A  kaleidoscope of colour, dances before my eyes,
So quickly came upon me, caught me by surprise,
The flashing lights though pretty, distract me from my task,
If it wasn't for the headache too, it could be quite a blast,
If you suffer from these migraines, it isn't very nice,
Losing most of your vision, head squeezed in a vice,
Best thing to do is pop a pill and lay in darkened room,
Not always convenient, when there's stuff you're trying to do,
Myself, I like to soldier on, so off to work I go,
I always take a little while though, to enjoy the show.

Why are men so happy ****,
Wandering round, just eating food,
Manhood dangling between their thighs,
Never shy, whatever their size,
Sitting causally eating lunch,
Lazy lob, it's all too much,
When they slide along my palest couch,
My heart is really in my mouth,
For confidence, ten out of ten,
Just don't bend over, no not again!

My knifes so blunt my brother comments,
He could ride bare arsed to London on it,
When he tries to carve the meat,
He has to just admit defeat,
The wrestling match began with hope,
Jokes come fast, there's so much scope,
Beads of sweat come on his brow,
Cursing starts, he's ******* now,
I really ought to buy some more,
Not laugh myself onto the floor. :)

Water features aren't for me,
They make me want to do a ***,
In the garden, summer barbecue,
I keep nipping in to use the loo,
Sprinkle, sprinkle, blooming sprinkle,
Oh not again, I need a ******,
It may be more to do with age,
Let's not go there now , at this stage.

Oh to feel the sun on my face,
Makes my world feel a better place ,
Gentley warming my insipid skin,
After a winter of living within,
Central heating dehydrates,
Hot climates it cannot emulate,
Of course it's bad for us they say,
I'll take my chances anyway,
So I will just sit and enjoy the sun,
When it's not shining out my ***.

I have a schoolboys sense of humour,
Oh yes it's true, it's not just rumour,
I always laugh at bums and willys,
It's immature and very silly,
I cannot help my humours taste,
I try to keep it above the waist,
Yet down the slippery ***** I slide,
This 'Carry-On" sense of humour of mine,
Farts, poos, **** the crudest jokes,
Belong much more to bad *** blokes,
Double meaning things that people say,
Is my specialist subject anyway,
Even though I know it's daft,
I do enjoy a ****** laugh :)