHHHHHHH!
But this thing is going down.

I'm frightened again.
I start seeing spider webs and
Hear the coaster creek.

What's going on?

Just one more question in my mind...
287 · Apr 2016
Without A Doubt
Jane Harper Apr 2016
If I could…
sing sweet songs,
dance swift motions,
run far paths,
reach high places,
or step shaky ground,
I’d do it all for you.

But…
my voice cracks,
my body aches,
my legs shake,
my arms fail,
and the ground gives in.

If my voice picked you up,
I’d talk and talk so you heard no other noise.

If my shoulder brought you comfort,
I’d sit next to you until you pushed your demons away.

If my love filled you with happiness,
I’d love and love and love you until the end of time.

But,
You hear other noises and
Your demons still stay near and
Your soul grabs onto its sadness.

Yet,
I will talk and talk and
I will sit next to you and
I will love and love and love you
By
Singing sweet songs,
Dancing swift motions,
Running far paths,
Reaching high places,
And stepping shaky ground.
No matter how my much my
Voice cracks,
Body aches,
Legs shake,
Arms fail,
Or the ground gives in.

I will do this all for you.
Jane Harper Apr 2016
I cried for three years,
Tore myself apart.
Not from what you did
But the effect of it.
I waited for days like these.
Now I don't know why.
I'm glad you left.
I'm glad I changed.

And, don't get me wrong,
I'm glad you're back.
But you needed to leave.

I'm glad they hated me.
I'm glad I'm not one of them.
I'm glad we aren't anything alike,
Anymore.
I couldn't stand myself like them.
Crazy over a guy,
Worried about my outer looks.

I may have been worse than them
For three years.
But now I'm glad that I'm happy.
I can't stand the way they act.
I'm glad I'm me.
I'm thankful for the people I have.
So, thanks for leaving.

And, oh, welcome... home?
270 · Jun 2016
My Brain and It's Dreams
Jane Harper Jun 2016
A dream can feel unusually real.
I don't know I'm sleepy, until a wake up.

Well...
What if every one of my breaths is in just another dream?
What if this pain is all a dream?
What if we are all resting on the clouds for 70+ years?
What if when we die, we finally wake up in peaceful eternity?
What if it didn't matter how we died?

I want to believe this so badly.
263 · Apr 2016
Old Love
Jane Harper Apr 2016
Dear Old Love,

It's time for you to go and
I'm not sad to say so.
You've lived here so long but
Now your time is gone.
I'm ready to say goodbye,
In hopes it will make you die.
I've cut part of you away and
I'm pushing you away each day.
I'll never look back so
I won't get caught off track.
So stop trying to change my plan,
I've found a greater man.
You no longer frighten me and
That has made life lovely.

~Daughter of the King
259 · Apr 2016
You
Jane Harper Apr 2016
You
I gave you too much power,
Too much control over my life.
But only because I loved you and
I had trusted you each night.

I'd tell you all my secrets and
You'd keep them just for me.
You helped me through the troubles
And you laughed at my crazy.

We always cared for each other.
I loved life with you.
Until someone told you something,
And you thought something new.

I watched you fade away,
Slowly, but it was my choice.
I opened my lips to call you,
But you didn't hear my voice.

My world became dark,
And my nights very lonely.
I wished you would come back
"If only, if only, if only."

One day I found you again,
And I didn't notice a difference.
But you slowly started hurting me
And now I'm dreading your existence.

You won't leave me alone
And you're tearing me apart.
"Stop hurting me! This isn't fair!"
But then you just restart.

You changed and I hate it.
And I know you hate it too.
But you won't leave me alone
And there's nothing I can do.

You hurt me night after night
When no one is around.
You tell me everything is okay
And you somehow calm me down.

Your words are so convincing
As you tell me to say goodbye.
I listen as you soothe me and
I tell you "one more try."

I've hidden you for a while
But now you're stronger than ever.
I think I might let you win
Unless someone tells me better.
255 · Apr 2016
To My Best Friend
Jane Harper Apr 2016
I love your warmth.
I love your laugh.
I love your help.
I love you.

I want your hug.
I want your smile.
I want your care.
I want you.

I need your warm hug.
I need your happy smile.
I need your careful help.
I need you.

Please tell me I matter.
Please tell me you care.
And please tell me you're there.
Because I love, want, and need you.
254 · Apr 2016
{my mixed up mind}
Jane Harper Apr 2016
My wheels are turning,
My brain, burning,
For words to describe what I feel.

I've got nothing.
245 · Apr 2016
Typing
Jane Harper Apr 2016
My fingers are cut.
My knuckles bleed.
But I punch again.
I punch and
I punch and
I punch.
Until I realize that
I'm breaking the tools that
Allow me to escape
To Freedom.
237 · May 2016
"Mother's" Day
Jane Harper May 2016
How rude would I be
If I took my life
On the day before I'm supposed to
Celebrate the one who gave me life.

I'm not sure I care, though,
How rude you think I am.
232 · Apr 2016
Love
Jane Harper Apr 2016
When you truly love someone,
You fall in love...
Deep love.

But how can we fall in love
So deeply if
We can't fall
Out of love?
225 · Apr 2016
Her
Jane Harper Apr 2016
Her
She wonders why
I ponder.

Ponder
...her love.
...her care.
...her ability.
...her want.


"Love is not what you say,
Love is what you do."
224 · Apr 2016
What No One Realizes
Jane Harper Apr 2016
When many
Different worlds
Collide,
Something beautiful is
Created.
No one will
Understand. Until,
They see the
Battle between the
Good, the
Evil, and the
Lost.
221 · Apr 2016
(?)
Jane Harper Apr 2016
(?)
Each day,
I cry out for help.
Yet each day,
I refuse to help myself.

Dear God, what is wrong with me?
219 · Apr 2016
Listen
Jane Harper Apr 2016
Do you hear that?
That sweet sound.
Somehow, it always
Calms me down.

It's so loud,
But no one hears it.
But I soak in
Every last bit.

I can sit here forever.
I won't feel lonely.
For this sound is
Marvelous and holy.

So, what's the sound
You ask?
Why it's nothing.
And it's as simple as that.
213 · Apr 2016
What Is Love?
Jane Harper Apr 2016
She was in love with him.

But he only loved her.
211 · Apr 2016
Before It's All Gone
Jane Harper Apr 2016
Sit and think.
When was the last time you smiled?
Well, um...
"Not in a while."

Today's a new day,
And the same with tomorrow.
And you're choosing the
Path of sadness and sorrow?

Sure, it's the easiest,
The one with no thought.
But do you want to go through
And stay in this spot?

Life's an adventure, a game,
So come join in.
We'll do this together
Until the very end.

So let's change
Your mind.
And go down the path
We'll have to find.

The path of happiness,
The most fun of all.
It puts a smile on your face
And makes your worries small.

This will be a new
Challenge to accept.
So just start by
Taking a small step.

Don't stay locked up,
Tell the world who you are.
Once you talk and open wide,
You'll have traveled so far.

Do what makes you happy,
What makes you smile.
And you'll be ready to
Leap in a while.

By now, you
Know it all by heart.
You'll just have to get
Others to start.

Show them a smile,
And faith as well.
And they'll soon join in
And we'll be able to tell.

Your time is ticking.
Life is going on and on.
Join the rest
And smile before it's gone.
211 · Aug 2016
{}
Jane Harper Aug 2016
{}
There's nothing beautiful about this
Nor poetic words to explain that
I only want to die today.
206 · Apr 2016
All Well
Jane Harper Apr 2016
I did it again.
And I didn't mean to.
I just can't control
My thoughts,
My feelings,
My actions.
It just kind of happened.
But it's only one mark.
One mark that will eventually
Fade.
And no one can see it,
So what's the problem?
It was just once
And I promise I will
Never do it again.
205 · Apr 2016
Ugh
Jane Harper Apr 2016
Ugh
I know it was me.
I was too caught up.
I'm sorry.
I need you back.
I know something's wrong,
I'll listen.
You are worrying me.

I now sit here alone.
All alone on this
Dark Earth.
Only hoping that I'll soon
Find my flashlight.
...please come back...
205 · Apr 2016
And We Will Never Know
Jane Harper Apr 2016
Darling, I see you.
I understand.
I'm sitting right here.
But look behind me...
Do you see it?
The real world.
Isn't it wonderful?
And scary?
That's life.
Oh, the glorious thunderstorms and
The monstrous rainbows.
Oh, the brightness the moon brings and
The darkness the sun shines.
It's all for you.
Every tear brought your way and
Every smile hidden on your shoulder.
Every flower and
Every thorn.
Every laugh and
Every groan.
Your life is for you.
So, darling, look behind me.
Not in me.
Because my eyes only show the painful truth.
And that's all you just saw.
Jane Harper Apr 2016
Again, I skip the stew
But that's okay.
At least I don't have to
Hear you chew.

Again, my blood is shed
But that's okay.
I'm cutting away the
Nasty things you've said.

Again, I write a letter.
But soon rip it up
Just in case
Tomorrow is better.

Again and again I cry.
Only for you to find out
I'm about to
Die.
196 · Apr 2016
Goodbye
Jane Harper Apr 2016
The thoughts that
Take over...
Rush through my
Mind.
Never to be said
Out loud or
Even known of.
The people who
Make a change, who
Give a smile, who
Say they care,
All walk away.
My mind takes over.
Soon I become...
Worthless.
To myself,
People,
Society,
and just
Life.
No one cares anymore,
So that's the
End. The
Time to
Say goodbye
Is
Now.
196 · Apr 2016
Answers
Jane Harper Apr 2016
Am I not allowed to have my own opinions? Am I not allowed to do what I like? Am I not allowed to be given a chance?

Do I not deserve a chance? Do I not deserve friends? Do I not deserve just one person that will talk and listen to me? Do I not deserve happiness?

Is it bad that I read 13 Reasons Why and wish I was the girl who killed herself? Is it bad that suicide is always on my mind? Is it bad that I want to be found dead in the morning?

Am I not allowed...   To know answers?
Do I not deserve...     To know answers?
Is it bad...                    To know answers?

— The End —