Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
 
Jamy Jun 2014
Dig me ditch
Dig me a home
Where I don't have to love anymore
Where my eyes will see clouds of dirt
And my body will lie still
I want you to dig me a home
And build me a fire
That warms me
So I can feel some hint of a spark again
So I can stop surviving and start living
Like I did
I want you to build me a fire
Make me one last supper
A simple apology on a platter
With the food groups being
The five stages of grief
But I won't consume it
It will consume me

You see that's what love does
It takes away your place in the world
And fills it with white walls
And blank space
It takes away your ability to feel
By putting a cloudy filter over your eyes
And an infinitely somber mask over every face
Love feeds you line after line
Of possibilities
From mountain tops
To the bottom of the sea
And the when your fattened and happy
It leaves you
With a hurricane in your heart
And a riot in your brain
There was once a refreshing ocean breeze
There was once a drizzle of hope
There was once a group of children
Who grew up and saw the world was cold
But now the storm whips through my internal organs
With the ferocity of a gods quest
And the rioters yell relapse in my mind
Because that's what I've learned to do best
There was once a simple sobriety to life
It was once okay to feel vulnerable
But vulnerability breeds love
And Love should be considered
A medical condition
A terminal carcinogen
Because it allows people to dig holes in your heart
So they'll always have a place there
And strike a spark in your lungs  
So you'll always burn for them
Because it allows you to be fed
Images of a false future
And dreams of an alternate humanity
I was vulnerable for you
I opened my arms to the love
I didn't think I deserved
But I was certain that I'd need
Nobody ever tells you that love is a disease
It infects the brain so that you see
A false reality

But love has left my lungs drenched in water
And my organs pulling together as a community
To restore they're ecosystem to its former glory
To patch up the bloodied streets where the rioters commands took place
To stop the floods that the hurricane gave way

Love is a disease
A carcinogen
a riot
a storm
And a hoax

And I believe all the things
Because unlike you
I can't let ours go
Jamy Jun 2014
Anxiety lies in humility
Anger lies in embarrassment
Life lies between dimensions
We'll never understand
Only comprehend in the secular aspect
So self aware
Emotions interbreeding
Into a cesspool of confusion
The sky changes at night
And science has told us why
But I can't fathom
A textbook telling me
How to live
When my pen leaves the paper
I rarely have much to say
Quite speechless for a poet
I've been told
But I've found that
My discomfort lies in fear
And my happiness lies
In companionship
Novels could be bound
From the amount of
Papers that I like to call
Goodbye letters
Rather than suicide notes
Because I constantly live on the edge
Of wondering which dimension is lonelier
And trying to please those around me
Black eyeliner turns gray
When it smudges or fades away
And as I've aged
My emotions have done the same
I used to write prophecies in my journal
Of things I would and wouldn't accomplish in life
But instead of climbing a mountain
I tried popping pills a few times
Theres a certain ring to being lonely
Since I'm so keen at being alone
75% of the time
Self isolation has made me untouchable
And not in the invincible fashion
Because shying at every hand on my cheek
Has a proven ability to ****
Tiny pieces of me
Pretending to find strength in apathy
Has taken a bat to my knees
But I'll walk with my sea legs
Until I fall overboard
I can only hope
That by the time I slip
I open up enough
For somebody to grab my hand
Without seeing the reflex
Of going into my emotionally void
Black hole heart again
Jamy Jun 2014
Of all of God's children,
He was my favorite,
With a smile of saviors,
The handshake of pastors,
The attention of preachers,
And the prestige of a priest,
But he lived nothing like Christ,

I payed my tribute,
Paying the weekly tithings,
Of a dutiful wife,
By Cooking, cleaning, and closing my eyes,
To all the nights of listerine and dilated pupils,
To all the mornings of an away of strange perfumes,
To all the mid colored splotches making a Dalmatian of my skin,
Those were my tithings,

But he must have been in favor with the man up stairs,
Because he strode freely,
A man of god,
Faces no persecution,
For his acts of hate,
But the son of god,
Dies for sharing love,
But no love is shared,
With a ministers wife,

I wept my prayers nightly,
With my knees indented by the carpet,
With my hand clasping my broken wrist,
Dear father who resides in heaven,
Why do you leave me here in hell,
With a man who loves like purgatory,
Why let such a man live,
Who lets your name jungle gym,
Through his vocal chords,
While letting the devil,
Strategically blockade his heart,
God,
Fill this silences,
With verses of hope,
With scriptures of love,
And books of revelations before my eyes,
But the only thing revealed,
Was the dismissal,
Of a ministers wife,


When asked why I'm an atheist,
I'll always tell you this,
My faith died with my blindness,
My god died with my marriage,
Now,
Let the minister dismiss his wife,
One
Last
Time

— The End —